GCSE hell. What can I say to get them to back off

[SVlover]

I have a lovely daughter who just doesn’t do so well in exams. I have lovely friends who have A star exam performing daughters. And in-laws with daughters who are outstanding from an academic point of view. My friends. Tomorrow….They all want to celebrate!!! But I am sure results here won’t be wonderful. My daughter is distraught. 2 years ago she took an overdose. So good exam results, or lack of them, mean v little to me. My family are v academic. We feel sort of pressured by my side of the family and my friends about results. My daughter can probably repeat if things don’t go well. I’m ok about it. AIBU to tell everyone to back off.

OP good luck today I hope your DD is happy with her results. Remind her they are like a photograph, a snap shot in time which reflects the strange last 2 years in school. Celebrate the end of having to do that and look forward

Just tell everyone beforehand is a little bit sensitive about her results so you’ll only go out to celebrate if it is understood that she is not expected to tell or be asked her results and you are respectful (not gloating) about your own children’s results.

Also, state that you are proud of her hard work which was reflected in her grades.

@Thehop

“I’m incredibly proud of her. Regardless of results.”

“ She’s decided not to share results, instead we’re celebrating her hard work and next steps. “

This.

Do not feel obligated to be polite in the face of pushy rudeness.

Be very firm with your family if they are nosey and tell them to have some manners and back off.

I cannot stand nosiness about exam results.

Fix a no nonsense snotty expression to your face whilst telling them how proud you are of her.....dare them to ask for specifics.

Very very rude to ask for specific results IMO.

Hope today goes

Agree totally with all above sentiments, we just asked our DC to do their best. Only DS has done GCSEs yet & we told everyone that he’s fine well & got into 6th form . Good luck!

There is no point in losing sleep over GCSE results. They don’t really mean anything and are just a means to an end if you want to go down the university, getting a job route.

Neither dc got many (Ds got 1 dd 4 all Cs except English literature which dd could not make head nor tail of the book they were given to study but she had seen Woman in Black in the cinema 3 times which was an exam choice and got a B😂)
Dd was more interested in her dance exams than her GCSEs and would have been devastated not to pass those.

Both dc are self employed.
Both do work that on paper requires GCSEs, A levels and a degree

Just because you don’t get 8 stellar GCSEs doesn’t mean a thing. If anything you know no one is going to employ you so you have to think outside the box and employ yourself.

If anything not getting loads of GCSEs at A* has meant they can turn their hand to most things and do

I think people think that children not getting academic exams mean they are going to end up unemployed or only getting minimum wage jobs.
There is so much more out there

@WorkingItOutAsIGo

Her grades are her private information for her to share if she wants. But I can tell you I am so proud of her and how she has done.

And repeat.

I have told everyone that DD can share her results if she wants to.

I bumped into someone at the supermarket yesterday who used to live near us, our daughters were at school together when they were little. Our sharing of a level results was along the lines of they've done extremely well and are going to x course at y. (both are very academic) turns out they have chosen the same course though at different universities, that was the interesting information.

Best wishes to all getting GCSE results today, celebrate our young people and look forward to the next phase.

Sending gentle hugs to you and your daughter, I performed well academically and then bombed in my career. The day of my leaving cert results ( Irish A levels) I was with another friend who didn't do well, she took a longer route through volunteering extra years etc and she's now a zoologist, has travelled the world etc while I am in a low level civil service job. I amnt remotely beating myself up . Be proud of you and your daughter. Ps think Jeremy Clarkson has a good tweet on this.

Good luck today, some great responses! Hope your and your daughter have a lovely day x

Beyond grandparents I never shared my kid's gcse or a-level grades. They are not mine to share. "He did fine thank you, we are very proud of him, he worked very hard". As for celebrating, I would be led by the child themselves. From experience we made too much fuss about our first child's gcse results and it created huge pressure to replicate the success at A-Level. Gcse to A-Level is a big jump and hard work. I really hope your dd is OK.

110% Tell everyone that she is v proud of herself and you are all delighted with her achievements.

I think if anyone asks for grades you should say what, so that you can compare my daughter with yours?

