To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

@CirqueDeMorgue Agreed! Total gaslighting.
Poor woman. Literally feel like coming off here and I only signed up recently

Oh Op, this is a really lovely idea but you definitely should have just called it a baby shower and said no gifts please (unless it’s money) and kept the details to a minimum.

Expecting any kid to be as interested in the baby to make it a card or ask questions is a bit OTT - sorry but it’s not as much of a big deal to kids as it is for you.

Other grown up family members could make more effort though. So what if it’s not been done before, it’s your first time so they should help you celebrate the moment if that’s your wish.

Hope it goes ahead and you have a lovely time Op, making memories for your baby (no need to mention that to your family though) :)

YANBU I think every generation has their own way of doing things. I named my DD before she was born and had a whole wardrobe waiting for her. Older relatives were terrified that this was a) tempting fate and/or b) going to spoil it for me. I also had an older friend who howled with laughter when I showed her my recipe book for baby purees - 'just mash a bloody banana with a fork!" I was crushed. It sounds like you might be having babies later than others in your family which is why they're mostly over it. Sod em! Make your own little book, writing down all the things you hope for for your little one. If your family don't want a party, don't push it. They will all be begging to hold him for pics when he arrives - don't let anyone spoil how exciting this is for you. x

Odd idea but your choice. I've never heard of expecting other child relations to ask questions about an unborn baby. That's weird. If their parents want to tell them about the birds and the bees it's not your job. What in earth could they ask?
IMO that part of the 'party' is ridiculous.
You could make it just a nice afternoon picnic type thing with no mention of baby. You could say that you'll be a bit busy following the birth and want to enjoy a bit of family time with your relations beforehand.
Gosh, I went into hospital on my own and 24 hours later was back home looking after new babe plus our other 4 children as DH worked offshore.

@Iwantcauliflowercheese

Their generation will not understand at all. Two out of three of my babies were pre scans. I had no idea if my babies would survive or whether they had life changing disabilities.it was unlucky to buy anything before baby was born.

I totally understand. That said, anybody else's views/feelings, aren't necessarily shared by all women. It's for each woman to decide for herself if it's unlucky to buy anything before her baby was born and whatever anybody thinks of it, hammering a woman for doing something different isn't on. Too many posters have done that.

The other children would only be interested in the pool, water guns and food. You are way off beam if you think children will come with a list if questions. Are you in this country? Why should children be 'prepared' as it's not their brother. . You have a lot to learn about children.

@LoisLane66

Congratulations on giving birth alone then going back to caring for your ’new babe’ plus four other children while your husband worked offshore. Did you trek to the hospital uphill both ways in the snow as well?

People have already covered the questions. OP relied and said as she’s having this baby on her own she basically just wanted a bit of attention/was being a bit self indulgent. I’m sure you understand why she might have missed the mark a bit in planning a family event.

preparing children for a new baby doesn't generally involve a party? also I think some of these ideas seem a bit american pie ideal family and some people get quite put off by it, I am a bit that way to be honest I would find it a bit odd to have a baby party and I would suggest enjoying your pregnancy and not worry about parties!
Also it may be that your relatives don't want to pre-empt anything? some people are superstitious that way but I can't say whether this is the case or not

I don’t think it’s strange at all, a new baby is a big deal and it’s nice to try and get the cousins excited about the baby as they’ll be their play mates. Unfortunately people can get their back up about anything that isn’t traditional and completely overlook the sentiment behind an idea

Perhaps you are also like one of my family;forever (well, not while we are in a pandemic!) organizing get-togethers. My organizing relative really wants to play happy families, and it doesn't work. I find such things tedious in the extreme, having to go out on my day off and have conversations with others and being interested in all of their goings-on, when I really want to be slobbing around the house, after a rough week. It's just not my thing; which is why we now live miles away so that MrLois and I can say 'sorry' and give a feeble excuse for our non-attendance. MrLois has his own reasons for not attending, BTW. Your relatives could well be like me, not unkind but just knackered and craving solitude.
I'm sorry that you are so disappointed, but soon you will have your LO and there won't be enough hours in the day to worry about this.

