Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choosing vanilla options, AIBU

167 replies

TulipTuloo · 10/08/2021 19:17

Twice in the last two days I've asked my family (DH, three early teenage children) to choose me a menu option as I was unable to choose for myself (either I was driving/parking or outside holding bags). First instance : ice cream shop with EVERY. FLAVOUR. UNDER. THE. SUN and then some. Lotus, biscoffi, bounty flavour, key lime pie, ferroro rocher, honeycomb, were some of the ones I commented on from the menu I could see. They came out with bog standard chocolate (could have bought chocolate ice cream in the spar shop). Then again this evening, Italian restaurant takeaway. They had various pizzas, some seafood risotto things, guess what? They came home with a tomato and mozzarella dish for me: which was LITERALLY 6 slices of a tomato and four slices of mozzarella. I was obviously dismayed and DH said "yes, yours was the cheapest now I come to think about it", yeah because its clearly a side dish?!? AIBU to be annoyed that they repeatedly choose the most vanilla options possible?! I have no eating disorders or allergies or anything stopping me from trying new things. My personality is reasonably out there, but this is so typical of what they choose for me (don't ask about birthday presents please, because that's even worse).

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 10/08/2021 20:34

Of all the things that might stop me from choosing my own ice cream flavour it wouldn't be being 'outside holding bags'

Maybe I'm just old fashioned... Wink

Mandalay246 · 10/08/2021 20:35

You asked them to choose - then moan about the choices they made? Tell them what you want in future, or else just be grateful for what they do choose.

speakout · 10/08/2021 20:35

If you don't specify you have no grounds for complaint.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/08/2021 20:37

I absolutely HATE when someone does this. It makes me feel so 'responsible' for them being happy with what they end up with.

The least someone can do is to give the person buying 2 or 3 options. But if you don't, then don't complain about what you end up with.

Eilatan2018 · 10/08/2021 20:37

Wow you have real problems if that’s the only thing you have to complain about! Give them some options next time or go yourself!!

Bryonyshcmyony · 10/08/2021 20:38

I don't even let my kids do this 😂

I say I'll only get things for them if they are specific about what they want.

I'm menopausal and can't possibly make decisions for other people

Heronwatcher · 10/08/2021 20:41

Good grief you sound like a petulant child. Either chose for yourself or accept what you are given with good grace. Life isn’t a test for your loved ones.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 10/08/2021 20:43

100% with you Op.

Think people are missing the point. Obviously you could specify what you wanted,
But you didn’t and their choices are so poor as to be embarrassing.

They clearly think you are dull as fuck or they know you’ll just except any old food. It’s rude to not make some attempt to get you something nice.

HalzTangz · 10/08/2021 20:43

Why not tell them what you wat instead of asking them to pick (when you yourself said they always pick boring things for you).
If someone asked me to pick for them, I would also pick something 'safe' off the menu, and that includes family members

MeredithGreyishblue · 10/08/2021 20:44

DH - spaghetti bolognese or bolognese pizza / mint choc chip
DS1 - As above possibly Oreo ice cream
DS2 - margarita pizza / strawberry or vanilla or bubblegum

It's not hard! I know what they like!!!

wednesdayweather · 10/08/2021 20:45

@Italiandreams

I’m not psychic but I still know what flavour ice cream/ pizza/ chocolate/ crisps etc that my family like and could order something for them because I have eaten with them before.
This!
SpeakingFranglais · 10/08/2021 20:47

You sound hard work. You saw all the ice cream and left it to them to choose? Why?

Italian restaurant takeaway, errr check the menu and choose, Why TF would you leave it to someone else and then complaint, clearly they have played safe. I would have said “what do you want” and not indulged you.

Ikeameatballs · 10/08/2021 20:51

You could see at least 5 flavours of ice-cream on the menu, why didn’t you just ask for one of those specifically?

I don’t understand why you couldn’t have requested something for the Italian takeaway either? You presumably know roughly what’s available from an Italian and what you like, or did you not know about the Italian at the time it was ordered? If so I have some sympathy here.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 10/08/2021 20:51

@Lcachu

Wow I wish this was up there in my top life problems right now.
Same. I'm absolutely fucked with my disability. Not sure what I thought this thread would be about. Hate to say it, but I'm just wondering if I'll actually be able to get out of bed tomorrow. Totally get that some folk have first world problems though.
Frodogo · 10/08/2021 20:52

Yes, if you want something special, say what you want! At least give some guidance. Something spicy, something really cheesy, etc.

I'd probably refuse to pick something for someone else, so you're lucky they go you anything at all, tbh.

iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 10/08/2021 20:53

@honeylulu

Come on OP you should have given them some idea.

Ice cream - I fancy something fruity or caramel/toffee.

Italian - I feel like a pasta dish/pizza tonight.

It's like you've done that thing where you make the other person guess and are then annoyed with them for not getting the perfect choice, even though you didn't give a single clue!

Yes, this is what I’d always do too. “ice cream but nothing boring please - something with nuts” or “pizza please - anything with olives”. Also no need to martyr yourself by standing outside with bags if they have form for this.
dryasaboner · 10/08/2021 20:54

I thought this was going to be about something far more interesting....

NoProblem123 · 10/08/2021 20:54

They’re not mind readers.

Give them the bags & get your own !

annacondom · 10/08/2021 20:55

You can't expect people to be psychic. I speak from bitter experience of DH choosing food for me. He bought stuff I never would've bought for myself. DD was with him and told him not to, but he didn't listen to her. Should've chosen my own, as you should have.

20viona · 10/08/2021 20:57

Pick your own food

ZZGirl · 10/08/2021 20:59

They were clearly choosing safe options in case they chose something exciting and then you complain.

pinkyredrose · 10/08/2021 21:00

I one passively aggressively mixed tea and coffee together because a colleague simply refused to tell me whether they wanted a tea or a coffee and simply answered ‘surprise me’ despite knowing I hated it! Needless to say they were surprised

Grin
PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 10/08/2021 21:05

Holding the bags? Was the ice cream shop on a rollercoaster?

Aprilx · 10/08/2021 21:07

I am lost as to why driving or holding bags means you can’t express a rough preference for what pizza (something with pepperoni) and ice cream (fruity not chocolatey) you would like. I think when you decide to be annoying and tell people to pick for you, you forgo all rights to complaining about it.

sloutside · 10/08/2021 21:08

They chose the least offensive thing each time because there was a lower risk that you wouldn't like it.
I really don't understand how you could see the menu for the ice-cream shop but were not able to tell them which one you wanted. You should have told them before they went in if you could see the menu from outside.
I really don't understand this at all. If I was sending family members into an Italian takeaway I'd give them a couple of ideas of what I'd like to eat - eg. a pizza with a meat topping, or a veggie pizza NOT a margarita.
Communicate more.