AIBU to be asked to reframe my trauma by the trans CEO of Scottish Rape Crisis?

[herewegogc]

The CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis has said "Sexual violence happens to bigoted people too. But if you bring beliefs that are discriminatory, expect to be challenged on your prejudice. Reframe your trauma"

Apparently, survivors are to be "educated" in this service.

forwomen.scot/10/08/2021/the-real-crisis-at-rape-crisis-scotland/

Tonight is a really tough one. Women who have been raped or sexually assaulted need females to listen to them. Rape Crisis was that service and used to offer trauma based therapy.

I don't need educating - I know that detailing my experience to a man, or a transwomen is NEVER something I will do.

This is too much.

Darn it. I tried.

@Antwerpen

The world has literally gone mad 😡

It has, hasn't it? I really wonder how we make it sane again? What will it take to wake people up, especially the women who support this insanity.

@Falcor

It was honestly not my intention to upset anyone. I still think it is strange to think that people that go through a lot of pain to identify and come out as trans have, some ulterior motive.

But if someone who is fleeing domestic abuse and sexual violence from a male partner (for example) doesn’t want their rape crisis support worker to be a male ….that is nothing really to do with the intentions of the worker, but to do with what the victim needs at that time.

Can anyone think of anything more male than mansplaining women's trauma to women? And yet still being unable to see why women aren't getting on board with it all.

@Falcor

It was honestly not my intention to upset anyone. I still think it is strange to think that people that go through a lot of pain to identify and come out as trans have, some ulterior motive.

Which is why, afaik, no one here actually thinks that.

I still think it is strange to think that people that go through a lot of pain to identify and come out as trans have, some ulterior motive.

Most probably don't, but that isn't really the issue. The issue is whether female survivors of sexual abuse by men, who are understandably uncomfortable discussing their experiences with men, should be required to "reframe their trauma" to accommodate the emotional sensitivities of a man who believes he's a woman.

Falcor it's not about the trans women. It's about the women.

It's about what the women want and need and that they are saying "no" and that is being dismissed.

Do you think women have the right to say "no"?

It’s all just totally illogical nonsense however too.

You cannot say on the one hand that it’s too traumatizing for a trans woman to use the male bathrooms but not too traumatizing for a woman who is fleeing from a man who beat and raped her to stay in a hostel managed by a man.

You are absolutely right. And in trauma we should never be taught or told how to behave. I take everything back. Sorry.

I meant a domestic abuse refuge sorry.

Actually, after some thought …
I mean it does make me ponder why someone, who was born male, would specifically pursue a career in a sector that is well known for having female only provision/spaces/services. Someone at the top of their organisation hasn’t landed there by accident.

I can understand why a transwoman might want to access female only space. What I can’t understand is why a transwoman would specifically pursue a career in a sector used mainly by (cis)women who have been harmed by males and want female only support?

There has been an institutional push to conflate the term sex with gender so single sex spaces have now been reframed as single gender spaces, despite allowances for single sex spaces under the Equality Act 2010 (rape crisis services being very specifically stated as an exemption). The original wording of the Scottish Government's Forensic Medical Services Bill stated gender until an amendment by Johann Lamont changed this to sex. The person who made the comments we are discussing, left their political party in protest at this amendment being approved.

The issue about women being 'educated' is to force them to accept the erosion of the single sex spaces allowed to them by Equality law, particularly when they are vulnerable and distressed. The gatekeeping of services from women unless they agree to be 'educated' is particularly abhorrent.

@Falcor

It was honestly not my intention to upset anyone. I still think it is strange to think that people that go through a lot of pain to identify and come out as trans have, some ulterior motive.

It's irrelevant.

Women are being told here that when they come to a rape crisis charity for help that they have to "check their privilege" basically and watch their mouth.

Women have been chastised in court when giving evidence against their rapists for using the "wrong pronouns". They are forced to stand up in court and recount what happened to them all the while navigating the mental gymnastics required to remember to call their attacker "she".

I don't give a flying fuck how much pain someone has been through to identify the way they want to. It doesn't magically give them the right to trample on other people's rights. Everyone suffers their lot in life. Medical and mental health professionals should not be bringing their personal politics and woes to their clients. Any professional worth their salt wouldn't think to do this in the first place.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.spiked-online.com/2021/01/22/why-are-we-protecting-the-feelings-of-rapists/amp/

@Whatinthelord

Actually, after some thought … I mean it does make me ponder why someone, who was born male, would specifically pursue a career in a sector that is well known for having female only provision/spaces/services. Someone at the top of their organisation hasn’t landed there by accident.

