Choosing vanilla options, AIBU

[TulipTuloo]

Twice in the last two days I've asked my family (DH, three early teenage children) to choose me a menu option as I was unable to choose for myself (either I was driving/parking or outside holding bags). First instance : ice cream shop with EVERY. FLAVOUR. UNDER. THE. SUN and then some. Lotus, biscoffi, bounty flavour, key lime pie, ferroro rocher, honeycomb, were some of the ones I commented on from the menu I could see. They came out with bog standard chocolate (could have bought chocolate ice cream in the spar shop). Then again this evening, Italian restaurant takeaway. They had various pizzas, some seafood risotto things, guess what? They came home with a tomato and mozzarella dish for me: which was LITERALLY 6 slices of a tomato and four slices of mozzarella. I was obviously dismayed and DH said "yes, yours was the cheapest now I come to think about it", yeah because its clearly a side dish?!? AIBU to be annoyed that they repeatedly choose the most vanilla options possible?! I have no eating disorders or allergies or anything stopping me from trying new things. My personality is reasonably out there, but this is so typical of what they choose for me (don't ask about birthday presents please, because that's even worse).

That is very disappointing - just showing a real lack of thought! The chocolate ice cream is more forgivable because most people like chocolate, but the tomato mozzarella dish is really shit - nobody would want that as a main course, it should be obvious!

Like others, in this situation I'll give a couple of ideal options and a fall-back that's guaranteed to be there.

'Honeycomb or raspberry ripple if they've got it, otherwise vanilla'.

I have very vanilla taste and would be annoyed by getting something different or inventive! My husband is adventurous and would have come out of that ice cream shop with the most niche flavour he could find for me. I would be so upset and say I only wanted vanilla or chocolate. We have been where you are, in reverse, so many times.

I can understand where you are coming from it’s the lack of thought and the fact they don’t know you - no one said ooh let’s get Mum bounty she loves those.
Personally I’d specify or make sure I was one in shop from now on.

Why do you think they chose the most safe option? What is your usual reaction when they get it wrong?

Well there's a point. If you're usually all "meh, why did you get me Hesperidean apple flavour with unicorn teardrop sprinkles? The manna+stardust combo sounded nicer" then yabu.

If you're more "Wow Rafflesia nectar and walrus blubber! Thanks, can't wait to try it!!" then yanbu.

The ice cream sounds fine, the tomato thing a bit odd. But why on earth wouldn’t you just specify what you want, or at least some parameters- “any kind of meaty pizza” for example. I absolutely hate people asking me to choose things for them and giving me that responsibility - tell me what you want or at least give some decent guidance. Especially if you don’t want “vanilla” because I’d rather get you something unadventurous that you’d likely at least tolerate than try and guess if you want key lime pie or biscoff ice cream, knowing you might well hate it.

@Dixiechickonhols

I can understand where you are coming from it’s the lack of thought and the fact they don’t know you - no one said ooh let’s get Mum bounty she loves those. Personally I’d specify or make sure I was one in shop from now on.

I agree with this. It’s not about the ice cream, it’s that it shows that they don’t know you at all.

FWIW I cried when my ex brought round McDonald’s breakfast for the kids and didn’t bring one for me . They all sat there at the table scoffing their McMuffins and I went in the other room and blubbed that nobody had considered the person who cooks 95% of their meals and regularly invites XH to stay for dinner.

I would say at least you got an ice cream. But the tomato and cheese thing was unforgivable! I’d have divorced him for that alone.

Just tell them what you want. If someone asked me to choose them a pizza I’d choose plain cheese. Everyone that likes pizza can tolerate plain cheese, it’s safe.

If you want something say ‘pizza with chicken’ or ‘biscoff ice cream.’

So tell them what you want, or tell them to hold the bags while you sort yourself out

Another YABU here.

Why wouldn't you say what you want ?
A list of "something like Biscoff, salted caramel, honeycomb please - nothing we normally have in a tub at home. Oh, and remember I don't like rum and raisin or anything coconutty" type of list.

I can't bear it when people aren't specific about what they want

You aren't a toddler/I'm not your mum - you choose

And you usually have issues with birthday presents bought for you too.. wow, talk about hard work people..

You sound like a bit of a pain tbh OP. It’s like weird game playing for no reason at all.

If you know what you want, just say! If you don’t know exactly give them a ballpark! But don’t ask people to order for you with no steer then whinge because it’s not what you wanted.

yes YABU - next time TELL THEM what you want - be a grown up!

"Choose something for me, but nothing boring!"

@RoastedHazelnutLatte

"Choose something for me, but nothing boring!"

My idea of hell.

I'm totally with you OP. Your children are teenagers so they have known you for some time and your H presumably for 20+ years. They should have some idea of the sort of food you like by now and been able to buy you that. Its not about you ' using your voice' in this one situation: its about them having spent some time getting to know you over the past two decades and being able to put that knowledge to practical purpose.

You are completely reasonable to expect your family to have some idea of who you are and what you like to eat. Its shit that people on here think women shouldn't be able to expect this from their long term partners.

YABU

I hate it when people say "oh just get me anything"

It never ends well.

Does parking or being outside holding bags preclude you saying ‘Call me with options’? Or ‘Get me an ortolana/salted caramel’?

You're looking to argue with them

Why didn't you just say 'oh get me a honeycomb ice cream?' 🙄

I get the frustration. My husband often asks me to choose his as he says I know better than him what he likes sometimes 😂😂 I obviously don’t but I do pay attention to his likes and dislikes and regular choices so am very capable of choosing him something he will like. I have accepted that I will have to give him options when choosing mine though else I will be disappointed.

Tell them what you don’t want (so say firmly don’t get me the plainest). Set them a challenge….’choose me the most exciting or exotic one on the menu’.

Why don't you ask for what you want OP?

If you could see the ice cream menu then just say " I would like the key lime/salted caramel"
It's a pain when someone says " get me anything" or " choose for me", it never works.
Even if you cant see a menu you can always say " something with black olives/ham or pepperoni, but no anchovies type of thing.
You sound hard work.

I have a friend like you

Refused to make choices, but got mad when others did them for her.

I don’t see her much anymore surprisingly