Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try CIO?

197 replies

Babymeanswashing · 10/08/2021 20:11

I know it’s a contentious issue on here, but AIBU to try CIO on a nine month old?

Attitudes are variable. I don’t believe it will have her growing up like a child in a Romanian orphanage but my main worry is that it just won’t work and she’ll end up completely hysterical and still sleeping badly.

I’m eager to avoid her growing up a poor sleeper tbh.

Bear in mind I haven’t done it yet so don’t totally flame me!

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 13/08/2021 15:20

1940s Fri 13-Aug-21 12:59:11
Handsoffstrikesagain
The people on that group are evil and bad mothers/fathers. Literally the shittest of parenting being displayed over there. Those babies could have reflux and be in agony lay flat, starving hungry, wind, anything. That is really distressing tbh and FB needs to ban it for encouraging abusive parenting practises.

Yet some posters here think it's an absolutely safe and valid option

People on here who support CIO have not said it’s fine to leave a baby who is hungry, has reflux, has vomited (as you mentioned previously), etc.

Original poster
Babymeanswashing · 13/08/2021 15:28

I don’t think I ever would go for CIO but what some posters don’t seem to understand is how desperate you can feel. I’m sure some will be back to say they had three hours sleep every other week and managed to work full time as well as doing charity work or something but I can’t.

The big problem with DD has always been getting her back to bed once she’d woken, she just wants to be held, I did try to co sleep but it didn’t work and I got no rest at all.

Things have improved - they might change again tonight who knows - but I stand by what I said, someone genuinely concerned about a baby would try to help not just be rude.

OP posts:
Handsoffstrikesagain · 13/08/2021 15:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Thirtyrock39 · 13/08/2021 15:45

@Namechanger0800

And while on the subject of CIO being damaging I think it's actually all the supposedly 'child led' advice about routines =bad which is damaging because it then ends up with desperate parents thinking about doing CIO and fractious over tired babies hysterically crying.

Never do I feel
More shit than when I haven't had enough sleep so why on earth is that different for babies? parents swooping in at the slightest whimper and not actively nudging babies into healthy sleep and routine habits contributes to this desperation

Totally agree. Boundaries and routines make everyone both children and adults feel emotionally secure and are really important . Attachment courses such as Solihull parenting cover this in great detail and do talk about how important this is and we did a section on sleep hygiene and the benefits of this . The idea that sleep training is neglectful or evil is nonsense and poor sleep can cause all kinds of issues later on
1940s · 13/08/2021 15:47

I think sleep training and routines are brilliant. I couldn't have lives without them.

However my true feeling is that if a child is not responding to a properly implemented gentle method with proper consistency and 100% effort then they're not ready for sleeping through the night and so to then leave them to fully cry it out with no comfort or attention is cruel.

ellemenopee · 13/08/2021 15:53

Not RTFT - could you get an infant sleep specialist to help and see what they can suggest? I found No Milk Like Mama's Milk recently and have just bought her sleep course.

My gut feel is absolutely no for CIO. But we cosleep and I can't bear DD crying. I think it would cripple me.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 13/08/2021 16:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

NumberTheory · 13/08/2021 19:17

@Handsoffstrikesagain

numbertheory for clarity, I was specifically referring to that group.
I realised you were. 1940 was likening it to people on here, though. And no one on here has suggested any of that.
3WildOnes · 13/08/2021 19:45

@NumberTheory someone one this group did recommend a group which supports leaving babies to cio from newborn and to cio it out for multiple hours despite them appearing very distressed or vommitting multiple times.
As I said I am not against sleep training. All of mine have been sleep trained and I do give mine a few minutes to see if they settle and a few more minutes if their cries arent distressed or hysterical.
That group is an extreme though.

NumberTheory · 13/08/2021 20:38

[quote 3WildOnes]@NumberTheory someone one this group did recommend a group which supports leaving babies to cio from newborn and to cio it out for multiple hours despite them appearing very distressed or vommitting multiple times.
As I said I am not against sleep training. All of mine have been sleep trained and I do give mine a few minutes to see if they settle and a few more minutes if their cries arent distressed or hysterical.
That group is an extreme though.[/quote]
Recommending MN to someone isn’t the same as agreeing with everything everyone posts here. And recommending a group that provides support on CIO is not the same as being fine with everything mentioned in that group. Which doesn’t mean I think the group is fine, I’ve never been on it, but it doesn’t mean that anyone on this thread has supported any of the things 1940 suggested some posters thought were “absolutely safe and valid options”

1940s · 13/08/2021 20:39

There is someone in this thread who recommends the Facebook group and CIO extinction with no comfort and no reassurance, deeming it a perfectly safe and good option to take. Apparently I'm ignorant for disagreeing

1940s · 13/08/2021 20:40

Number theory you should take a look at the group. It's absolutely horrific

1940s · 13/08/2021 20:40

I'm also not sure what support parents need when they have opted to leave their child for a full night with zero interventions. Posters on that Facebook group even say do not go in if they have vomited

Mum21031608 · 13/08/2021 20:56

I did controlled crying with my 9 month old because his sleeping behaviours were just unmanageable.

