Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
GullyGull · 10/08/2021 17:41

Playing devils advocate maybe they are from that generation that is really cautious around baby celebrations until the baby has arrived safe and well. There maybe past history that has shaped their view that you are not aware of? (miscarriage, still birth complications).

They should be kind though and let it drop. Its clearly hurt you Flowers

GreenPixieHat · 10/08/2021 17:41

Honestly, the way your worded your OP makes you appear to be incredibly self indulgent.

I'm guessing your family probably figures, "We've been having babies for decades and no one ever needed a party to 'prepare' for their arrival or ask questions". Which is probably why they laughed.

Luannee · 10/08/2021 17:41

It’s not like you asked them all to dance naked at midnight and recite weird Druidic blessings

I'd be totally up for this instead.

gwenneh · 10/08/2021 17:42

@Luannee

It’s not like you asked them all to dance naked at midnight and recite weird Druidic blessings

I'd be totally up for this instead.

10/10, would probably attend.
thefamous5 · 10/08/2021 17:43

I think it's both bonkers and sweet.

I don't love gender reveal and baby showers and that sort of thing - I feel like it's a little bit tempting fate and cheesy (I hate hen parties too because of the cheese factor!) but I don't look down my nose at anyone that has them.

The whole idea of preparing others for it and having a party to do so is bonkers and OTT and I think you know that. However, I think your intentions were lovely - I'm trying to not sound patronising but I remember being pregnant (and not just with my first, but all four of my babies) and wanted to celebrate every last moment. I probably had my friends and family rolling their eyes at me, even with my fourth, but I was excited - who wouldn't be?!

I think your family taking the piss is unkind and unnecessary - they either could have said 'no, we can't come' or come and kindly rolled their eyes in private. Especially now after Covid - I think it's important to try and celebrate those little things as much as possible now!

I don't know what you could do now because it sounds like the idea has gone to complete pot, but I love the idea of ditching the baby thing and just reframing it as a nice family get together before the summer ends and you're preoccupied with baby.

I hope you get to have some sort of lovely get together and good luck with baby!

ImprobablePuffin · 10/08/2021 17:43

In the nicest way I do think you should have just said let's have a family get together. I've never heard of holding a Q&A for other members of the family.

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 10/08/2021 17:44

I think that’s a lovely idea. I mean from the sounds of it this is your nieces and nephews, not the kids of your third cousin who lives in Malham who you haven’t seen since 1993!

People have baby showers all the time, this really is a child friendly baby shower. I’m disappointed for you OP, that sounded like a very thoughtful and nice thing to do.

randomlyLostInWales · 10/08/2021 17:44

I can see why people think it odd - and there may well be some old style not before baby arrives safely thinking going on - but I do think they could have been nicer - clearly your excited and want to share that with your family and see them all.

If they're not dropping the whole idea and just coming to a big get together may be rescheduled.

I have to say post baby - there were suggests I should organise a big party - last thing I wanted to do. Mind you in pg I'd wanted to do a few last trips and evenings out and everyone told me I was being silly as they'd still happen after baby - not so as it turned out at least not with me.

But yes I do think they could be nicer - think your bonkers fine but in a quieter more resepctful way.

Howshouldibehave · 10/08/2021 17:44

Why don’t the children in your family know you are pregnant, though-do you never see them or their parents?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/08/2021 17:45

It's a bit OTT. I get it you are using baby as an excuse for a get together but do you need an excuse? Just have a summer family gathering, it doesnt need to be out your baby.

Also you might find many older people especially would not do any celebrating until baby is actually here. With good reason.

thefamous5 · 10/08/2021 17:45

And fwiw, if anyone in my family did this, we would be there making the cards and my kids would think it's lovely, and certainly not overthink the fact they didn't have one for them. They would just be excited for their new cousin!

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2021 17:45

A family get together before the baby because it's nice to see family would be lovely. People would talk about the impending arrival and it would be good fun for everyone. No need for all the props.

Yes, probably not.

But in the meantime let's give the OP a good old kicking.

