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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
gwenneh · 10/08/2021 17:56

People saying it’s weird but that’s what baby showers are

The key difference is that you don't throw or host your own baby shower for yourself, which is what the OP is doing.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 10/08/2021 17:57

@brokenbiscuitsx

People saying it’s weird but that’s what baby showers are.

Tbh I always thought a baby shower was weird before the baby was born but it’s a fine thing, maybe just call it that like others have said Smile

Do children attend baby showers? Aren't the attendees the females who are family or friends of the mum-to-be?
CakeandGo · 10/08/2021 17:57

I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc
This is where you lost me too I’m afraid OP.

My sibling did something similar, except theirs was to tell everyone all about their TTC journey. The only problem was, we already knew every detail because they told us every single time we saw them.

It didn’t get much better once the child was born tbh. I wouldn’t have minded if we had all done that but nope only them. All eyes must always be only on them.

Sigh.

MumofSpud · 10/08/2021 17:57

What questions would they have?
I can only think they would ask?

  1. When will it arrive?
  2. How did it get in your tummy?
Grin
Plumtree391 · 10/08/2021 17:57

@LilBristow

I’ve already tried to drop the baby connection but they won’t let it drop now. I’ve actually said I’ve had a rethink on the cards etc but everytime I mention the “garden party” on Friday they keep asking why I’m having a party for baby, even though I’ve said I’m not now, it’s just a garden party for summer and so I can get some nice photos!
In that case I'd just let it drop. Try to forget it.

I'm sure you mean well but it does seem a bit odd.

lemonyfox · 10/08/2021 17:59

Sounds like it's a way for you to take lots of staged photos of your bump, IMO. Nothing wrong with that but it is quite self indulgent to involve other people under the disguise of a garden party, sorry!

georgarina · 10/08/2021 17:59

I think it's a cute idea?

Don't get why everyone is saying it's 'strange' or 'bizarre.'

Why not have a welcome baby garden party? Unless they're just asking why you're doing it before the baby's born.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 10/08/2021 17:59

@Luannee

It’s not like you asked them all to dance naked at midnight and recite weird Druidic blessings

I'd be totally up for this instead.

Imagine the photos...
speakout · 10/08/2021 18:00

I would cancel OP.

It;s all too strange.

Hekatestorch · 10/08/2021 18:00

people keep saying g about how it will be exciting for children related to OP. But OP doesn't even know if the kids know she is pregnant or if they know the baby is coming soon. How can they be excited? And how exactly are they all very close?

The problem here, I think, is that whole a family party is a good idea. OP came across as though it was something that she was doing for the kids and family but is just something she is doing for her....but she wants the kids are props.

And yes, some families love this sort of stuff. Some don't. Ops relatives obviously don't.

thelionqwueen · 10/08/2021 18:01

What would it say on the banners?

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2021 18:01

The key difference is that you don't throw or host your own baby shower for yourself, which is what the OP is doing.

Emergency. someone call the hosting police!!!

Do children attend baby showers? Aren't the attendees the females who are family or friends of the mum-to-be?

Quick!!!We need back up. Rules being broken!!!

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 18:01

@AllTheSingleLadiess

At a push I think that the only questions that you might be asked is the name of the baby and if it's a unisex name then whether it's a boy or girl. Enjoy the family party (which is a fab idea) but don't do the whole teddy, craft and photo thing. If you're lucky you might receive some crafts after baby is born from the kids who enjoy that sort of thing but the padding pool and water guns will probably appeal more on the day.
Those are the questions I wanted them to ask as I was hoping it could double up as a sex/name reveal thing but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it
OP posts:
TheGenealogist · 10/08/2021 18:02

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon
Why do the kids need to be prepared? If they're anything like 99.99% of kids, their parent will say "Bristow has had a baby, she's calling it Gerald" and the kid will say "OK" and go back to watching Octonauts.
LJAKS · 10/08/2021 18:03

Im maybe definitely in the minority but I don't like any baby things before the baby is here and safe. I didn't feel like that while pregnant with my DC until I was full term and they discovered she had a life threatening condition and 50/50 chance of surviving birth. I get that this is rare but complications are always unexpected and I think if you make a big fuss before the birth to a load of kids then something was to go wrong, how on earth do you "prepare" them then.

Have a welcome baby party when the baby is actually there to be welcomed.

Hekatestorch · 10/08/2021 18:03

Those are the questions I wanted them to ask as I was hoping it could double up as a sex/name reveal thing but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it

Did you know your family wouldn't be up for a 'sex reveal, name reveal' party? And tried to do it be stealth?

Because the more you say the more it seems this was just you wanting a party for your pregnancy, but didn't want to say that so made up about how it was for everyone else. With games focused on your baby/pregnancy.

Might have just been easier to say what you actually wanted.

Anordinarymum · 10/08/2021 18:04

Sorry OP but you come across as having a God complex over this matter.
It might be your first baby, I get that, but for the rest of your family it's not as important as you would like it to be

Thefaceofboe · 10/08/2021 18:05

A party to get questions about your baby and get children ‘prepared’ = grim

The last gathering before baby is born to see all family etc and have a nice day = fine

stairgates · 10/08/2021 18:05

Its a lovely idea to want to spend a day with all the family children, its a shame your family have made it a little awkward.

ivykaty44 · 10/08/2021 18:05

I would think your grandma thinks its tempting fate

AppleJane · 10/08/2021 18:06

@Anordinarymum I read your mean post in a whiny "we didn't get a party, stop breaking the rules" voice.

DeadGood · 10/08/2021 18:09

YANBU OP, and your family are an embarrassment.

I agree that maybe the ‘branding’ if the event might have confused people but Jesus Christ. What a bunch of score keeping miseries.

This sort of thing hurts OP, try to keep your spirits up and enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy x

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/08/2021 18:09

I'm not sure why you think the other children need preparing for you baby. It's a baby, much loved and wanted by you, but its not the messiah. I would have found this very odd.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2021 18:09

Because the more you say the more it seems this was just you wanting a party for your pregnancy, but didn't want to say that so made up about how it was for everyone else. With games focused on your baby/pregnancy.

Jesus @Hekatestorch You're lovely aren't you.

CarlottaValdez · 10/08/2021 18:09

What questions would they have?

My DS asked his aunt how the baby would get out. While she was giving this some thought he followed up with “is it out your BAJINA?”.

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