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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try CIO?

197 replies

Babymeanswashing · 10/08/2021 20:11

I know it’s a contentious issue on here, but AIBU to try CIO on a nine month old?

Attitudes are variable. I don’t believe it will have her growing up like a child in a Romanian orphanage but my main worry is that it just won’t work and she’ll end up completely hysterical and still sleeping badly.

I’m eager to avoid her growing up a poor sleeper tbh.

Bear in mind I haven’t done it yet so don’t totally flame me!

OP posts:

Indecisivelurcher · 10/08/2021 20:52

I kind of think the checks in controlled crying are mostly for the parents benefit rather than the babies. They did used to wind my Dd up. I stand by that.

I used a sleep consultant with my ds, and also to help Dd when she was 4yo. Is that an option? She basically tweaked ds routine and we did controlled crying. The support getting dh & I on same side was the most valuable thing.

Itsbeen84yearss · 10/08/2021 20:54

@Babymeanswashing my nearly 9 month old did four months of being awake every hour. Two weeks ago I took a very strict approach to her naps. Up at between 6 and 7. One hour nap in the morning and one hour fifteen minutes in the afternoon no later than 4pm. Bedtime 7:30pm. She’s since been a lot better. It’s longer awake times than ‘recommended’ and she’s a bit more hard work in the day but I’m seeing the benefit at night. How much sleep is your baby having in the day?

Recessed · 10/08/2021 20:55

I was OBSESSED with getting my DC to sleep so I really do feel your pain but hardcore CIO with a 9mo is just cruel. It's worth a try for a few minutes obviously and if she just fusses/whinges a bit but nods off then great but if it's not working and she's becoming completely hysterical then YWBU to continue. I know you're probably at the end of your thether and panicking about work but I can pretty much guarantee you'll regret it down the line.

I would keep going with the gentler methods, try to stop any night feeds so she stops having a reason to wake up, don't pick her up unless she's inconsolable, just rub her back etc. I wouldn't bring the DC into my bed, I'd stay in their room if needs be (we had a futon in there) but they remained in the cot so they didn't get into the habit of looking for my bed.

It WILL get easier just keep going x

DueyCheatemAndHow · 10/08/2021 20:55

Hi OP

No flaming from me, sleepless nights left me genuinely suicidal.

However I don't think CIO works. Can you afford £200 or so? We got a sleep consultant in and honestly it was the best money I've ever spent (and I've bought some nice things!!!) Having one person tell us what to do was so helpful. We did gradual retreat with a really helpful schedule for the day. He slept through- it took about a month - but he slept through with no tears. It honestly saved my sanity.

MammaBear18 · 10/08/2021 20:55

I think the poor sleep suggests some underlying issues that you should address first. Could be allergies, intolerances, lots of things. Babies generally know how to sleep and will sleep a good chunk by this age. I'd suggest contacting your HV or GP and keeping a diary of the naps and food and see if there are any patterns you can spot. How is the day sleep? Maybe the naps are too long or too often - have a look into Possums approach which is really interesting. Not just about history of sleep (might help you understand what is normal/usual for this age) and how to improve sleep hygiene.

Like people have said, there are many different avenues to explore before leaving the baby to cry themselves to sleep (which you shouldn't do anyway, no matter what age. They're a human being after all)

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 10/08/2021 20:56

She generally wakes for the day at around 7 (half an hour either side there typically I would say.) First nap around 10, generally 1-1.5 hours.

Second nap is usually between 2-2:30. This is usually similar length.

Then I try to get a third nap in between 5 and 6 but sometimes she just won’t and it’s those days when we have an awful night as she gets overtired and stimulated.

She does have a very loose bedtime routine of bath and clean nappy, baby grow, white noise. I’ve been trying to rub her back in the cot to get her to sleep rather than holding her, but I’m not sure it’s made a lot of difference?

OP posts:

sofiegiraffe · 10/08/2021 20:58

Sleep is developmental and if you leave little one to cio then she'll just learn no one is coming.

This. It will cause such distress for her developing brain. The idea actually makes me feel really sad.

cheeseandpickle12 · 10/08/2021 21:00

yabu. imagine how scary that would be for her.

scochran · 10/08/2021 21:01

One method I remember was only offering water overnight in case of filling up with milk/ using it to sleep. It might help after a few nights

3WildOnes · 10/08/2021 21:02

You say she is tanking up on night feeds. Have you tried night weaning? All of mine have slept a lot better once night weaned.

