Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
Hadenough2021 · 11/08/2021 20:47

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.
You are absolutely not being unreasonable. My DC has been an only child in the entire family for 8 years and I no one of 4 all with three months of each other. Something like this for her would’ve been brilliant! If the others aren’t interested fuck them. Your heart was in the right place.
HMBB · 11/08/2021 20:58

If I were you I would just forget about it now and do something nice for yourself like a pedicure or lunch out instead.

It sounded a bit odd to them (they could have been nicer though) and they will never think of it as anything other than how you first framed it.

Hope you are not too upset and congratulations on your impending arrival.

Americano75 · 11/08/2021 21:06

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.
Even without this piece of information I was on your side. Why do people have to be such dicks? Enjoy your party and take lots of photos.
summercupcake · 11/08/2021 21:08

I think you should be made a fuss of, but you can't make people feel enthusiastic and made a fuss of you unfortunately. The kindest thing you can do for yourself right now is lower your expectations, other people just won't wheel as excited about your baby as you will, and some might even be quite shit.

Find ways to nurture yourself, throw yourself into recording the memories that you can share with your children as they get older, they will appreciate the excitement you feel. Thanks

Hertsgirl10 · 11/08/2021 21:12

You sound lovely, people are always suspicious of nice people.

Seems like a nice idea to get family together but it’s a shame that your family don’t understand that.

JonSnowIsALoser · 11/08/2021 21:22

YANBU of course - the last time you'll be able to enjoy any party for a very long time is BEFORE the baby is born, so make the most of it! You'll be to exhausted afterwards.

GingerScallop · 11/08/2021 21:26

OP, we could have a Mumsnet virtual party for you. Not the same but I would attend. And celebrate with you!

Sudoku88 · 11/08/2021 21:47

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon
I think you’re really over thinking it. People are busy and these kids really don’t need preparation for another baby joining the family. In reality they probably don’t care and are not particularly interested. Kids just take these things into their stride. It’s no big deal.

However it’s nice of you to organise a party as a family get together, but all these previous suggesting of making books to remember the day etc etc really does sound rather OTT.

Don’t get upset about their response. It’s not worth it

Greenmarmalade · 11/08/2021 21:49
  • GingerScallop

OP, we could have a Mumsnet virtual party for you. Not the same but I would attend. And celebrate with you!*

Cake do it!

OaxacaChihuahua · 11/08/2021 21:55

@LoislovesStewie

OaxacaChihuahua; I had several miscarriages before I produced a live baby. I'm not going to go into detail, but while having a difficult pregnancy, I didn't want to give daily bulletins to the family member I mentioned previously. I had no tact and diplomacy from them! And is one reason I don't play happy families with them. Not only that, but I just wanted to hide away and not be constantly reminded that I could still not have a baby at the end of the pregnancy. So, no I don't think I would have wanted to attend a pre-birth party, but nonetheless I would wish her well. I understand that is just my experience, but it does make me behave differently.
I’m so sorry for your losses.

That’s a totally valid decision for you to make for yourself - I would totally support you in that if I were your family member, without question.

I think that’s very different to a situation where a pregnant woman has made a decision for herself that she wants some form of celebration of her pregnancy or expected baby, and a person pushes back by telling her that something bad could still happen to the baby. I find that so unbelievably tactless and insensitive.

It happened to me with my pregnancy. As it happened I didn’t have any parties / meet ups etc while pregnant and it was all very low key (mostly because it was during lockdown) and I still had a relative make a point of contacting me to tell me she wasn’t getting a gift until the baby was here ‘just in case’. It was so awful to hear someone verbalise my greatest fear, that my baby could still die. It’s not something any person should do to another, in my opinion.

IsThePopeCatholic · 11/08/2021 21:58

Sounds OTT. Are you feeling a little neglected maybe?

savethatkitty01 · 11/08/2021 22:04

Um, the kids don't care. It's up to the parents to explain any questions they may have about crazy aunts baby 😬

Viviennemary · 11/08/2021 22:20

Its a bit precious and attention seeking. Why not wait till the baby is here.

