To try CIO?

[Babymeanswashing]

I know it’s a contentious issue on here, but AIBU to try CIO on a nine month old?

Attitudes are variable. I don’t believe it will have her growing up like a child in a Romanian orphanage but my main worry is that it just won’t work and she’ll end up completely hysterical and still sleeping badly.

I’m eager to avoid her growing up a poor sleeper tbh.

Bear in mind I haven’t done it yet so don’t totally flame me!

There are gentler ways that work. I would consider paying for a local sleep consultant (recommended) before CIO if you are feeling (understandably!) at breaking point! Good luck OP

@1940s

You say ignorant... I say loving kind protective instinctive mother who also happens to have well balanced children who sleep wonderfully after I put the effort in for gentle sleep training.

I will carry that label with pride if that's what you want to call me.

If lazy parents want to reassure themselves with that information that's fine (not to mention there's tonnes of information online advising it's a terrible and damaging practice) then they can go ahead.

Bless your socks, you are unintentional comedy gold

I will add funny to my loving kind resume

@Cuddlemuffin

There are gentler ways that work. I would consider paying for a local sleep consultant (recommended) before CIO if you are feeling (understandably!) at breaking point! Good luck OP

My sister looked into a sleep consultant - they were all charging loads of money to basically come and do controlled crying ...Save the money and do it yourself

@1940s

I will add funny to my loving kind resume

No, no. I’d remove kind from it.

@Monday26July pot kettle black

If lazy parents want to reassure themselves with that information that's fine (not to mention there's tonnes of information online advising it's a terrible and damaging practice) then they can go ahead.

I think the point that @Monday26July was making is that there is no evidence that CIO is damaging... everything out there to say it is is based on misrepresenting studies which are unrelated or which actually conclude there is no harm.

@Sakari

If lazy parents want to reassure themselves with that information that's fine (not to mention there's tonnes of information online advising it's a terrible and damaging practice) then they can go ahead.

I think the point that @Monday26July was making is that there is no evidence that CIO is damaging... everything out there to say it is is based on misrepresenting studies which are unrelated or which actually conclude there is no harm.

Get outta here with your logic and reason! 1940 doesn’t need peer reviewed research. Her gut feeling is evidence enough for her to shame other parents. Oh, and maybe some random blog articles online that reinforce her views.

@1940s my point is that if you actually cared about babies and if you genuinely felt my DD was going to be imminently harmed by me using sleep training on her you’d have tried to help me find alternatives.

You didn’t do that. You came on here saying awful things about me, which don’t help me or my daughter.

So that’s right: you don’t give a shit. You just want to cause distress.

Too many naps during the day is ringing out here....cut down naps and she will be exhausted by 7pm.

How do you cut down the naps? I found LO would just fall asleep when they got too tired.

@Thirtyrock39 I used a sleep consultant, I checked beforehand what methods she used, never once told me to leave her to cry... gave me detailed routine help and a month of unlimited support. Best money I've ever spent.

Ug. Threads on sleep training always go the same way 🙄 Try not to be upset op. It's the nature of a forum I suppose. If you didn't give a shit you wouldn't be here asking. You need to make a decision on what's best for you and your little one, based on your situation, your knowledge, personalities, all sorts of factors that are unique to your family. I for one trust that you'll make the right call.

@1940s

You say ignorant... I say loving kind protective instinctive mother who also happens to have well balanced children who sleep wonderfully after I put the effort in for gentle sleep training.

I will carry that label with pride if that's what you want to call me.

If lazy parents want to reassure themselves with that information that's fine (not to mention there's tonnes of information online advising it's a terrible and damaging practice) then they can go ahead.

Of course gentle methods should be tried first, that's less stressful for everyone, but gentle methods don't work on every baby but every baby needs to sleep. Its not any kinder to allow a baby to suffer sleep deprivation than it is to let them cry so they will sleep. And the main point is, that the evidence shows that crying doesn't cause harm (that information you say that says its a terrible and damaging practice - not accurate and just used to guilt desperate parents), and that's the most important point for the OP right now.

Give Rosey a message on Instagram- best money you’ll spend!

instagram.com/just_chill_mama?utm_medium=copy_link

Hi OP, have you actually tried doing the Ferber (for example) method for long enough? I’m not trying to be goady, I understand you feel attacked on this thread so you’re torn between saying you’ve never left your daughter to cry and also saying you’ve looked into/tried Ferber. I think anything you try, you need to do consistently for a minimum of a week even if it appears not to be working (this applies to CIO too, if you go that route) otherwise there’s just loads of crying and nothing to show for it at the end.

@monday26july whether it causes long term harm or not, leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep is absolutely disgusting. There's a reason it's such an emotive topic and people either hate it or get very defensive as they've done it in desperation and feel guilty because they know its wrong.

This isn't an attack on you OP, I'm very lucky that 2/3 of my kids are good sleepers and the crap one is manageable because I'm a SAHM. I do get how awful sleep deprivation is and I think you probably need some kind of sleep training - maybe get a sleep consultant? But CIO is barbaric as @1940s said. It honestly makes me feel sick imagining any of my kids crying themselves to sleep wishing I'd come

I mean the crap sleeper not the crap child!! None of my kids are crap 🙈

@ShinyGreenElephant I completely agree. It would be the worst thing to experience letting my child cry knowing they were desperate for my comfort and attention. Barbaric

What is the limit on barbaric @1940s?

I just put DC down for a nap left the room and watched on the monitor, he led down for 2 minutes then cried got up walked to the door turned around and climbed back in bed (all still crying) and then popped his dummy in and went to sleep straight away.

He probably wanted my comfort in that 4 minute period, otherwise he wouldn’t have been whining.. no?

If I’d have stayed he would still be awake. I can’t see that this is barbaric even though he cried, probably for me, for 2 whole minutes.

@FTEngineerM I know you weren't talking to me but theres nothing wrong with that at all, I will leave mine to have a few mins grumble to see if they go back off which they usually do. I'm only referring to full on shut the door and leave them to sob, scream, hysterically cry, possibly to the point of being sick or hurting themselves throwing themselves round the crib in distress. Dont go back in til morning. That's cruel and inexcusable imo even if it only takes one night. Other methods such as ferber etc aren't my personal preference but are vastly different and can 100% see why people do it

Nobody can expect their child never to cry for a few minutes.

But to put them in bed at 7pm and not go into the room until 7am and leave them
Screaming for ages knowing their distressed is a terrible terrible thing to do.

The huge huge majority of parents would never ever do that method.

If you do use a sleep consultant I would really recommend either the millpond sleep clinic or Andrea Grace. Andrea Grace has so much experience with infant sleep, she was a HV for years and helped set up an NHS infant sleep clinic. She isn’t at all judgemental and will help find the best method for you and your baby.

But personally I would try night weaning first it is likely to make the most difference.

@1940s

Nobody can expect their child never to cry for a few minutes.

But to put them in bed at 7pm and not go into the room until 7am and leave them
Screaming for ages knowing their distressed is a terrible terrible thing to do.

The huge huge majority of parents would never ever do that method.

Quite a lot of parents have put their child to bed when they’re tired and sat outside the room listening to them cry to make sure they are just crying from the tiredness not anything else, and had them learn to self settle in just a few days. Which has quickly cut down on the amount of overall distress their child feels from lack of sleep and over stimulation.