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 10/08/2021 21:03

Could do, it’s the energy involved! Is there a method or do you literally just stop offering milk between certain hours?

OP posts:

Potatoy · 10/08/2021 21:04

What time are they last eating food? I found feeding LO some porrige just before the bedtime routine helped loads. But that could have been coincidence.

DueyCheatemAndHow · 10/08/2021 21:04

So I think there is the key...

I don't mean this rudely. But any changes to sleep are going to take consistency and effort. That or you just wait till she gets better at it.

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 10/08/2021 21:06

She is having some solids but tbh barely enough to keep an average gnat alive! I am wondering if the milk overnight is a problem there, too.

OP posts:

Itsbeen84yearss · 10/08/2021 21:06

@Babymeanswashing

She generally wakes for the day at around 7 (half an hour either side there typically I would say.) First nap around 10, generally 1-1.5 hours.

Second nap is usually between 2-2:30. This is usually similar length.

Then I try to get a third nap in between 5 and 6 but sometimes she just won’t and it’s those days when we have an awful night as she gets overtired and stimulated.

That sounds very similar to my baby’s napping before I did an overhaul, cut the naps down and dropped the third one. I also started swaddling again in a muslin blanket, giving her her dummy, and putting her bedtime music on at nap times and bedtimes.

Abouttimemum · 10/08/2021 21:08

It doesn’t have to be leaving them to scream relentlessly or cradle them to sleep until they are teenagers.

There’s a middle ground where you can support them to be comfortable in their own sleep environment while also meeting their needs.

There’s lots of options for this.

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 10/08/2021 21:08

That’s interesting, as the third nap is actually key to a better night at the moment. It does mean she goes to bed late but sleeps better! But sometimes she just won’t do the third nap and then what do you do … it’s tough.

She’s never tolerated being swaddled and she pulls her dummy out. She’s a minx!

OP posts:

Potatoy · 10/08/2021 21:11

Is it possible the white noise isn't the right white noise? I used to play an ocean soundtrack for ages as it seemed to help then all of a sudden LO started to not settle and when I turned it off LO fell asleep almost instantly.

squee123 · 10/08/2021 21:11

I heartily recommend this article

Rosebel · 10/08/2021 21:12

I do CIO with my son (he's 14 months old) as nothing else works. I did CC with my first which worked really well. With my second she never had issues sleeping.. I tried CC with my son and keep to a strict bedtime routine but it just didn't work.
He doesn't cry for hours or anything usually only about 45 minutes maximum.
He's not especially clingy and I honestly don't believe crying for a while is going to affect him long term.
As I said DC2 had no sleeping issues but is autistic, so I don't think sleep training has any affect.

Original poster

Babymeanswashing · 10/08/2021 21:14

I can never aspire to the lofty heights of sarah Ockwell smith - I will never be able to be that perfect! Sorry!

OP posts:

squee123 · 10/08/2021 21:15

Have you tried cosleeping following the Lullaby Trust Safe Sleep? Seven? That's how everyone gets the most sleep here

KittenCamile · 10/08/2021 21:15

Babies are people, if you wouldn’t treat an adult this way or wouldn’t want to be treated this way your self then don’t do it too a tiny baby who has no idea what’s happening.

She will learn when she is developmentally ready. Set her up for a happy and secure life by supporting her and being there for her. You and your partner are all she has.

You could do all this and it might not even work! Plus they have sleep regressions, get ill and a million other things that upset their sleep. How many times are you prepared to do this?

Itsbeen84yearss · 10/08/2021 21:16

I’ve thought that in the past about the third nap but we went on holiday for a week and I just didn’t have time to be messing trying to get her to have the third one. It took a couple of nights but she suddenly was better.
Mine wasn’t keen either on swaddling but she’s so bloody alert and into everything she needs something to calm her down. I found these massive soft muslins in Aldi. They’re kind of like cotton blankets. My dd just loves them. She does wriggle out of the wrap overnight but by that time she’s in the sleep zone lol

Handsoffstrikesagain · 10/08/2021 21:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

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