@LoisLane66

Odd idea but your choice. I've never heard of expecting other child relations to ask questions about an unborn baby. That's weird. If their parents want to tell them about the birds and the bees it's not your job. What in earth could they ask? IMO that part of the 'party' is ridiculous. You could make it just a nice afternoon picnic type thing with no mention of baby. You could say that you'll be a bit busy following the birth and want to enjoy a bit of family time with your relations beforehand. Gosh, I went into hospital on my own and 24 hours later was back home looking after new babe plus our other 4 children as DH worked offshore.

So?

It’s a lovely idea.

I'd laugh too. Wtaf.. and why would any of the kids have any questions...I don't suppose they care.
This is your special time, I'm afraid to tell you noone else really cares

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

I'm sorry to hear that OP - I think you went about it the wrong way. The sad truth is the other children will have no interest in a baby that isn't born yet. Depending on their age, they won't have much interest when the baby is born either.

presumably your mum is excited? If you had just held a family garden party then I think that would have been enough - the adults could have got excited, quizzed you about names and sex and the kids could just have run about doing their thing.

Your grandma sounds a killjoy I think. Maybe don't invite her.

You are more than entitled to want to celebrate this in whatever way you feel is ok. Your family could have understood this would not be a party for the baby but to celebrate the joy you are feeling. Honestly, if the family cannot match your joy and understand that, find a way to celebrate yourself and try not to let it dampen your joy.

@ZebedeeZebedee

I'd laugh too. Wtaf.. and why would any of the kids have any questions...I don't suppose they care. This is your special time, I'm afraid to tell you noone else really cares

I'm afraid to tell you you're a twat.

Why do people take such glee in telling expectant mothers ‘nobody really cares?’ In my experience (perhaps just my lovely in laws) people do care. My mil & fil were excited to know everything about my pregnancies and dying to meet the baby. It was a special time for them too.

MIL arranged to go shopping for baby clothes, FIL wanted to help build the cot, they were on the phone after every scan. When sil had her babies I was equally excited and involved, spent ages picking the best of my dd’s special clothes to pass down to her baby and was excited to attend the baby shower.

If you really don’t care about special events in your families lives then you might as well not bother having a family. Or just politely decline all invitations.

@Kanaloa I quite agree. Probably the same people who post boring crap on Facebook that no one actually does care about.

@CirqueDeMorgue

Honestly I can’t imagine a loved one inviting me to a baby shower and spitefully thinking ‘nobody cares you’re having a baby.’ If life was like that why would we bother having families and friends? It would be better just to live alone if you don’t care about anyone else’s life events and achievements!

Please don’t let other people’s unkind comments upset you. I can understand why you would want to share your excitement at the impending birth of your first child - it will be a momentous occasion. Go ahead with just a get together in the garden , enjoy the nice weather and your family’s company. Much love to you 💐

Oh there are some horrible people on this thread! @LilBristow it sounds like a lovely idea and your relatives are being mean. Even if they thought it, why say it? They've hurt your feelings by their sneering and it's uncalled for.
As for the people on here who've piled in when the op was already obviously upset, shame on you!

It’s unusual but actually think this is cute… IF… you aren’t a bit babyzilla, if you are they probably think you are obsessed and using their kids as photo props for your unborn baby is a bit weird.

[quote Kanaloa]@CirqueDeMorgue

Honestly I can’t imagine a loved one inviting me to a baby shower and spitefully thinking ‘nobody cares you’re having a baby.’ If life was like that why would we bother having families and friends? It would be better just to live alone if you don’t care about anyone else’s life events and achievements![/quote]
I had been thinking the same thing, reading this thread has made me very grateful for the people in my life. Everyone was very involved and interested in my pregnancies.
Surely when you love and care for people you share their happiness.

Hopefully OP isn't reading the thread anymore it's just getting nastier the more it goes on.

@LilBristow,

Try not to take it personally that it doesn't fit others' model of the world. It is your first baby and a big thing to you. It is irrelevant that babies are born every day. This is yours and your unique experience of it. Could you arrange a gathering with people who are in your corner and spend some time with them in the lead up to baby coming along? Surround yourself with positive, supportive influences that allow you to thrive and relax. If the kids have questions after baby arrives be open to answering them. This is not about you, it is just different people with different perspectives. How you want to prepare and welcome baby into the world is your choice. Good luck!

I can't believe how nasty some people are being about this. 😯 including family members.

OP wanted a get together for younger members of the family before the baby is born. She has removed the elements that family had an issue with but they are still being cruel.

Their loss OP spend your time & money on a nice pampering day for yourself.