To try CIO?

[Babymeanswashing]

I know it’s a contentious issue on here, but AIBU to try CIO on a nine month old?

Attitudes are variable. I don’t believe it will have her growing up like a child in a Romanian orphanage but my main worry is that it just won’t work and she’ll end up completely hysterical and still sleeping badly.

I’m eager to avoid her growing up a poor sleeper tbh.

Bear in mind I haven’t done it yet so don’t totally flame me!

I think CIO is just cruel for absolutely no reason. You wouldn't leave an adult distressed like that, or an animal so why does anyone think it's okay to leave their babies like that.
They are just babies, they know nothing of the world. It's big and scary. They just want their comfort (mum/dad). So many things go on in a young child's mind. Yabu.

Co sleeping isn’t at all effective, she still wakes up all the time and she’s now able to crawl and pull herself up. I don’t actually think it reassures her or helps settle her. And I don’t get a wink of sleep either! I know it is suggested on here loads as a solution to sleeping problems but tbh it’s always been a mystery to me as when I’ve tried I end up freezing, lying on one tiny corner of the bed being whacked in the face and kicked in the belly / back and she still wakes up all the time!

When she was a newborn and she woke at around 4/5 I’d take her into bed with me and that was nice but she’s so physical just now.

Lots of the posts about this on mumsnet assume the baby will be extremely hysterically upset. So just to say that was not my experience. If it had got like that at any point then I would have stopped.

Justchillmama on Instagram offer help, advice and routines. Well worth a look.

her afternoon nap is probably a bit late, usually 12:30 -2:30 (unless that’s what you meant) and a few tweaks on her routine could really help settle her down.

Is she having formula or bf overnight?

We did a bit of cc/ Ferber with our first, worked really well. I wouldn’t do full cio though.

CIO is really really cruel and to be honest I think the CC method is too. All you are doing is breaking your baby's trust in you. A recent study found that even if the baby stops crying and appears to be asleep, their distress levels are extremely high.

She sounds hungry in my opinion, I would feed her when she wakes up good luck

My ex husband did this to our daughter when I was working evenings. She was still getting into bed with us aged 14, not a good idea in my opinion.

Oh and any new tweak/ trying to break habits can take 3 days to implement new /break habits

I do feed her when she wakes but it does have a knock on effect on what she takes the next day, so then she wakes up as she’s hungry, it’s so difficult getting it right.

I'd drop the third nap and bring bedtime earlier - most sleep schedules I've seen have that dropped around 7-8 months so that might be throwing things out. If she needed the third nap you wouldn't be finding it hard to get her to have it.

I know it's hard but one of the things I have learnt that weirdly brings me the most comfort is that it's all just a phase (even the good stuff!) There will be times when sleep gets better and worse but it will keep changing. Sleep is developmental and they need to learn how to self soothe but it comes in their own time. Easier to accept that, try to create good conditions for them to sleep but not force it and go with what happens. If we had more realistic expectations of sleep for young children I think it would make things easier to cope with for a lot of parents (myself included!)

I'd suggest trying Ferber instead (big fan here) otherwise getting a sleep trainer/consultant in to offer tailored advice if your funds allow.

Drop the 3rd nap and focus on night weaning rather than CIO. You need to gradually shift her so she’s taking nutrients during the day and not tanking up on milk at night.

One tip that worked for me was gradually reducing the amount of milk in bottles offered at night and making them more and more watery. My DD’s interest in the night bottles faded pretty quickly and she ate more during the day.

Whenever I’ve dropped the third nap and aimed for an earlier bedtime it’s just a disaster. I’ll try the water trick, thanks.

With night weaning I would just go cold turkey. If she is ff then just offer water instead. If she is breastfed have dad take over the nights for a couple of weeks and just offer water.

Also I would try using the huckleberry app if you aren’t already to find the right wake windows.

Also once you have night weaned I would try giving her a few mini once she wakes to see if she will settle back to sleep. At first you will probably have to go in a settle most times but she should start settling herself more and more. When you do go in and settle try not to lift her out of the cot but offer reassurance next to the cot, patting or stroking.

She won’t drink water - I wish she would!

I defo agree with drop the 3rd nap, check timings of 2 naps and go for an early bedtime. Go off wake times, how long should be awake. I might weaned by eating down formula, rightly or wrongly. If your dc is really into their milk then pick one time to do a night feed, to remove that doubt from their mind. Then aim to comfort them in their cot. Any changes you make, stick to them for 2 weeks before declaring a success or failure. I would do ask this before coming back to the cc / cio option.

Nothing is instant, dropping her third nap and re arranging her other 2 naps and bed time will take time to adjust too.

You can adjust what you do in the day time while she gets use to it. Keep days simple, low key and not too stimulating that way she isn’t as tired.

You have to look at this long term, there is no good quick fix.

OK, well as I’ve said it’s when she won’t do the last nap I’m guaranteed an awful night. I get it may have worked well for your babies but you’ll just have to believe me, it doesn’t work here.

What an awful comment, @1940s

Of course I try to minimise her distress. That’s why I’m getting next to no sleep, because I am up most of the night trying to comfort her.

And it wasn’t an offhand comment. Whenever I’ve seen these discussions on here people start to compare CIO to Romanian orphanages. I disagree with this. Those babies had no interaction or stimulation at all. They don’t compare to my very loved child who has plenty of games and toys and walks and attention.

I think your post is the disgusting one.

Your child is going to go through sleep transitions. She’s going to go from 3 to 2 naps, then from 2 to 1 nap and then transition to no naps. All of these transitions will take time and some effort on your part to facilitate.

It’s not just dropping the last nap, you need to rearrange the other 2 naps and bring her bedtime forward so that she is better rested by bed time.

My 3yr old has only started sleeping through in the last 6 months and that’s because he has no naps now but it took a month of adjusting our day time routine so he wasn’t over tired or stressed by bed time.

If they are refusing naps quite often it’s because they don’t need them. She is telling you something

I reluctantly did CIO once when DD was little on the advice of 2 HVs- assumed they must know what they're talking about. I was wrong. It was hideous. She screamed herself into exhaustion then woke shortly later hysterical. She was clingy for days and days after.

Fast forward a few months and I tried the Baby Whisperer pick up put down method. It was miraculous. You don't leave the baby at all, so there's nothing distressing about it. She was a bloody brilliant sleeper within days - seriously - and was able to go back to sleep by herself whenever she roused at those 45min sleep cycles so it transformed her naps. Most telling for me was that she would wake from naps and in the morning happy and babbling because it meant she'd had a proper sleep and wasn't upset that I wasn't there the moment she opened her eyes.

@1940s I really don't think your comments are helpful. OP just wants some advice and support, she doesn't need judgement.