AIBU to be asked to reframe my trauma by the trans CEO of Scottish Rape Crisis?

[herewegogc]

The CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis has said "Sexual violence happens to bigoted people too. But if you bring beliefs that are discriminatory, expect to be challenged on your prejudice. Reframe your trauma"

Apparently, survivors are to be "educated" in this service.

forwomen.scot/10/08/2021/the-real-crisis-at-rape-crisis-scotland/

Tonight is a really tough one. Women who have been raped or sexually assaulted need females to listen to them. Rape Crisis was that service and used to offer trauma based therapy.

I don't need educating - I know that detailing my experience to a man, or a transwomen is NEVER something I will do.

This is too much.

@Mulletsaremisunderstood

It's so sad and depressing how many women will always centre men no matter what. Men who identify as women are not more vulnerable than women who have been raped FFS.

The internalised misogyny is astounding. They cannot possibly understand that women do not want to be around any man, regardless of how he feels.

It is a disgusting re-victimising of these women to expect them to just put up with men who claim to be women in a rape crisis centre. And be told that they are the ones with the problem if they object!

How has it come to this?

It's abusive as hell. Any woman who tries to get other women to lower their safeguards and remove their boundaries just so they don't hurt men's stupid feelings is a fucking abuser. Did you hear that Wroxie, you smug git? You're an ABUSER and you need to stay the hell away from helplines for women.

You keep patting yourself on the back like you're a good girl and telling yourself the men approve. They don't...they fucking hate you just like they hate the rest of us and maybe even a little bit more, because they will hold you, a woman who shits over her own, in total disdain.

Well, Wroxie covered herself in glory there.

I dunno what to say about this whole issue that won't get me deleted. I just can't get over MW's massive sense of entitlement.

"I'm too stupid to argue with you" is a new one on me

Hi Top,and Hellov - I am OK, and I thank you for your support.

It is upsetting to read Wroxie's non-empathetic take on this, but at least what they have said has underlined how true the great points that everyone have made on this thread are.

I hope all the women reading this thread feel as supported as I do today. 💐

Very well put by DrS

We should all be fucking incandescent with fury over this
We are and have been for actual years now. We were shouting into a void, silenced often, barred from sites because we told the truth and it's not wanted.

We have seen what was coming and now even on here where we are at least allowed (within guidelines) to say what we believe we have been hived off to our own section, hidden from most people because we are the bigots.
I cant tell you how many times some woman gets it and posts in aibu or similar and poster after poster has a little "you are bigoted wimmins " and gets the whole post moved to our little corner, never to be seen by the vast majority of users. Its finally now becoming more well known and harder to hide us away but I do wonder if it's now too late.

@Vanishun

"I'm too stupid to argue with you" is a new one on me

Hahahahahaha.

So more about SWA

forwomen.scot/11/08/2021/scottish-womens-aid-have-failed-the-womens-aid-network/?fbclid=IwAR3bO1zYWW56VEGDZo0ZVsgcsfoiduY8OZaNt_Kl1FB6U1UxkjufgOBKVos

I do wonder about the motivation of anyone who gets themselves into a position (paid or voluntary) where they can knowingly cause further pain to vulnerable women. It is abusive behaviour, IMO.

And this is excellent by jo

thecritic.co.uk/reframe-your-trauma/

@ClippettyClop

I do wonder about the motivation of anyone who gets themselves into a position (paid or voluntary) where they can knowingly cause further pain to vulnerable women. It is abusive behaviour, IMO.

Absolutely.

@Vanishun

"I'm too stupid to argue with you" is a new one on me

Hahaha!

@ifIwerenotanandroid I don't understand your comment. I am a woman and wroxie was having a go at me because I called them out for victim-blaming and virtue-signalling. They responded with that nasty comment about how they're more traumatised than anyone else.

beastlyslumber I read androids reply as supporting you. But maybe they will confirm what they mean.

I have actively shown empathy to lots of women who have been raped and will continue to do so.
If you are insisting that one of the most common trauma responses to rape is 'transphobic' , then no you're not showing empathy. At all.
Just the opposite, in fact.
I find it exceedingly callous for anyone to know that a hurt and vulnerable rape victim would be scared in the presence of a male person, and dismiss that as bigotry. Bloody awful.
This entire conflict has made me realise just how little respect and empathy some people have for women, and its deeply shocking.

Wow. A rape victim who comes to an organisation set up expressly to support her shouldn't have to focus on 'reframing' her trauma so that someone allegedly there to support her doesn't feel uncomfortable. It's not about the support worker. It's about the victim. This shouldn't need saying.

For anyone asking what to do. Writing to your elected representatives is effective.

www.writetothem.com/

MP, MSPs, councillors, etc.

It doesn't need to be long, or full of information. Let them know that women's rights are under threat and that you are concerned. Direct them to forwomen.scot.

@Helleofabore

beastlyslumber I read androids reply as supporting you. But maybe they will confirm what they mean.

Oh, maybe I got that wrong then. Apologies @ifIwerenotanandroid if I took it the wrong way.

Requesting a same sex therapist is nothing like using racist words.

In the place for sexually abused dc where I work there is an exceptional male therapist.
He is particularly valued by some of the boys we see but also does excellent work with some of girls.
It can be therapeutically useful for some girls to build a non abusive relationship with an adult male.
But only some and at no point would either pressure be put on either sex of dc to work with someone whose sex they weren't comfortable with.
I've done assessments with boys who have asked to wait for a male therapist before starting their sessions. It is a total non issue other than the wait time.

The person having the therapy has to be the centered person.
I therefore don't try and censor the language and words used by the dc. I'm clear they can use language they feel comfortable with and I will use language that I'm comfortable with.
The sessions are a safe, confidential and non judgmental space.
I'm not a teacher.
That doesn't mean that as the therapeutic relationship develops I don't sometimes suggest ways of tackling issues or viewing things.
But this has to be from the perspective of making the clients life better it isn't about producing a socially acceptable person.

It is my job to ensure that I'm not racist, sexist, classist, homophobic, disabilitist or transphobic. It isn't my role to ensure the client has my beliefs.
They come to their sessions to gain support for their trauma that is all.

If a trans person was to request to see a trans counsellor, would they be 're-educated' or would they do everything they could to source one?

As a rape survivor, I found Wroxie's comments quite confusing and they induced intense guilt in my for needing a female sexed person.

I have thought about why this is and whether I am indeed a bigoted transphobe for wanting a female person. I have also had to think whether my thoughts align me with racists everywhere. I wonder how many lurkers also now feel dirty and guilty too?

The thing is, I would use the N word any more than I would use the "Tra@%y word. They are both awful slurs.

In my life I don't consider poc to be a threat to me, or higher risk than white people. There is no evidence to support there being a higher risk to me. Hence I'm not scared of poc as a category of people.

However, males have threatened, abused, raped and attacked me throughout my life. Males of various races, heights, eye colour etc. Males commit 99% of sexual crimes, so there is evidence that they are a risk to women. There are 80k men in prison in England, compared to 3.4k women. Men are more dangerous as a category than women. Stronger and bigger usually.

So I don't equate not wanting a transwoman to counsel me to being transphobic. They could be the most lovely, kind, generous transwoman in the world, but they would still fall under the male sex class and I would still feel more exposed and vulnerable than with a female person.

If that means I am guilty as a rape victim of being phobic, then I guess I can't do anything about that. But I don't think it does. I think that it is a reasonable request in the circumstances.

*not use

And just to add. No I don't think all transwomen are waiting to abuse women.