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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do most older men prefer younger women?

251 replies

Chippingbird23 · 12/08/2021 12:50

Just wondering as woman what your thoughts are? Do you find it harder to date in 30’s or 40’s or have you found ‘true’ love later in life?

OP posts:
SamW98 · 14/08/2021 12:43

Think I'm going wrong with OLD as I have put my real age and unfiltered photos lol.

I seem to attract men in their 60's and even 70's or ones who live about 1000 miles away

The ones I like never seem to like me back

I get a lot of male attention when I'm out and its only because we haven't been able to socialise and mix that I joined OL but I really don't think its right for me. I've not had a single date yet

BertramLacey · 14/08/2021 13:01

Unfair post - attack the argument, not the person !

It wasn't a personal attack - it was a comment on the lack of knowledge.

Honestly though, right at this point, life really is too short to sit and systematically dismantle some of what is written here. If you're interested, there are plenty of scholarly works that exam the relationship between biological ideas and social ideas, and the co-construction of biological knowledge. But bluntly, the idea that women prefer powerful, older men is much more to do with modern social constructs than it is to do with our inherent natures.

Slipperfairy · 14/08/2021 13:04

Taking it sideways a little, isn't society set up to protect older men who may well be killed by stronger, younger rivals? The 'young women prefer older men' thing is part of that. And wouldn't have been relevant before societies developed into settled groups. Who's to even say we used to pair up other than just for sex?

LitPearl · 14/08/2021 13:15

@BertramLacey

I wish people who posted about biological imperatives actually knew something about biology.
Id also like you to elaborate because whilst i think i know that men prefer younger women im also aware that women dont usually want to date much older men, and what women want is one half of this equation. In theory. Except ive been single since i was 37 because no man without a huuuuuge obvious flaw has been interested! A few controlling me, alcoholics, avoidant men, negative depressed men have been interested in me though but i dont want to carry anybody or put up with being controlled.
OneAlabamaReturn · 14/08/2021 13:25

Yes, definitely.

Fortunately, lot's of women prefer older men so it evens itself out.

Coogee · 14/08/2021 13:26

And wouldn't have been relevant before societies developed into settled groups.

Even less relevant when you consider that the life expectancy in those times was about 40.

znaika · 14/08/2021 13:28

That's interesting. I am interested in why so many obvious alpha females are long term single, childless or when they do have kids have them with someone quite a bit younger and poss not the same level career and intelligence wise.

The kind of women who end up with older men are generally not the most attractive ones of their age group.

is this biology or society? I am not so much interested in men's choices but women's when I ask this, Why do female alphas often end up single see charlize theron, madonna, halle berry etc etc. Have kids and or married or partnered down or with younger. I have so many early forties female friends like this.

Coogee · 14/08/2021 13:44

The kind of women who end up with older men are generally not the most attractive ones of their age group.

Thanks!

I didn’t “end up” with an older man. I ended a relationship with a younger man to be with one.

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 13:50

Why do female alphas often end up single see charlize theron, madonna, halle berry etc etc

I suspect because once they get past the reproductive stage of their lives, a lot of financially independent women find men more trouble than they’re worth. I know that if anything happened to mine, that would be it as far as men are concerned, I’d far rather be single.

LitPearl · 14/08/2021 14:11

Yeh. I am not an alpha but i can financially support myself, im 51, i no longer care if strangers or acquaintances pity me for being single! I feel relief at the realisation that its ok to decide to give up on the pointless hope that ill meet somebody. I wont, because even if i meet somebody, they turn out to be not good enough.

5128gap · 14/08/2021 14:14

@Blossomtoes

Why do female alphas often end up single see charlize theron, madonna, halle berry etc etc

I suspect because once they get past the reproductive stage of their lives, a lot of financially independent women find men more trouble than they’re worth. I know that if anything happened to mine, that would be it as far as men are concerned, I’d far rather be single.

This. And to answer the second part of the question about when they do why they choose younger....If you're going to tolerate one, he might as well be easy on the eye and able to stay awake past 8PM in the evening.
SweatyBetty20 · 14/08/2021 14:14

@Blossomtoes

Why do female alphas often end up single see charlize theron, madonna, halle berry etc etc

I suspect because once they get past the reproductive stage of their lives, a lot of financially independent women find men more trouble than they’re worth. I know that if anything happened to mine, that would be it as far as men are concerned, I’d far rather be single.

Agree. Could also be that they just didn’t want to settle. I saw this happen with a fair few of my mid-30s mates once the broodiness really kicked in. Even nearly did it myself.

But the more I saw how unhappy they were, and talked about being in an unfulfilling marriage, the more I didn’t want that for me. I would have loved to have kids, and I’m devastated that it didn’t happen for me, but being in a mediocre relationship for the sake of having a child wasn’t not something I wanted to do.