I can understand why a transwoman might want to access female only space. What I can’t understand is why a transwoman would specifically pursue a career in a sector used mainly by (cis)women who have been harmed by males and want female only support?

Validation.

Validate me as a woman.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

It's ok, Falcor.

Those of us who have been on the feminist boards have had time to get our heads round this. It is complicated.

But, your gut is worth trusting, and mine, when I think of the male CEO of my local rape crisis centre says "no".

If I was there as a service user I would expect my "no" to be listened to. Otherwise what the fuck do they exist for?

The uncomfortable truth is that if they prioritise the feelings of a male CEO over those of a female rape victim then they are using the traumatised women as a tool to validate a member of staff's gender identity.

No.

NO.

Fuck that shit. No.

@Whatinthelord

Actually, after some thought … I mean it does make me ponder why someone, who was born male, would specifically pursue a career in a sector that is well known for having female only provision/spaces/services. Someone at the top of their organisation hasn’t landed there by accident.

I can understand why a transwoman might want to access female only space. What I can’t understand is why a transwoman would specifically pursue a career in a sector used mainly by (cis)women who have been harmed by males and want female only support?

The deep empathy engendered by their female gender identity?

I mean, that's just what any woman with a male body would do, right? Try to find vulnerable women traumatised by male bodies to explain to them that not all males are like this?

It's for their own good.

@happydays2345

As someone who has been sexually assaulted I need a decent human to listen to me. I personally don't care how they identify.

For most women and girls , it isn’t about “how they identify “ it’s about what sex they are.

@Falcor

It was honestly not my intention to upset anyone. I still think it is strange to think that people that go through a lot of pain to identify and come out as trans have, some ulterior motive.

Many don't.most don't.

But there is a significantly troubling proportion of males who do want that power trip. Yes, it's a NAMALT situation but it is still enough males to be a problem because the males concerned shout really loud.

Women have the right to say anything they want. Even when they are not smiling

@Whatinthelord

Actually, after some thought … I mean it does make me ponder why someone, who was born male, would specifically pursue a career in a sector that is well known for having female only provision/spaces/services. Someone at the top of their organisation hasn’t landed there by accident.

I can understand why a transwoman might want to access female only space. What I can’t understand is why a transwoman would specifically pursue a career in a sector used mainly by (cis)women who have been harmed by males and want female only support?

External validation and/or political kudos seems the most likely motive.

I have been watching the TRA movement unfold online over the past few years and there's a massive misogynistic streak running through it; a lot of transactivists fall over themselves to bully and threaten the women who speak out. Oddly enough, the few men who do the same never get the same level of nastiness. As someone in a position of considerable power over vulnerable women, I can only hope the CEO we are discussing is doing it from the best of intentions for their female service users.

It isn't 'discriminatory' for a woman who is a victim of rape to require a woman counsellor and anyone who thinks it is needs to reframe their bigotry.

^This 100%. When I went through therapy as a survivor of childhood SA, it was so important for me to find a therapist who I was comfortable with. And for me, it had to be a woman. Surely women who have suffered sexual violence should have the right to that choice without being judged for it??

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

It's ok, Falcor.

Those of us who have been on the feminist boards have had time to get our heads round this. It is complicated.

But, your gut is worth trusting, and mine, when I think of the male CEO of my local rape crisis centre says "no".

If I was there as a service user I would expect my "no" to be listened to. Otherwise what the fuck do they exist for?

The uncomfortable truth is that if they prioritise the feelings of a male CEO over those of a female rape victim then they are using the traumatised women as a tool to validate a member of staff's gender identity.

No.

NO.

Fuck that shit. No.

Fuck that shit thrice and sideways. Down with patriarchy and capitalism

This is DISGUSTING. I saw it on Twitter and couldn’t believe what I was reading.

How the hell is this person allowed anywhere near rape and sexual assault victims.

This has to stop now. Women are being expected to roll over and take this shit and WE WON’T.

I think I’ve tipped over from anger I couldn’t properly put into words (hence lurking on these boards for months) into calm now. This is fucking disgusting and I’m done with being quiet now. Thanks OP and others for this.