Do most older men prefer younger women?

[Chippingbird23]

Just wondering as woman what your thoughts are? Do you find it harder to date in 30’s or 40’s or have you found ‘true’ love later in life?

He wasn't searching for a girlfriend 18 years younger, but that just happened.

But I wonder (as I said earlier on,) why men in their 40s and 50s seem to think that they are so sexy and hot and desirable, that they can easily snare a woman 15-20 years younger,

Do they, bit of a sweeping assertion there. Most of the middle aged blokes I know are acutely aware of their receding hair line and growing waistband and are pretty self depreciating about it. There are a few hyper fit exceptions but the idea that most blokes of that age are checking themselves out in the mirror each morning and thinking "yep, I've still got it" is laughable.

@ChampagneWorries

I do think they do prefer younger women but obviously not all men but i do believe its a good proportion.

I did find it very depressing when we had an electrician round lately and dh was showing him some colours of tiles we were having in the bathroom and dh said he didn't think the colours he had chosen would “date”. The electrician replied… no its just the wife that goes out of date! 😲

Wow, did you PAY that person?

Slipperfairy I asked my DH your question a while back and he said slimness trumps age.

Jerseygirl12 My dh would say the same. Even though he's very definitely got a dad bod. I just wondered if it was a general trend, if men are meant to be wired for youth. But then, I suppose being slim is traditionally a sign of youth. Not only that, but even as a slim 40 something, put me next to a slim 20 something and you can clearly see a difference. Knees are unforgiving.

I do wonder whether an older man would prefer an attractive, slim 40yr old, or an unattractive, overweight 25 yr old.

Generally they'd prefer neither.

Most of the middle aged blokes I know are acutely aware of their receding hair line and growing waistband and are pretty self depreciating about it. There are a few hyper fit exceptions but the idea that most blokes of that age are checking themselves out in the mirror each morning and thinking "yep, I've still got it" is laughable.

About 12 years ago, when I was in my 30s, I tried online dating. I was slim but curvy, great figure, pretty face, amazing hair. Men my own age ignored me. I had some interest from younger men. Mainly the messages were from men in their 40s/ 50s/ 60s. Very few were remotely attractive. Most were greying, balding, overweight and just generally hadn't taken care of their physical appearance. And yet all, for some reason, thought I might be interested. I'm not sure if they thought they were actually attractive, or thought I'd be so desperate to settle down that I'd take them anyway.

Back then OK Cupid used to write blogs using stats about service users. Not sure if they still do. They found that whilst women were prepared to date either side of their own age, men consistently set age ranges from their age down. Not only that but when it actually came to who they messaged, they ignored women their own age, even if they stated an interest, and just went for younger women. Not all of them of course, but that was the general trend.

I gave up on OLD. Tried again in my mid 40s and it was very similar. Then met someone down the pub - friend of a friend.

And for whoever it was who said online dating is scraping the barrel - both me and my OH have tried it, it just happens not to be how we met. Many, many people use OLD. It just highlights the fact that there are a lot of people you wouldn't want to date, and a few you might.

@SaharaFlower

He wasn't searching for a girlfriend 18 years younger, but that just happened.

Christ, if that had “just happened” to me, I’d be married to an 86 year old man. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

In the past I set an online dating profile as a bit of an ego boost and also an experiment to see if any one would messsge. I only had it for one hour and got over a hundred messages. I put my real age, early 50’s and a middle/realistic photo of me showing my size 14 middle age figure. Obviously I didn’t reply to anyone and I quickly deleted it. About 90% of men who messaged were a similar age to me. I changed my name and the area I lived in. I have a pretty face, nice hair, I’m short and overweight. I was surprised.

Defo men prefer younger women - genetic programming to ensure greater breeding success.

Whereas women programmed to prefer men who can provide for offspring - ie rich, older guys.

Pejoratives like 'shallow' are misleading - both sexes just following their biological imperatives.

I wish people who posted about biological imperatives actually knew something about biology.

@BertramLacey im interested in what yiu have to say. I have noticed a trend that a lot of my alpha female friends ( beuatiful and successful) have had kids with younger men. Often twats tbh but were they just trying to get the younger sperm?

I think there is such a difference in bodies as we age even of we are strong and healthy and youthful in attitudes. We like to tell lies to ourselves about it.

In answer to why older men think they can get younger women, I think that some erroneously imo believe that their life experience and 'maturity' are attractive enough to compensate for any deterioration in looks. They genuinely think that having the slightly higher status job and material trappings that often come with age makes them superior to younger men. DP is much younger than me and I get comments all the time from older men about when you're sick of the boy and want a man etc. I also think men are more likely to aim high. As they tend to be the ones to make the move, they get more used to rejection than women, and so if they're going to risk it think they may as well go for what they perceive as a higher stake.
As for finding women their age repugnant, it's the idea and the number that puts them off. They have ideas about what 40 or 50 looks like which is very out of date now. If they actually meet an older women it's often different. They often think she is a lot younger for a start.

@Mango101

Defo men prefer younger women - genetic programming to ensure greater breeding success.

Whereas women programmed to prefer men who can provide for offspring - ie rich, older guys.

Pejoratives like 'shallow' are misleading - both sexes just following their biological imperatives.

If its biological then women would prefer younger men as biology would see being 'looked after' and provided for as dependent on strength and youth ie the ability to physically protect, get resources. Wealth and status means of protection and ability to provide are about sociology not biology.

