Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
Margerine78 · 11/08/2021 17:31

Okay, I don't know how to word this without sounding mean - I think as it's your first you're obviously very excited and it's a huge deal to you, but to others it isn't so much, and people have their own stuff going on. Also will the kids want to ask questions and have a book? When my little sister was born I had zero interest.

To me it's kind of like the baby equivalent of the Bridezilla that doesn't get why her friends/family don't want to spend a few grand on a luxury fortnight holiday for her hen (when weddings and babies happen all the time).

I think expecting people to want to visit to see the baby once it's born, and to make an effort to attend the Christening (if you have one) is acceptable, anything else maybe too much?

MummyG44 · 11/08/2021 17:32

Nice idea and all that, but weird. Just have a fun day for the children by all means, but no need to make it all about the baby. That would seem odd to me. And as for making albums etc and letting the children ask questions - way too over the top! Sorry.

Coreen16 · 11/08/2021 17:36

I think it was a lovely idea - I come from a large family there were 8 on my moms side and 5 on my dad - I have nearly 30 cousins and we are all spread about so any excuse to get together is always a good thing. As far as people saying that making cards is sill - well I still have some of the baby shower cards my mom got for me - and they are especially sentimental for those who have passed away since. To have had a few pearls of wisdom from my great gran or grandma for before I was born would have meant the world to me.
As for kids being prepared - don't stress they cope better than the adults and would probably just have had a fun day.

Just tell em all you are having a get together if they wanna come let you know if they don't tell em no worries. You can always leave a book of 'Baby Wishes' for people to sign or not sign and you can add to it over the years and save for a special birthday, wedding etc

Queenbee77 · 11/08/2021 17:38

No not weird at all. Who said that. You are a lovely person trying to organise a party for all the children in the family. Dont do a party! Go out and spend the money on yourself and the baby and sod the lot of them.!!! When the baby is born dont invite them and keep your door locked. What a lot of miserable sods! I will come to your party!! Bring my 3 and a present for the baby! In the USA they have babyshowers! I would never host a party for them again. Moaning Minnies thats what they are.

Jduvtr · 11/08/2021 17:39

I could be wrong but sounds like there maybe a bit of jealousy there

Shona52 · 11/08/2021 17:39

I think for older generations it might be a bit of an odd concept which is why they maybe acted they way they did. For my nan baby showers were a stupid thing and it should be about the Christian. I think it's always nice to get the family together whatever the reason more so now after the last year we have had.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/08/2021 17:40

it was to help prepare the other kids

To be honest, I very much doubt if the other kids give a flying hoo-hah about you being pregnant.

But perhaps your older family members could have been a bit more tactful.

momtoboys · 11/08/2021 17:43

I'm sorry. I'm unclear as to what you are "preparing the other kids" for?

LovelyIssues · 11/08/2021 17:43

What dicks. I think it sounds lovely. I would have come if I was in your family Flowers with gin and cookies

COPPER3 · 11/08/2021 17:44

Gosh how do I say this with kindness..I know I am old fashioned, but after having my first child in the SCBU for 5 months and known several ladies who have had a still-birth, l feel celebrating a baby, before they are even born, is something I am very wary of. With your Mum/GM on this one.

Just enjoy your gorgeous pregnancy and properly celebrate when your baby has arrived safe and sound.

Good luck dear!

starlight13 · 11/08/2021 17:44

I don't understand. If you wanted to do something fun for the children, then just do it and don't make it about your baby.
What questions would they have? Children don't really care tbh. A baby arrives, a baby arrives, it's not a big thing. You say that they are not aware that you are pregnant which basically sums up that they are not that interested.
I think you have perhaps got confused with this and a baby shower?
Just enjoy this quiet time before your baby arrives.