Very similar circumstances here op. We won't be telling anyone grades either way. Dd is very nervous as needs one particular subject to get into the course with her friends otherwise she has to do a lower level and we don't think she will get it. But I'm bloody proud of her and the person she has become.

I’m a fan of mirroring people’s lack of class back at them. If they ask, ask them what their partner earns or something personal they wouldn’t want to share.

It’s the long game just wait and see I always think my son was last year’s GCSES and tanked his mocks so his results were based on that. He is at a public school so people were saying oh my god all that money aren’t you disappointed I said no I’m not so many kids are depressed he’s not !!! X

Tell your daughter how proud you are !!

Go somewhere to celebrate as a family? Or perhaps with her friends ?

It’s pretty vulgar to brag about exam results I think- especially as the whole system is so messed up and results seem generally over inflated. I was academic myself and got decent grades, degree, MA etc but my husband is the big earner with his 2 GCSEs. What does the job market go with all these As and A*s? Are these kids going to enter the world expecting ‘well dones’ and pats on the head at every turn? It’s character that counts.

Just sunnily repeat the same lines that give no actual detail:
We’re so proud of her.
She worked so hard.
We’re so happy with her results.
We can’t wait to support her with her next steps.
We’re thrilled with all she has achieved.

I’ve seen parents post on Facebook their pride with no reference to detail. As others have said, it’s the child’s achievement to share.

As an aside, there are no exams this year. So, likely you’ll get a nice surprise as the full picture will be taken account of with teacher assessment. If she’s consistently worked hard, this is definitely the year for this to be acknowledged. It’s no longer an on the day exam snapshot!

You sound such a lovely supportive mum I hope you DD gets the results she needs and totally agree with others that there is no need to share them

Tell them it's private then take your daughter out for a day out. What does she like doing? X

Most people won’t ask for grades but will just care enough that she has what she needs to move to the next stage.

You could get ahead of the storm (if you think that would help) and send a generic or group text to family to say.

“X is really delighted with her achievements and we are so so proud of her.”

Anyone who asks for specific grades has poor social skills and are likely looking to judge and be smug. They need to be responded to with the same attitude you would use with any other rude person who say asked what you earned, weighed etc. Perplexed / shocked expression and don’t answer.

YOU should also be v proud of what you have achieved as a parent to date.

As pp said, the results don't matter in someone's overall life. Academic achievement is only one way to go 🙄.
A colleague with kids similar ages asked me what I wanted mine to be when they're older. He'd been going on about medicine, law etc. I said "Happy". He looked at me flummoxed for a bit then said "Oh! Right, yes of course"

Personally I wouldn't say you'd decided not to share grades unless your DD really doesn't want to. If you can, just front it out. You're genuinely proud of her, and you don't feel these grades matter in the scheme of what you've all been through so show you're not bothered. You and your DD be proud of sitting the exams, life is so much bigger than school. Anyone who's snotty about it can F off tbh. Judgey people are not friends.

We couldn’t be prouder of her, she’s exceeded everything we could have asked for.

what did she get?

Oh she’s decided she doesn’t want to share her results, I don’t think any of her friends are. Anyway you know her, she’s never been one to blow her own trumpet.

well Emily got blah blah

Wow didn’t Emily do fab. If results day has reminded us of anything it’s really how unimportant they are. After everything DD has accomplished these last few years everything else pails in comparison. I’m so proud of her every day, not just results day.

I think that the important thing is that she has the grades to do what she wants to do next. Or that she makes the best of the actual grades she does get to take the next steps in her school life. So I would focus on that and tell people that she is happy with her results as she is able to do xyz. Of course, also say you are proud of the achievement!

You all sound so lovely. I'm sitting here right now feeling the shame of almost thirty years ago while one of my parents who had not acknowledged the breakdown I was having told me (in front of my friends) that I'd let them down.
Cousin was my benchmark, off to Cambridge to study medicine. Despite being a high performer since and having a good relationship with my parents I still feel like a failure deep down.

Such a nice thing to read that you are taking the steps to protect her.