I also think men are more likely to aim high. As they tend to be the ones to make the move, they get more used to rejection than women

I had to hit my husband over the head with a proverbial frying pan to get him to ask me out. He’s older and assumed that I wouldn’t be interested.

Well we're all allowed to be interested in who we want but I have always avoided big age gap relationships for myself.

My aunt married my uncle who was nearly twenty years older than her. She basically became his caregiver when she was just hitting her fifties. She was vibrant and active and wanted to have adventures which all disappeared due to my uncle's age and ill health. She loved him but she always warned me in no uncertain terms never to marry a much older man.

I do remember after I got divorced when I was 31, various older male acquaintances came out of the woodwork asking for dates. I actually found it creepy. That these men in their late forties, whom I knew through alumni groups or professional connections thought about me in a sexual way. They weren't exactly old enough to be my father but ugh!

The interesting thing is that they must have thought they had a chance with me. It's impressive how highly a completely average man can think about himself. I'm not saying I'm a model or anything close to it but looking back I realise I was looking as good as I've ever looked in my early thirties, I was also in really good shape at that time but these near fifty year old men (and they looked it) thought I'd be interested in them? I can't imagine looking at a thirty year old man as a fifty year old woman and thinking I'd have a chance with him romantically!

Defo men prefer younger women - genetic programming to ensure greater breeding success.

What if they don’t actually want to breed? Wouldn’t an older,less fertile woman be a better bet?

In general, yes, in that with online dating people ask for their dream age etc,.and for most men younger seems to be it.

In sex dating I had plenty of younger men contacting me at around 50. Some were just contacting any woman, some did have a fantasy of an older woman. I had some fun with that.

Met my bf on a site for over 50s because it seemed likely men on there would be looking for a woman at the same life stage, which was what I wanted too.

When I was OLD (still sort of on it) I had loads of men 15+ years younger contacting me. They were the ones who were straight up 'Hey Sexy!' You have such an amazing body, great smile and other such assorted shit. It felt like I was a conquest for them and they thought I would be grateful for such drivel. Jog on, you silly boy.

I have an older one. 10 years. It didn't seem like much in my 20s, but I'm a little worried about being 50 and having a 60 yr old dh. Or 60, still active, with a 70 yr old.

Kind of wishing I'd stuck closer to my own age, like my friends have. I can foresee quite a lonely old age.

I'm 60 and have a nearly 70yr old DH. He is fit and active and much healthier than I am. You have no idea what the situation will be in the future so don't waste time assuming.

@CounsellorTroi

Defo men prefer younger women - genetic programming to ensure greater breeding success.

What if they don’t actually want to breed? Wouldn’t an older,less fertile woman be a better bet?

Yes, some people don't want to breed, some prefer same sex partners etc

But not relevant to the general principle that our behaviour is determined by our genes. Behaviour that leads to more children, gets passed on to them in the genes and so on.

@BertramLacey

I wish people who posted about biological imperatives actually knew something about biology.

Unfair post - attack the argument, not the person !

But what is the Biology?
I am not a biologist- surely we all want healthy and strong and able to reproduce successfully? That would mean younger in women and fertile looking in older women, and young and virile in men.

I was trying to explain attractiveness to my daughter as she was looking at youtube etc. I was saying that for all the kardashians lecturing us all about beauty etc no men actually find her and her weird figure attractive (even her own husband is gay allegedly;) ) Attractive is being healthy and dynamic and vital - it's sort of like the vitality of youth.

I think it's mostly about power and men's desire to "dominate" and be adored. Older women are much too wise for such shite so they inevitably go to the malleable, naive younger women to get their egos stroked and to feel like Billy big balls.

That and societies beauty standards/porn/Hollywood culture screaming at us that older women simply can't be attractive. That becomes ingrained and so youth is seen as desirable above all else.

@znaika

But what is the Biology? I am not a biologist- surely we all want healthy and strong and able to reproduce successfully? That would mean younger in women and fertile looking in older women, and young and virile in men.

I was trying to explain attractiveness to my daughter as she was looking at youtube etc. I was saying that for all the kardashians lecturing us all about beauty etc no men actually find her and her weird figure attractive (even her own husband is gay allegedly;) ) Attractive is being healthy and dynamic and vital - it's sort of like the vitality of youth.

Interesting, as ime men find the KK look of tiny waist big hips/ass very attractive, particularly younger ones who have been brought up with it as the current aesthetic. Yes KK is a very exaggerated version, but I think high waist/hip differential is generally considered very attractive as an indicator of fertility?

@znaika

But what is the Biology? I am not a biologist- surely we all want healthy and strong and able to reproduce successfully? That would mean younger in women and fertile looking in older women, and young and virile in men.

I was trying to explain attractiveness to my daughter as she was looking at youtube etc. I was saying that for all the kardashians lecturing us all about beauty etc no men actually find her and her weird figure attractive (even her own husband is gay allegedly;) ) Attractive is being healthy and dynamic and vital - it's sort of like the vitality of youth.

Yes totally, both men and women favour 'attractive young' people - as these traits tend to be correlated to better breeding success - fitter, healthier, eg better hips for childbearing, bigger muscles for fighting tigers etc

However for women (evolutionarily speaking) they also need a partner who will provide for them during pregnancy, childbirth, child-rearing etc. This requires different traits - maturity, status, affluence etc. Which are usually correlated with being older.