I had to do a lot of work on myself to drown out the chiming of my biological clock, and grieve and come to terms with not having kids. Then perimenopause hit, and for the first time in years I could think clearly about what I wanted. It was no longer time-sensitive for me to settle down - my body had made that decision for me, and I no longer needed a man in my life, because the reason I needed one was gone. Now I have one, but it’s on different terms - it’s because I want him, not need him in my life.

znaika · 14/08/2021 14:18

So it's a society thing. I was hoping someone would say, the alpha of the tribe picks the younger stronger sperm and moves on with her life to become a wise elder... no such thing?

I said earlier in the thread but there is something really repulsive about older men with really young kids or babies, it's almost visceral. I just can't bear the thought of it.

MercyBooth · 14/08/2021 14:41

The kind of women who end up with older men are generally not the most attractive ones of their age group

Dont leave your saucer of milk in the sun. Its warm again today.

There is nothing wrong with the way i look. You have my sympathies.

Happy people dont talk shit. Flowers

znaika · 14/08/2021 14:48

I am not talking about individual cases or you specifically am I? Just behavioral trends and what is biological and what is societal.

The idea of the second wife being a younger but inferior version of the first wife is not mine... there have even been films about it!

Itsbeen84yearss · 14/08/2021 14:57

I think once you’re around the thirty mark you’re always going to be looking at +10 years as a dating pool if you’re using OLD.
OLD is a candy shop for men and most men have inflated sense of self so will always look at the younger, prettier women.

freelions · 14/08/2021 15:00

@znaika
The idea of the second wife being a younger but inferior version of the first wife is not mine... there have even been films about it!

Except on MN where all first wives are allegedly bat shit crazy Wink

Thetigerdrankmywine · 14/08/2021 15:04

Nah, I'm definitely more attractive than my mates and they all ended up with men the same age. I did cheat a lot on the boyf who was the same age as me. With older menGrin

MercyBooth · 14/08/2021 15:06

The misogyny and ageism is coming from a woman. So its internalised.

Its not the first time ive come across someone saying younger women who prefer older men arent the most attractive. Tired old stereotype.

This is why id never do OLD. Too many idiots on there who see sex and attraction in a mechanical way. When i was at school because of the attitudes of people like you i really really wanted to be blond haired and blue eyed. Im half Italian and dark brunette and dark brown eyes. Ive had a couple of people comment to me that they are so dark you cant see the irises.

We are seven pages in and yet no one has mentioned sexual chemistry. That thing you cant get from a screen when you are ticking boxes. I had the most amazing sexual chemistry with a man who you probably wouldnt see as conventionally attractive. The delivery driver who was 17 years older than me.

A chemistry like that can hit you like a brick. And it happened to me when i wasnt even looking for it.

OhWhyNot · 14/08/2021 15:12

Yes if this is about sexual attraction

I think many men who have separated later in life want to live a fantasy of having sex with lots of younger women dating sites makes this a lot easier

Most of us look better and we’re more sexually attractive when younger I see far more good looking men mid 30’s than around the age of 50

znaika · 14/08/2021 15:16

It's not misogyny- I've obviously hit a raw nerve with some women- noone cares that you're Amal Clooney (accomplished and beautiful with an older man). It's not really the point I was making.

There is a trend now that women are not financially dependent on men in the same way as they were in the past for the most beautiful and accomplished women to not follow the conventional route. Frequently childless, adopt or have flings and kids with younger and physically beautiful men not rich men.
There are plenty of hollywood actresses to point to this example but I see it in my own life and on here. Is this biological? Now that the society rules are being changed and women can fend for themselves. There is evidence of ancient tribes of women who shunned men and only used them for reproduction (examples in Carpathia and Crimea that people think might be the ancient Amazons) is it jus that middle aged men can be a bit shit or is it the alpha females collecting the best sperm for themselves. There is no debate about the quality of older men's sperm, we know it is worse than younger men's

MercyBooth · 14/08/2021 15:36

The kind of women who end up with older men are generally not the most attractive ones of their age group

Yep Move along. Nothing to see and no misogyny here.

Thetigerdrankmywine · 14/08/2021 15:40

I didn't initially know dh was 10 years older than me. He looked much younger. I did have a wobble when he told me his age, but as we were only meant to be shagging,I didn't think it would ever really be an issue.

znaika · 14/08/2021 15:40

It's not misogyny to say that some women are more physically attractive than others. Neither is it misandry to say that some men aren't very attractive.

znaika · 14/08/2021 15:41

I wouldn't say 10 years is much of an age gap. 15+ certainly.