To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

Sorry to say, but yeah, they do sound mean and b1tchy. Why do they need a reason to have a fun day out?

I'm sorry that this has not been well received by your family - I did think it was an odd thing to do, but having read your other posts I can see that you are alone and wanting to share the excitement. As tinglymint said, it might have been good to say you wanted a family party before the baby comes as you might be too tired to see people en masse after, but I feel the ship may have sailed :-( Is it possible for you to have a get together with a group of friends instead I wonder?

Sorry I think it’s weird to celebrate the birth of a baby not yet born. Why do children need ‘preparing’?

Some people are superstitious about baby showers/parties.

You could just hold a kids summer party without making it about your unborn baby!

It comes across as a baby shower in disguise.

Why do the kids need a party about what it’s like to have a new baby, do they not have cousins and/or siblings?

The welcome baby banners just sound odd. Sorry.

I think in the whole a get together sounds great.

Good for you to enjoy the sunshine before the baby comes along.

However the hit I think your family are reacting to that I can't get over is "a chance for them to ask questions"

About what? Surely if there is kids - multiples - this isn't the first baby they've known to be born!

I agree about just having a family get together.

I thinknof I was invited to it, I would think I was being invited to a shower and gifts were expected. And if it wasn't overtly called a shower I would feel that it was a bit sneaky... like stealth gift fishing.

I can see why people think its weird, but would have thought your family might have come around to just a get together.

If there are already cousins though, not sure what questions they will have....

Wow the amount of harsh comments on here are unbelievable.
In all honesty it doesn't sound at all different to a baby shower except that the host planning and arranging all this is the one due to give birth very soon... It sounds to me she wants the cousins to bond with baby and have family to share the excitement with and why shouldn't she? Every baby is a blessing. Yes it could have been worded differently but the fact is her family are being very unsupportive and she is not being unreasonable.

I hope you're ok, but I do think the party idea was a bit odd.

Many people are very superstitious about pregnancy, and the idea of making 'welcome baby' cards before the baby has been safely born isn't going to go down well.

Also, I am assuming that the children have seen other babies come into their lives - siblings, cousins etc. Your baby isn't going to impact their lives to the extent that they have questions about it, and it probably won't be a particularly exciting event for them.

Your family could have been nicer about it though, and YANBU for wanting to have a nice family get together. Why not reschedule for a totally different day, and badge it as a family BBQ, nothing to do with the baby at all.

I think most life events that are special and mean alot to yourself that can be very life consuming, most people and family members wont be that interested, babies, weddings, graduations... it's a shame but sadly that is how people are, so consumed with themselves and their own lives

The other kids wont be very interested sorry to say, and I expect other family members will just assume you're trying to have a day all about yourself and wanting attention/praise now that the baby was mentioned rather than a family get together.

I would say though, just because others aren't that invested doesn't mean you shouldn't do something to celebrate or remember the moment. I did my own pregnancy photoshoot to celebrate my last pregnancy, no one else was invited, no one else has seen the photos, but they mean alot to me.

It's really odd you want a party so they can ask you any questions about the baby... Or so the kids can ask questions. You don't need a party for this... And in sure they don't really have anything to ask or care either way. If there's other babies in the family, they probably already know enough.

If you said you wanted a baby shower... That would make more sense. And be fine.

But with all that being said... Your aunt is ourt of order for saying that the other babies didn't have a party so why should yours. This alone would make me do it, because I'd grates me when you get family members who try putting every person in the family in a little group that has to be the same. You arnt your cousins or other folk, your you and this is how you want to do it so just do it.

Honestly can’t believe some of the replies on here …she’s trying to have a small party for kids .. which I’m sure if you asked them .. would love it ! I’m with you on this OP … it’s a lovely idea 😊

I understand why ppl might think it's a bit odd... but honestly, who cares! Your heart is in the right place, you're rightfully excited about your first baby (so its irrelevant if it isnt as bigger deal to others)... and mostly after the last year an half why the hell would anyone want to quash a reason for a fun family get-together! Hasnt life been hard enough recently.
Dont let other ppls negativity bring you down. 🙃🙂

If you thought your family was mean, they've got nothing on this bunch of arseholes. Mn is such an unpleasant place sometimes. 🙄

Oh poor OP. I mean it's an utterly bizarre idea but she's bringing a baby into the world alone. I'm sure we can forgive a bit of self indulgence. She deserves you lot to have been a bit kinder let alone her own family.
It's a baby shower with kids invited. She hasn't murdered anyone!

I say this as someone who hates baby showers!

Also, why are people on here so set on making others feel like they're behaving totally crazily when they really aren't? It's like some fucking weird form of gaslighting. I feel so sorry for the people that have to put up with them irl.

OP, it's a nice idea and you're not a mad weirdo for thinking it.

@squammy84

Honestly can’t believe some of the replies on here …she’s trying to have a small party for kids .. which I’m sure if you asked them .. would love it ! I’m with you on this OP … it’s a lovely idea 😊

.... exactly what I was thinking. I dont understand how such a nice thoughtful idea has provoked so many mean responses. You'd think this lady had suggested luring these children into the back of a van with a packet of sweets and promises of stroking a cute imaginary puppy!

I’m guessing OP won’t be back but just in case - I’d come to your party! A lot of what people throw parties for seems weird to me but I take it as an honour to be invited and go along and celebrate.

@LilBristow It’s not weird, bit of a harsh word. And even if family members thought it was there’s a way to feed back without being how they are. You’re excited and it’s your first, quite a sweet idea. I’m due in December, first baby, and thinking of having a sort of ‘Start of Mat Leave Afternoon Tea’, no gifts or anything as I don’t really want the typical baby shower as he’s not here yet but I’d still like a little get together. Don’t be upset and let it get to you, ignore them and just focus on your new adventure And if it doesn’t happen so what, it’s not about everyone else anyway

A lot of older people are superstitious about celebrating before baby is born. They didnt buy prams or cots until baby safely delivered. Perhaps this is why .

Why would the kids need 'preparing' or need to 'ask questions'. I think I probably would have laughed at your description. If you wanted to have a family get together, why didn't you just have a garden party / bbq and invite everyone just because.

OP, it’s rather a strange idea but I do think you had the best intentions

Most of us have have behaved like we're the only person ever to have a baby at some point! We all do it! Maybe nobody pointed it out but we did.
Especially on your own.
Oh, OP

You mean one of those tacky American worked its way over the pond baby shower things.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU they are tacky and for lots of tat - balloons, plastic bits hanging around etc

Their generation will not understand at all. Two out of three of my babies were pre scans. I had no idea if my babies would survive or whether they had life changing disabilities.it was unlucky to buy anything before baby was born.

Don't take it personally, whatever you do. Enjoy what's left of your baby-free time by treating yourself and sleeping etc - and let the nay-sayers organise a get-together once the baby arrives!

Baby showers are a new import. Traditionally in the U.K. it’s thought bad luck to buy too much for the baby before it’s born. Your grandparents are from a different generation, invite them but don’t be offended if they don’t come.