To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

‘You have a lot to learn about children’. WOW. What is wrong with people? Don’t listen OP!!! Do your thing and no YANBU

I'm afraid to tell you noone else really cares

You don't care when new children come into your family? And no-one in your family cared when you were pregnant? That's a real shame. In many families a new life is a cause for celebration. I hope your family is able to appreciate that one day.

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

Ahh hun! I'm also having a baby alone soon too, something you realise quickly is that no one cares about it nearly as much as you! Just get some close friends together for a bbq and have a nice chit chat about it and other things too!

@wellstopdoingitthen

I can't believe how nasty some people are being about this. 😯 including family members.

OP wanted a get together for younger members of the family before the baby is born. She has removed the elements that family had an issue with but they are still being cruel.

Their loss OP spend your time & money on a nice pampering day for yourself.

Totally agree. Given the last 18 months, I would have happily attended a pregnancy farts party. And Op's ideas seem so thoughtful towards the other kids. What does it matter if other babies in the family didn't have the same. They will never ever have the same everything. Am so sorry OP. I loved your idea. Their loss

@lilbristow hope you have a lovely celebration and congratulations! To everyone else on this thread who has replied with snarky comments, imagine being pregnant in a pandemic with no partner to support and get excited with you. Baby showers are VERY standard from my place of origin - certainly nothing to laugh at?! @lilbristow your family are assumedly aware that you're doing this solo: what a missed opportunity of them to not get excited and WANT to do something for/with you. Hope you have a great time and personally I hope you crack out the baby shower bunting, cake, sash, the whole kit and caboodle . In the UK there is a certain level of superstition about celebrating baby before its here (to maybe explain your grandmother's confusion), but hopefully that doesn't dampen your excitement xx

[quote ZebedeeZebedee]@CirqueDeMorgue your opinion means fuck all to me you silly cow [/quote]
Sure it doesn't 🤣🤣

I think, had you just called it a get together before you're too busy with the baby etc, it would have gone down well. To me, it sounds like you're organising some sort of baby shower for yourself and perhaps that's what your family have thought. I mean, you’ve said it's for other kids to ask questions about baby... there's clearly a lot of kids already so not sure why they'd have questions suddenly. The activities is also a bit self centred (that sounds worse than I mean it, I apologise I'm just struggling to verbalise ).

Personally, I don't like baby showers anyway as I feel they're a reason to have gifts pre-baby, on top of post-delivery. I would be more inclined to go to one if someone other than the expectant mum had organised it. When they organise it themselves, I cringe. This is obviously just a personal thing and the only reason I mention it is because perhaps it's the same reason they've reacted the way they have.

Good luck with your baby xx

It’s different, not odd I would say. Sounds like a refreshing way for families to have a day together in anticipation of the new arrival. I would come!! Wishing you all the best xx

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

I'm late to this thread. But that would be the perfect thing to say to your family, to explain why you wanted this time together.

I bet if you had said baby shower in the beginning, it wouldn’t have been met with such confusion, but I do think your family was being pretty insensitive. In all it sounds like a lovely thing to do with family.

@LilBristow I think it's a sweet idea personally - baby showers are standard in the US (I know it's not done here) but it's a lovely thing and I'm sorry you've had your feelings hurt and it does sound as though you were just trying to share the excitement. Shame on them really.

Kids have no interest in baby’s not even born… I think you are being a bit of a prima donna

@COPPER3

Gosh how do I say this with kindness..I know I am old fashioned, but after having my first child in the SCBU for 5 months and known several ladies who have had a still-birth, l feel celebrating a baby, before they are even born, is something I am very wary of. With your Mum/GM on this one. Just enjoy your gorgeous pregnancy and properly celebrate when your baby has arrived safe and sound. Good luck dear!

Another from the ‘but have you given enough thought to the fact that your baby could still get ill or die?’ brigade.

When did tact and sensitivity fall so drastically by the wayside?

@ZebedeeZebedee

I'd laugh too. Wtaf.. and why would any of the kids have any questions...I don't suppose they care. This is your special time, I'm afraid to tell you noone else really cares

Gosh, that’s so sad.

In my family - and I think, actually, most families - a new baby is a joyous thing and people are happy and excited about it. Your family sounds really cold and dysfunctional, and it must have been hard growing up in it

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

@LilBristow for what it’s worth it was a lovely idea. All the best on embarking this wonderful journey. Where are you based ? If some where local could pop around to help and cheer you up !! Good luck.

I hope they don't expect you to throw a party for them all after your baby is born

What an odd concept. Who expects that.

And why do some folks call this a baby shower, it’s not really a baby shower. This is for the kids, she clearly articulated what she was planning in the op.

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

Ah, I understand. You want to feel your baby is as welcome as the 'couple babies' in your family. I am sure it will be.

Have your family gathering, it will be lovely!

OaxacaChihuahua; I had several miscarriages before I produced a live baby. I'm not going to go into detail, but while having a difficult pregnancy, I didn't want to give daily bulletins to the family member I mentioned previously. I had no tact and diplomacy from them! And is one reason I don't play happy families with them. Not only that, but I just wanted to hide away and not be constantly reminded that I could still not have a baby at the end of the pregnancy. So, no I don't think I would have wanted to attend a pre-birth party, but nonetheless I would wish her well. I understand that is just my experience, but it does make me behave differently.

K so, I remember when my nana was alive and my cousin had a baby. My nana refused to buy anything for the baby before she was born because she felt it was bad luck. I think it could be an old fashioned thing? Perhaps in her days births were trickier and she doesn’t want to jinx anything? X

I'd laugh too. Wtaf.. and why would any of the kids have any questions...I don't suppose they care.
This is your special time, I'm afraid to tell you noone else really cares

god alive.

What planet misery do YOU live on?

@ZebedeeZebedee

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

This went to my heart. I hope you're able to make the calls and say exactly this to your family. It's certainly much more authentic-feeling than any of the surface reasons.

Hi op I hope you have a lovely time. I think it’s a very sweet idea to gather those you love around you, before embarking into parenthood.
Enjoy your party 🎈