Choosing vanilla options, AIBU

[TulipTuloo]

Twice in the last two days I've asked my family (DH, three early teenage children) to choose me a menu option as I was unable to choose for myself (either I was driving/parking or outside holding bags). First instance : ice cream shop with EVERY. FLAVOUR. UNDER. THE. SUN and then some. Lotus, biscoffi, bounty flavour, key lime pie, ferroro rocher, honeycomb, were some of the ones I commented on from the menu I could see. They came out with bog standard chocolate (could have bought chocolate ice cream in the spar shop). Then again this evening, Italian restaurant takeaway. They had various pizzas, some seafood risotto things, guess what? They came home with a tomato and mozzarella dish for me: which was LITERALLY 6 slices of a tomato and four slices of mozzarella. I was obviously dismayed and DH said "yes, yours was the cheapest now I come to think about it", yeah because its clearly a side dish?!? AIBU to be annoyed that they repeatedly choose the most vanilla options possible?! I have no eating disorders or allergies or anything stopping me from trying new things. My personality is reasonably out there, but this is so typical of what they choose for me (don't ask about birthday presents please, because that's even worse).

.’choose me the most exciting or exotic one on the menu’.

Sounds a recipe for disaster.
A baked bean and chicken tikka pizza comes to mind.

I get you OP. Yes you could have given some suggestion or direction, but they really could have put some effort into their choices for you. They have a complete lack of imagination or appreciation for you. Lesson learned... choose you own food in future and tell them what you want for presents, it's the only way.

@pinkmoon18

But you could of just said what you wanted 😂

🙌🏻

Be specific and choose something simple! My 19 year old is famous for saying, ‘surprise me’ because he’s lazy (not saying You are!). Or when I ask if he wants a treat from the grocery it will be “strawberry mango sorbet” or lime/banana pepper/jalapeño crisps but only this brand, at this store. Oh please! Ask for something I can actually find!

I think the ice cream one was pretty shitty, actually, since you'd mentioned some.

The Italian one? it's a freaking starter or salad. Doesn't your DH even know approximately what you like?

You sound utterly hard work, make it clear what you want.

I have a passion for gooseberries, my DH thought he was treating me and bought me a jar of gooseberry jam, I was horrified . Gooseberries and jam just doesn't work (in my opinion). Just say what you want, I hate it when people ask me to choose for them.

Oooh I have people who do this!!!
I one passively aggressively mixed tea and coffee together because a colleague simply refused to tell me whether they wanted a tea or a coffee and simply answered ‘surprise me’ despite knowing I hated it! Needless to say they were surprised.

I have 2 under 2, a house to run, a pet, baby brain and my own damn choices to make DH gets a hard glare anytime he puts his decisions onto me.
If you were married to me you’d have gotten a scoop of vanilla and a margarita pizza

*hate

@GhostCurry

Think it’s weird that you all got a takeaway and didn’t just share all the dishes. Seems kinda sad like you all sit there guarding your plates

🤨 screw that. If i want a seafood pasta, that's what I want and not some greasy salami pizza.

Argh, my mum is like this - it’s so annoying!!

i was getting a bit worried because I'm one of the few with OP here. So i checked with DH what he would do in these scenarios and I'm happy to report that he would have no problem picking something that i like.

I think it’s about expecting your family to know you well enough or at least be bothered to think about what you might like. It’s being thoughtful. I don’t think it’s necessarily that you are hard work at all. I could walk into most places and order something that someone I know well would like not just the vanilla option so the OP’s family should really be thoughtful enough to spend 30 seconds thinking about what she might like.

You need to specify. Those options your family chose are safe choices based on not enough information from you.

So, for icecream, you could have said "something interesting, not a typical flavour please". For the food you could have said a pizza, and specified veggie/seafood/simple/spicy or similar. That would have taken seconds to say, and given you a better chance of getting something you would appreciate. Your children and DH aren't psychic.

YABU, use your words OP! Also if your annoyed that they chose a simple flavour that you do like, I can’t imagine what you’d be like if they chose something exciting that you happened to not like because how could they possibly think you’d love key lime ice cream and mess up something so simple when they’ve always known you much you like mint choc?! If you are bothered, decide for yourself or give some direction atleast.

If you store you brain in someone else's head and expect them to do your thinking, you get what you get.

With the majority. Just choose what you want.

I'm not choosing for others - pet peeve when someone says "I'll have whatever, you choose". Which inevitably ends with them having a face like a dog chewing a wasp as they didn't fancy whatever I got for them. My go to option now when told to just get whatever, is to say no. Say what you want or get nothing.

On the flip side - not going to ask someone else to choose my ice cream/ dinner. If I don't know what's there I will say can you get me .. then give a couple of options. My family are not mind readers.

Use your words!
I have to tell this to my DC quite often

I can see both sides of this.

If you’d seen some flavours you like, it might have made sense to say “get me the biscoff or something similar” or whatever, but given you’d commented on several exciting flavours them going for plain chocolate does seem to show lack of consideration.

With the Italian meal, did they realise they were just getting you a small caprese salad, or could they have had the idea it was more substantial. Would a (MN approved) “massive salad” be something you might usually select. I agree with other people that you’re better of giving guidance if you don’t want to be disappointed (e.g. some sort of creamy pasta dish or risotto, a meaty pizza) but at the same time, that was a pretty shit choice. It does seem to indicate a lack of care.

You’re being somewhat unreasonable not giving guidance, especially if you were doing it as a sort of test to see if they consider you properly, but I would probably be a bit peeved too in similar circumstances.

I’m not psychic but I still know what flavour ice cream/ pizza/ chocolate/ crisps etc that my family like and could order something for them because I have eaten with them before.

Are you my mum??? 😂
Life is a game of ‘guess what’s in my head’! I’ve-cream conversation would go like this
-get me anything, surprise me!
-gets key lime
-OMG THATS THE ONE I HATE. Now I’ll have an upset stomach/ sulk

Or

-get me anything on the menu!
(Gets paella)
-URGH NOT SEAFOOD! The only thing I possibly didn’t want! I don’t mix prawns with other food

Never wants to pick. Always has a tiny list of what is actually wanted that is never shared with us…

They bought you sliced mozzarella and tomatoes for dinner? LTB.

There's no reason why as an adult you're not able to choose yourself whether you are present or not... most menus can be found online.

These responses are bizarre. Surely people who are saying they would also pick the safe choice for OP are basing that on the fact that she’s a total stranger when safe and generic is the best way forward. But this is her husband! Who should have some idea what kind of stuff she likes. If my husband asked me to get him something I wouldn’t pick a generic safe option, I’d pick flavours I know he likes because I live with him and I know him!!

YABU. Look at the menu then use your words to tell them what you want, with a back-up in case you first choice isn’t available.

@Hiphopopotamus I completely agree! I don’t understand how you can live with someone but I’ve no idea what I’ve cream they like! It may not be the perfect choice but it would be better than a generic one!