Justme10 · 11/08/2021 22:21

@savethatkitty01

Um, the kids don't care. It's up to the parents to explain any questions they may have about crazy aunts baby 😬
So the OPs crazy now? For wanting to have a get together with her family? Hmm

This thread just gets worse and worse.

Kanaloa · 11/08/2021 22:24

Why is she crazy? For having a party. Honestly - and there’s people insisting this ‘isn’t a pile on.’ It absolutely is.

Better not bother having a birthday party ever again, as if you’re not allowed a party for having a baby (something I’ve done only four times) it would certainly be disgustingly ‘precious and attention seeking’ to have a celebration of something that happens every year.

Justme10 · 11/08/2021 22:31

@Kanaloa

Why is she crazy? For having a party. Honestly - and there’s people insisting this ‘isn’t a pile on.’ It absolutely is.

Better not bother having a birthday party ever again, as if you’re not allowed a party for having a baby (something I’ve done only four times) it would certainly be disgustingly ‘precious and attention seeking’ to have a celebration of something that happens every year.

A birthday party is just OTT, I'm hoping these posters aren't so 'self absorbed' to even expect anyone to remember their birthday because apart from them nobody else even cares, they aren't the first person to have a birthday.
Etinox · 11/08/2021 22:32

@IsThePopeCatholic

Sounds OTT. Are you feeling a little neglected maybe?
Well yes, obviously. Going it alone and uninterested sneery family. She’s explicitly said so. Flowers @LilBristow I hope you get to have a party on Friday and everything goes smoothly.
Leontine · 11/08/2021 22:47

Baby showers etc aren’t to my taste but your family are being really mean about it. I can’t believe your mum told you about your Aunty laughing. How unkind.

Flowers
Frazzledmummy123 · 11/08/2021 23:00

Seriously, I can't believe this thread is still getting nasty replies. Appalling behaviour by some mumsnetters.

Bangolads · 11/08/2021 23:10

I think you’re intentions were good, but if noone else in the family did this then it does seem a tad precious. Plus I’ve never heard of anyone doing this, hey maybe it would be a great idea but if it’s a new thing people will probably struggle especially if it wasn’t done for them. Also I’m sure the other parents are quite capable of answering any questions their kids have, it might feel a little patronising for them to feel they need you to answer the questions 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bangolads · 11/08/2021 23:12

What @LilBristow said

Bangolads · 11/08/2021 23:15

I just saw you’re having this baby alone, I understand a bit more why you wanted it. Are you part of a single mother’s by choice group? Like minded people might help. I think your family don’t really understand. Good luck with your exciting arrival 💕

Localocal · 11/08/2021 23:17

i'm as eccentric, sentimental and broody as they come. And even I think this is too much. Kids don't need to be prepared for the birth of a cousin. Even if they are interested they will have exactly two questions - when is it coming and will it be a boy or a girl. After that it will be "let me know when it's here." They don't need a party for that, and enlisting them to fake welcoming a baby that isn't here for the sake of putting photos in an album for the baby for later does seem a bit new-mum-zilla. Your nieces and nephews are not your photo-props.

It sounds to me like your mum did try to break it to you gently that this was a peculiar idea and not going down well.

I would let this one go.

MakeMathsFun · 11/08/2021 23:36

Ignore the negativity of many writers here. Its your baby and you can do whatever you like. Its sounds like a fun idea. Its not bizarre, because many people do it before the baby is born. I went to a baby naming party where everyone had to guess the gender in advance. I though it a bit weird, but that's not for me to judge. In the end is was really just a beautiful party. You have proposed a fun educational event for the other kids. Be proud. Do your party. And I hope you enjoy it to the max!

KrystalKendal · 11/08/2021 23:41

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon
Is it though? Why would other kids have questions about your baby, you & your partner are the ones that need to be prepared. I get you're excited but getting other kids to make welcome cards is a little self involved.

Have a party when the baby arrives so people can meet the new born.