To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

@gwenneh

So...you're looking to prepare other family members' kids?

Agree that this is odd.

That was my first thought too. They don't need preparing, they're unlikely to have any questions - it's a baby being born, nice but not life changing for a child family member or an unusual occurrence that they will find the need to ask questions about. As for them having an album to remind them of the day - bit odd. I bet some of them don't even have an album marking their individual first year, yet alone an album to mark the party for a baby in the wider family that isn't even here yet.

I get that you're excited but you are not the first person to have a baby.

Always see the "over invested " and "agitated " thing chucked in around this time in a thread. As a bit of a feeble argument.

If I choose to sit onMN "over investing" 😁 ,I shall. None of your business @ChocolateTelegram

And doesn't make what you've posted any more convincing.

This is derailing so sorry. Though I don't suppose the OP is anywhere near this thread anymore.

Who cares if it's self indulgent? I'm pretty sure everyone is self indulgent at times it's not a crime.
And as long as the other parents are happy with it she's allowed to put photos on social media if she chooses.

Birthday parties, weddings, christenings and family get togethers are all great occasions to take family photos that I'm sure most people take advantage of and have been doing for decades.

Even if it's not your or the family's cup of tea it's inexcusable for people to be so mean and vile to her.

@aSofaNearYou

Yes I agree it can contribute to loneliness, and I feel it adds pressure to mums who feel they need to ‘keep up’ with other people.

However, it’s not like it’s some awful thing she’s doing, putting some photos on social media. It’s certainly no reason for people to pile on her like this.

[quote Kanaloa]@aSofaNearYou

Yes I agree it can contribute to loneliness, and I feel it adds pressure to mums who feel they need to ‘keep up’ with other people.

However, it’s not like it’s some awful thing she’s doing, putting some photos on social media. It’s certainly no reason for people to pile on her like this.[/quote]
It's not really a pile on though. Many of us on this thread have been parents for the first time, many have been single or lone parents

OP asked if her family could've been nicer. Answer: yes they could have been more tactful, but the idea itself wasn't thought out properly. People aren't that invested in your unborn baby, truthfully. Most people would agree hosting a party is a nice idea but making it all about the baby (card and photo albums) is over the top and a little cringeworthy

Clearly most posters and even her family agrees. Not a pile on, just not nice to hear when you were excited about something. We all do cringey things, nothing to be embarrassed about, but yeah... don't focus the party on an unborn, not-very-close relative

[quote Kanaloa]@aSofaNearYou

Yes I agree it can contribute to loneliness, and I feel it adds pressure to mums who feel they need to ‘keep up’ with other people.

However, it’s not like it’s some awful thing she’s doing, putting some photos on social media. It’s certainly no reason for people to pile on her like this.[/quote]
It can, but I meant more that it can be a bit of a crutch for lonely people. They don't have many people around them physically so they cling to social media for that sense of connection. It's not necessarily a good thing but I don't think people should be judged for it as so many do on here.

Clearly most posters and even her family agrees. Not a pile on, just not nice to hear when you were excited about something. We all do cringey things, nothing to be embarrassed about, but yeah... don't focus the party on an unborn, not-very-close relative
I agree.
People can be excited about a new arrival without wanting to attend very staged events for an unborn baby. Equally, people have rightly identified the heavy focus on getting the nice photos.

It would probably be nice for the OP to invite a few of her close friends and family round for a catch up one afternoon before baby arrives rather than a big party event, or once baby is here maybe have a nice afternoon to introduce baby to friends and family if she's feeling up to it.

But then they could just say no thanks. There’s no need to tell op that her aunt laughed at her or that they think it’s a silly idea. I agreed that it was a bit over the top but it’s hardly hard work to attend a bit of a self indulgent party.

@suspiria777

Also no point in welcome baby cards because your baby won't be able to read.

I think it’s odd too. Just suggest a family garden party. Don’t make it about the baby

Well, OP hasn't been back since she called herself a "dickhead" and said she just wanted to share the excitement with someone because she was having the baby on her own, so... yeah... that told her, I guess.

Job well done to "team laughing auntie", facepalmers and eyerollers asking her if she was giving birth to the messiah when she said she was upset about her family's reaction to her organising a get-together, even when she dropped the baby idea.

When someone posts on here that their family forgot their birthday, they usually get a whole stream of "happy birthdays" from people, not a telling off for being self-absorbed or "not the only person to ever have a birthday". I don't see why this should be any different. Just because it's something you don't approve of there's no reason to ridicule it.

It's not every post and there is support here too, but it's enough to be upsetting and now I bet the OP thinks her family were right to laugh at her.

I see your point Kanaloa. Part of me wonders whether one of the big issues here (aside from the aunty who text directly) is that lots of the communication seems to be like Chinese whispers with OP's mum as messenger.

Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick it sounds like:
OP planned the party
OP told her mum and then asked her mum to spread the word around wider family
Mum seems to have told the family the scale of the unborn baby party
Mum's fed back that the family are confused why there's a party for an unborn baby and the quietness suggests the family hadn't said yes please
OP's justified it some more
Her mum has gone back to extended family
Grandma has said the same thing again to OP's mum
One aunty sent a needlessly unpleasant text
The OP has heard (we don't know who from) that another aunt has said it's silly. Whoever passed that back to the OP after a frosty original response and the more direct follow up responses wasn't being very kind.

Whereas "hi family, I'm hosting a get together before the baby arrives. There's some activities for the kids, I've got a big reveal and it would be nice to see you all" would probably get a yes/no thank you response directly to the OP. It might have been a little OTT as an event but people would have got on with it if they were family who got on well.

I think they could have been politer as well but I also think it depends on the relationship and how many of these self indulgent events the op has had, Ie baby showers, gender reveals, party for th scan pic etc, there could have been a whole host of events and they’ve just had enough now.

There is a heavy focus on photos so I’m hoping it’s not a social media thing, but hoping to “prepare” others kids , give them the opportunity to ask questions, and have them making welcome baby cards is quite an unusual thing to wish to do really and smacks a bit of “the most important child ever is to be born” . I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way, but it’s a little ott.

However as a pp said we all do cringe stuff really.

Whereas "hi family, I'm hosting a get together before the baby arrives. There's some activities for the kids, I've got a big reveal and it would be nice to see you all" would probably get a yes/no thank you response directly to the OP.

But there is no big reveal or habe I missed it? She wanted them to make welcome baby cards.

Whilst I agree with some points.

But also its not the same. No one forgot op was having a baby. Or forgot about the party.

The equivalent would be something telling their family they are throwing a kids tea party for the kids in their family, but where everyone makes cards and banners for the person organising the party. Then it turns out the organiser is actually just throwing their own birthday party, but not telling anyone that.

I think people, posting, would find that odd too and responses would be similar.

I mean, it doesn't even sound like the family is that close. How can op not know of these children, know if she is pregnant or not.

If op wants a party, she should just have a party. But if someone I wasn't that close to, came to me with this idea I would find it odd.

I wouldn't laugh and it was cruel of the ops mum to tell the op that.

But there is no big reveal or habe I missed it? She wanted them to make welcome baby cards.

I think that's because op also planned for it to be turned into a Sex/name reveal party as well.

I assume that's what they are referring to.

bluntness The big reveal was that OP was hoping it would also double up as a sex reveal and a name announcement, but I don't think the family knew that bit, which maybe made the other stuff sound even more wtf.

I know I can be rather blunt sometimes with my replies but this thread is really horrible.

There is a very pregnant, soon to be single mum on the other end of that username. I am presuming young too due to the nature of the post.

Do people not think she has enough on her plate without piling on.

Yes her request is different but the way she has been spoken to on here is just vile.

It's a baby shower, they are rather a marmite occasion! I think it's weird, have a party but bringing the baby into the equation makes it sound like you are wanting gifts

It would probably be nice for the OP to invite a few of her close friends and family round for a catch up one afternoon before baby arrives rather than a big party event, or once baby is here maybe have a nice afternoon to introduce baby to friends and family if she's feeling up to it.

Don't think it was ever ' a big party event'. Though OP had obviously made some plans in her head.

But you've explained what would be nice for her to do.

i agree..its very strange.I feel...wrongly or rightly..its to early and..it just feels wrong...in my view

@Itsseweasy

Normally I’m not a huge fan of Baby Showers (even my own!) and can’t stand posed pics for social media and suchlike, but your reasons for holding this baby party sound really thoughtful, and much more for your other kids benefit than for you. You sound really kind and considerate of them. So absolutely YANBU and I think you should reconsider including your grumpy relatives in future events. I hope and your kids you have a lovely time without them!

This.

I think it is a lovely idea, very inclusive, and shares your forthcoming event with the whole family. It's unusual but everything has a "first".

I’m sorry but agree with grandparents.

1. there could be issues late on, no one wants to think that way but it’s possible which is why no presents/party before.
2. Not sure what questions other kids might have but their parents job to explain babies.

I think if you had said a get together as after baby you’d prob be too tired for social stuff with new born it would have gone down better.
Of course it’s exciting for you, but they are prob interested in meeting baby rather than seeing bump for last time.

@LilBristow
Hi OP, I see that you’ve said that you are having the baby alone. Now I’ve seen that I totally get why you wanted to do the baby party. I had my baby alone and it’s lovely to feel that people are excited for you. I hope you have your party and I hope you have a lovely lovely time. All the best for when baby arrives and if you have any questions about raising a baby alone please feel free to pm me.

I'm really superstitious but when it came to babies my Dad was worse. He insisted we couldn't bring a pushchair or car seat into the house before ours was born. People would feel weird. Save it for afterwards.

Congratulations on your imminent arrival, OP. Your family could have been a lot nicer about it!