Tessabelle1 · 10/08/2021 17:46

I think it sounds like a lovely idea! Definitely mean for people to laugh!

tara66 · 10/08/2021 17:47

Not read many PP but why do the kids in your family need to do all this for a baby not yet born? They will probably only have fleeting interest in it anyway until it's about 4 or 5 or even older - depending on their own ages. I have never heard of children making greetings cards for unborn babies. Take on another project - like decorate baby's room etc..

iloveeverykindofcat · 10/08/2021 17:48

They were a bit harsh but it seems a bit OTT to think the other children need to be 'prepared' (over and above maybe their parents mentioning it).

Apparently when I was born my brother had gotten his wires crossed and thought he was getting a babysitter as opposed to a 'baby sister'. He coped!

brokenbiscuitsx · 10/08/2021 17:48

People saying it’s weird but that’s what baby showers are.

Tbh I always thought a baby shower was weird before the baby was born but it’s a fine thing, maybe just call it that like others have said Smile

SweetPetrichor · 10/08/2021 17:48

I’m sure this seems like a great idea, and if it was siblings of a soon-to-be baby, then I could see it, but honestly, other children couldn’t care less about a potential new baby!

Ozanj · 10/08/2021 17:50

If you want a baby shower then just call it that. Don’t dress it up as a ‘favour’ to your DNs because that part is insane. They won’t care about the baby until it’s old enough for them to hold / play with.

gingerbiscuits · 10/08/2021 17:50

I totally understand your 1st baby excitement & wanting a nice family party before you're sleep deprived & snowed under with feeding & changing etc but why not just say that? And do JUST that.

(Or actually say you're having a baby shower? Although I think other people are supposed to organise those FOR you? I personally think they're a bit 'meh' & never know if you're supposed to take ANOTHER gift after the baby is born when you go to see it for the 1st time. It's a bit 'grabby' for me but each to their own.)

You've gone way OTT with making this proposed garden party all about welcoming your baby. Why do OTHER people's children need preparing for YOUR baby? Making/sending cards is usually something people do once the baby has arrived and why would these kids want a photo album all about YOUR baby? It's all just a bit much.

FayeFayeFayeFayeFaye · 10/08/2021 17:51

Surely the other children are used to babies arriving being as there are already other children.

I don’t remember needing to be prepared for my cousins arriving.

Rockbird · 10/08/2021 17:52

Some really shitty replies here, supportive Mumsnet my arse. So what if it's unusual, so what if it's not the done thing in your culture? OP wants to have a gathering with the kids and give it a theme, how dare she.

When you've seen that the first 50 posters on a thread have been arseholes, why do people feel the need to be arseholes too? I'm sure the OP got the message Hmm

AppleJane · 10/08/2021 17:53

God Alive you'd think you'd suggested rounding up the nephews and nieces, beating them around for a bit, before locking them in the shed! Not paddling pool, crafts and fizzy pop.

😂 I guess the haters on here just don't love their own family enough to want to make them happy unless it conforms to their ideals. What a load of control freaks.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/08/2021 17:53

Tbh I don’t think the other kids really need preparing. They probably also won’t sit nicely and make cards if they are young enough to require any kind of explanation.

However, you’re right. They didn’t need to be mean about it. They could have declined in a polite way.

I do think it would have been sensible just to invite each person rather than expecting granny to “spread the word”. I also think “we’re having a little party before the baby gets here and we can’t for a while” is an easier explanation.

randomlyLostInWales · 10/08/2021 17:54

People saying it’s weird but that’s what baby showers are

Baby showers aren't really something I grew up with or had - so I do find them a bit odd but I'd totally pop along with a present and a smile if invited to one.

Mind you dance naked at midnight and recite weird Druidic blessings event sounds like fun, I'd love to do wassailing once and if they do manage to get a tradaition of flaming torch march going here - it's happened once and then covid - I'd be going if only once.

CaMePlaitPas · 10/08/2021 17:55

This is completely bananas OP and I've enjoyed the thread and had a good laugh at some of the responses. Enjoy your party.