pteradactyl · 11/08/2021 17:44

I think they were a bit mean tbh. Just because nobody else is as interested in it as you, they could've said something like "a garden party sounds lovely, it will be so nice to have the family together. I'm not sure little Bob and Jane will be particularly into the whole baby side of it though so perhaps save your money/time etc with the bits for that but a get together will be great"

I never understand why people can't just be a bit nicer to each other. If you think someone is being ott, you can let them down gently

Notmyusername123 · 11/08/2021 17:46

So many mean responses here, just a family party no big deal. Have fun OP and hope all goes well with arrival xx

FanniynLlani · 11/08/2021 17:48

Wow, I was surprised to see the majority verdict was that you are unreasonable. I don't see why you shouldn't have a family party whenever you want to, for whatever reason strikes you- and if anyone in your family doesn't have the time or inclination to attend, well (searching for a polite phrase here) - they can do a whatever they want. The fact that nobody previously has done this, or shares your logic is not the point. They are rude, and I hope they don't expect you to throw a party for them all after your baby is born.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 11/08/2021 17:49

I'm late to the thread but bloody hell... the responses to the OP.

I don't believe the posters saying 'there could be issues' or 'bad luck to celebrate in advance of arrival', are saying these things with any care for the OP at all. They're using them as some sort of talisman to ward off being pulled up on their spiteful/pointed responses. It's nobody's place to remind her that her baby might not make it and how odd that so many rushed in to do just that.

When I read the OP's first post I thought much the same as many here, that this isn't something I would do, for many of the reasons given. But, why did she need 'putting in her place' for wanting to do something perhaps a bit cringeworthy? It's her baby and she wanted attention from her family for herself/the baby. I imagine, if you have to do this alone - for whatever reason - it's quite tough and for a first baby, there must be a feeling of having 'missed out' on the celebrations and congratulations that a first time mum routinely gets.

I'm probably one of the last people who would pick up on emotive posting but I picked up that the OP wanted some sort of validation from her family that her baby matters to them as much as it does to her and to bask in that adoration for a bit. When you don't have anybody else close to you (and OP said that she is doing it alone), it really shouldn't be beyond the wit of another mum to understand that.

I read the OP's posts, all of them, and I'm not surprised she's gone. I am surprised that she bothered to post multiple times.

SallyWD · 11/08/2021 17:50

I feel sorry for OP. OK, it is unusual the way it's being framed and I agree the other children font need to be prepared - BUT OP has said she's having this baby alone and it's her first. She just wanted a little family gathering where she could about the baby and share her excitement. As is typically the way with Mumsnet everyone's being rather harsh and hurtful!

Janaih · 11/08/2021 17:52

I agree with everything @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe has said.

fayebelle · 11/08/2021 17:52

I think some of the comments on here are mean!! I think it's a lovely idea and if i was part of you family would of been there with bells on!! Sod them and have a party anyway love enjoy your first baby 👶

Bard6817 · 11/08/2021 17:55

How were the other children prepared for each other coming along?

Thousands of years kids have adapted to other kids appearing. If you had a first and this was second, maybe it would be worth the time to answer any questions, but what questions will the others have for their cousin? Name? When? Boy ir Girl?

Honestly think you want a party and this justification. I think your family is right.

Xyyxxx · 11/08/2021 17:55

I think it's a lovely idea. Maybe they're all jealous cos they didn't think of it.

Herewegoagain84 · 11/08/2021 17:57

I think with hindsight you’ll laugh at this as it’s very PFB. A family gathering would be lovely, but no one needs “preparing” for your baby.

Fluffmum · 11/08/2021 17:57

Just have the party. They are miserable. I love any excuse for a get together

Lulu1919 · 11/08/2021 17:58

Questions the other kids might have .....like what ????

Treegarden · 11/08/2021 18:00

I think you are being a little precious. There have been other babies born as there are other kids, so the other kids do need it explaining. They know what is going to happen.

I am with your family on this one x

Treegarden · 11/08/2021 18:03

I have justnread through the comments and hope OP is OK.