I did it under the guidance of a sleep consultant who did worked wonders in lots of ways....it certainly wasn’t just about leaving him to cry for extended periods of time. She changed his entire daytime routine and overhauled his bedtime routine and within a week I had a completely different baby.

PM me if you want any further details....or her name Grin

StarDrawers · 13/08/2021 21:08

@1940s

I'm also not sure what support parents need when they have opted to leave their child for a full night with zero interventions. Posters on that Facebook group even say do not go in if they have vomited
That's so dangerous!
1940s · 13/08/2021 21:19

@Mum21031608

I did controlled crying with my 9 month old because his sleeping behaviours were just unmanageable.

I did it under the guidance of a sleep consultant who did worked wonders in lots of ways....it certainly wasn’t just about leaving him to cry for extended periods of time. She changed his entire daytime routine and overhauled his bedtime routine and within a week I had a completely different baby.

PM me if you want any further details....or her name Grin

Still a very different tactic to complete CIO
Monday26July · 13/08/2021 21:21

@1940s

There is someone in this thread who recommends the Facebook group and CIO extinction with no comfort and no reassurance, deeming it a perfectly safe and good option to take. Apparently I'm ignorant for disagreeing
No, you’re ignorant because you called sleep training (including non CIO methods) barbaric and cruel, and then when presented with actual evidence as to their safety and efficacy you said you wouldn’t read and didn’t need peer reviewed research, because there are some websites that say it’s bad.

That’s why you’re ignorant. You think you can get away with being nasty, judgmental and shaming of other parents under the guise of caring about babies. But as OP has stated more than once, if you actually cared then you’d have offered advice and help.

Let’s not twist history, eh? Although I can totally understand why you’d prefer to believe what you’ve stated is why you’re ignorant, rather than the real reason. It’s not a good look.

Mum21031608 · 13/08/2021 21:25

Mum21031608: I did controlled crying with my 9 month old because his sleeping behaviours were just unmanageable. I did it under the guidance of a sleep consultant who did worked wonders in lots of ways....it certainly wasn’t just about leaving him to cry for extended periods of time. She changed his entire daytime routine and overhauled his bedtime routine and within a week I had a completely different baby. PM me if you want any further details....or her name.

Still a very different tactic to complete CIO

Absolutely...and hopefully a positive story to show OP that gentler methods can work. I understand the OP’s desperation, I’ve been there, but I really can’t see how CIO could ever be seen as an acceptable path to take.

Monday26July · 13/08/2021 21:27

And with that I’m hiding the thread as your ignorance is unbearable. It’s one thing to not recognise you’re ignorant about something, quite another to celebrate and defend it.

3WildOnes · 13/08/2021 21:59

@numbertheory it is completely different to recommending mumsnet. Mumsnet covers a large range of topics and allows people to express a wide range of views. That group specifically supports cio from newborn and with no limit to number of hours baby has been crying. If you post that you disagree with leaving an 8 week old baby to cio for hours at a time then your comment is removed and you are kicked out of the group. So yeah completely different.

NumberTheory · 13/08/2021 22:33

[quote 3WildOnes]@numbertheory it is completely different to recommending mumsnet. Mumsnet covers a large range of topics and allows people to express a wide range of views. That group specifically supports cio from newborn and with no limit to number of hours baby has been crying. If you post that you disagree with leaving an 8 week old baby to cio for hours at a time then your comment is removed and you are kicked out of the group. So yeah completely different.[/quote]
No one on this thread has said any of those are fine. Recommending that group as a place for support if you want to try sleep training is not saying those practices are fine even if some people on the group think they are. It's saying it's a group where you can get support. It may not be a good group - you don't think it is and it's good you've explained that so people have a wider view of it. Still doesn't mean the poster that recommended the group was recommending those particular practices.

1940s · 13/08/2021 22:49

I've said sleep training can be brilliant I even said I used gentle methods.

CIO extinction method offering no comfort or reassurance is horrific and the huge huge majority of parents would agree which is why so few people do it.

You can call me ignorant and I truly don't care. I hope parents who use extinction method CIO on their children feel ashamed. No amount of paperwork that you can try to show me will change my mind. It's lazy cruel parenting and children deserve so much more

New posts on this thread. Refresh page