AIBU to be asked to reframe my trauma by the trans CEO of Scottish Rape Crisis?

[herewegogc]

The CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis has said "Sexual violence happens to bigoted people too. But if you bring beliefs that are discriminatory, expect to be challenged on your prejudice. Reframe your trauma"

Apparently, survivors are to be "educated" in this service.

forwomen.scot/10/08/2021/the-real-crisis-at-rape-crisis-scotland/

Tonight is a really tough one. Women who have been raped or sexually assaulted need females to listen to them. Rape Crisis was that service and used to offer trauma based therapy.

I don't need educating - I know that detailing my experience to a man, or a transwomen is NEVER something I will do.

This is too much.

I think it's likely that the moderation rules which are specific to the sex and gender board are being applied to this this thread, despite it being on AIBU. This really should be stated if this is the case.

LastSummerHere post at 15:11:

Couldn't have put it better myself. Well said.

It's disgraceful

The women posting on this thread are brilliant. This is truly my single issue. I find it horrific that a woman is denied the right to have care from a biological woman. As a SA survivor I have never dealt with my traumas, I have buried them in the deep recesses of my mind. However if I ever got the courage to seek help it would have to be from a woman, I know I would need my therapist to have a lived experience as a girl and woman. It is the many, many small assaults, lack of power, lack of a voice, self blame that I feel only a woman who has been a girl could understand.

I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it is how I feel.

There's nothing on the extra guidelines which say they're specific to one board, afaik.

But I'll note that the first sentence in bold after the title is
Mumsnet will always stand in solidarity with vulnerable or oppressed minorities.

I think the fact this thread has been put back on AIBU may well be because MNHQ do recognise that rape victims are exactly that and do need proper support.

It's a good idea for anyone who engages in these discussions to read the guidelines, general and specific.

www.mumsnet.com/i/netiquette

And

www.mumsnet.com/i/trans-rights-moderation-policy

Twisties

You make perfect sense.

If I worked in a rape crisis centre, and someone in distress didn't want me for whatever reason, maybe a man would actually prefer to speak to another man rather than a woman for example- different reasons perhaps but in this scenario, I wouldn't feel offended, I would respect everything that they wanted and would just hope that somebody they felt was appropriate for them was able to help quickly.

How narcissistic does someone have to be, to suggest women going through absolute hell should 'reframe their trauma'?

And this has nothing to do with transphobia- it's about biological males.

I went to an appointment at the GUM clinic a few years ago and needed an pelvic examination. Was allocated a male dr and he was lovely but when it came to him examining me, I froze, I almost had a panic attack, I couldn't deal with it. I said I needed a female dr. He was kind, told me I might have to wait a little bit but he would get his female colleague ASAP. He wasn't offended- just understanding and helpful.

Because he wasn't an narcissist.

I hope anyone working at Edinburgh rape crisis who is complicit in this clusterfuck is reading this thread and feeling ashamed of what they are being asked to represent. And I hope the Scottish mainstream press and the press in general will pick this up.

As a rape victim you should be able to reject a Councillor for whatever reason no matter what

@beastlyslumber

Rape victims aren't allowed to call men men.

But males are allowed to call rape victims bigots.

Thats exactly it.

Where do mumsnet tell you why they have deleted your post? I have done nothing wrong, I don't understand the deletion?

I just cannot get my head around this.

Why would anyone force their presence on anyone who is traumatised?

Why cannot rape victims chose their counsellor?

Why would someone working with rape victims decide that their own feelings comes ahead of the traumatised victims?

I am genuinely so upset by this.

It is OK for the general public to shop around for a councillor that they feel they can trust to share difficult and intimate topics of conversation. This is a given. It is expected that persons seeking support through therapeutic counselling will need to feel comfortable with the therapist/ social worker and has the right to shop around. Yet survivors of rape are being warned that they dare not seek to access a woman to speak to about their trauma.

@LoverOfLight

Can you please cite your sources saying transwomen commit sexual assault as often as men please?

There were 60 trans women sex offenders in jail in 2017, from a population estimated at 100,000 (though from the recent Judicial Review, I think this did not include any possible GRC holders, as they are counted as women in the stats, and not as transwomen). There were 126 women sex offenders in prison, from a population estimated at 33 million. And there were around 13,000 men sex offenders in prison, again from a population of 33 million.

archive.vn/62hRh

The gap between women, and transwomen, sex offenders as a proportion of respective population is extremely glaring. Those are male rates of offending - they are massively, massively higher than those of women.

In addition, 1 in 50 male prisoners now say they are trans, according to Ministry of Justice figures. Clearly, 1 in 50 of the general male population is not trans - it's a hugely lower proportion. There are only two possible options: one is that transwomen are much more prone to criminality than non-trans male people - which seems wholly unlikely - and the other is that some criminal men will falsely claim a trans identity, if they think it useful in some way. Women have long been warning about this risk, and have been contemptuously dismissed.

Rhona Hotchkiss has written an excellent article on this situation, in terms of how women in prisons are impacted by placing male people in the women's estate. She's fairly heartbreaking on what it does to women, already traumatised and vulnerable, to be locked up alongside male people, who may be sex offenders, but forced to pretend that they're women, too.

• counsellor

@Twistiesandshout it makes perfect sense, and was beautifully put.

Do you know what really pisses me off as well... I subscribe to the Times, they often write good measured articles on this type of issue. But what annoys me intensely is there often comments from men saying 'why aren't women complaining about this?' And then even on mumsnet we can't talk openly.

@Tuscancat

Where do mumsnet tell you why they have deleted your post? I have done nothing wrong, I don't understand the deletion?

Did you accidentally use a wrong pronoun? Make any protest against the rules? That's what I did, I really tried to get all my pronouns correct, but it doesn't matter. Men are allowed to issue rape and death threats all over social media and all over the streets, but struggling with the removal of general pronouns - that's the real crime.

Posted too soon... basically I see another of women complaining about this and not being listened to or being told to shut up
Well fuck off.

Alot of women not another.

As a rape survivor I find this disgusting. When I finally reached out after being raped I didn't want to speak to a man, I only wanted to discuss my attack with a woman, I found men terrifying if I didn't know them. All the staff at the place where I went to do my interview & who came to see me at my mum's when I first reported it were women. When it came to the investigation one of the team was a male Sergeant who spoke to me like I was a silly little girl who was telling tales in school, he was so bad my mum asked him to leave because he was upsetting me so much. When a woman has been raped or sexually assaulted she should have the right to be dealt with & supported by females, it is hard enough having to discuss what has happened to you without having someone of the same sex as your attacker there. There should be no question of anyone of the same sex as the attacker being involved in any part of the process or the counselling & support of any woman who has been abused or assaulted if the woman does not consent to it.

I am guessing i was deleted because I told the truth about men, about sex offenders and about the kind of person who would put their needs above those of a survivor of rape.

@LoverOfLight

Also I feel like I need to say that I have consistently and somewhat vociferously defended trans rights on the mumsnet feminism boards but this is not okay and defensible.

I hope this doesn't sound dickish but I appreciate your honesty in saying this.

Thank you @PickUpAPepper

@tuscancat you don't generally get a message to say why you've got a deletion if it's a minor infraction (non - deliberate pronoun misuse or 'troll hunting' as examples) but as it's likely that someone has reported your post for some reason, Mumsnet should be able to tell you the reason for your deletion. Best bet is to email them or report your post above to ask for a reason.