To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

HoppingPavlova Wed 11-Aug-21 02:06:19
I’ve only read first and last pages, not trawling through other 18 but from what I see people are not being negative. They are trying to realistically explain to the OP why they received the reception they did from their family so the OP does NOT feel that the family is being mean to her (her phrase).
............

I agree with you, Jackson. It's not mean to point out how bizarre the idea is and it is quite true that kids don't give a monkey's. However the family members who laughed may seem hurtful to the op, they could have been more tactful but maybe they found the idea OTT and felt embarrassed, who knows? I've never known anybody do such a thing and wonder if it is an American import.

However I am sorry the op is going to be giving birth on her own, that can't be much fun (it's also something the small children in the family will have to process eventually but not before the baby is born). Hopefully friends and family will rally round when it has happened.

You meant well, op, don't be downhearted. I hope the rest of your pregnancy and the birth go smoothly.

Plumtree391 yuo do know thaat is spam and not a real account of someone's experience? Maybe even posted by a bot.

Ah I feel bad for the op. Yes it was a bit much but she just wanted to feel special.

Op everyone will love the baby when they come. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel special. Your mum sounds like she tried to be really nice about it, but it was a bit of a full on request initially.

@Lonelylooloo

It sounds like you’ve tried to throw yourself a baby shower without calling it a baby shower and whilst it sounds like your intentions were great it’s not been received well because it’s not the ‘done’ thing and people don’t like things they don’t understand or aren’t used to.

If there are multiple other children in your family already then you’re no doubt one of many siblings/cousins to have babies so trying to do something different to what they did probably will put some noses out of joint, rather than think ‘that’s a cute idea’ they immediately think ‘well we didn’t do that for Kerry so why would you think we’d do it for you?’

Personal opinion, I’d eye roll if me and my kids were invited to a family party like this. Not because it’s not a ‘cute’ but it just sounds a bit Americanised and too much to me. But then again I’m also the parent who won’t attend a graduation ceremony until my kids are at uni nursery graduation?!? THATS NOT A THING!!

This makes me feel a bit sorry for your kids. They won’t understand your reasons for not attending, just that their mum was the one who refused when most other children had their parents there celebrating them.

What is the principle you’re sticking to that’s so important it’s worth making your children feel less valued?

@LilBristow
My take on the situation....your family should throw you a shower, especially after your invitation...can't they understand you would like to have a day feeling special and happy photos for memories?

Your first baby too, which is kind of who baby showers are meant for.
Anyways, I did vote yabu, but that was for your ideas of having gathering during a pandemic, I feel far to risky, and getting kids to make banners and stuff, we'll, that was just cringyy Instagram stuff. I don't create fake scenarios, wait for the thoughtful moments to evolve naturally.

OP's family, if you're reading, throw her a shower dammit! She's having a baby in a pandemic, wiith no partner, and hormonal. Can you even remember hormones and the thrill of a FIRST BABY!

Good luck OP, let us know when baby is coming!

Wtf? This is weird.
Why would the other young kids have questions about the baby?
A family get together is great - but don’t make it about the baby. Or just have a baby shower ..

Epic drip feed there OP - 'I'm having the baby alone' 13 pages in.

Look I wish you all the very best with your pregnancy and baby - bu99% of people aren't being 'mean' or 'trolls', just saying it's something most of us would eye roll at and swerve as it's a self indulgent instagram-age thing (especially a gender reveal party dressed up as a fun party for kids).

Weird, sorry. You're not the first person to be pregnant, as is obvious by the other kids in the family- what questions exactly do you envisage them to have they wouldn't just ask their own parents?

Op says she is having the baby alone, so people are saying the family could be more sensitive. But its also possible that the OP is having a baby alone, through choice. As in IVF or donor.

But either way, there's every chance that she has portrayed herself as someone who isn't worried or lonely, to them. Maybe she felt the need to appear she is handling this well to everyone.

Theres so much that would change wether the family should be so sensitive to her they agree to any plans she makes.

You sound nice. And good fun. So what if it’s an unusual idea. I’m sorry you feel hurt and disappointed.

I hope you have some supportive people around you. Best of luck.

@LilBristow, one piece of advice:
From your extended family’s rather, erm, blunt response to the party idea, do NOT tell them the baby’s name until after the birth. Not until it’s settled.

Otherwise your mum, grandmother, aunts etc will have All The Opinions on the name, and what would be a better name, and stories about children with that name who were awful etc etc.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly. Congratulations

I’ve only read first and last pages, not trawling through other 18 but from what I see people are not being negative.

@HoppingPavlova

Nope you're wrong. People are being vile. RTFT if you're going to make that judgement.

Epic drip feed there OP - 'I'm having the baby alone' 13 pages in.

FFS Give the OP a break. Pages of posters pointing out how OP's idea is weird, no ones interested, etc etc and now you pop up and tell her it's a "drip feed".

Frankly, who the fuck cares?

There you have it OP “I’m having the baby alone”. Totally understandable now why you would want to share this with your family. Think this is exactly what you should have said to your family, that you’re super excited about the birth of your baby and wanted your family to share it. Having a family get together to talk about your baby is lovely. I think you threw people when you said it was to prepare other children and answer any questions they may have. Good luck OP x

@sunglassesonthetable

Epic drip feed there OP - 'I'm having the baby alone' 13 pages in.

FFS Give the OP a break. Pages of posters pointing out how OP's idea is weird, no ones interested, etc etc and now you pop up and tell her it's a "drip feed".

Frankly, who the fuck cares?

I’m not sure why you’re attacking the poster, calm down. It was a drip feed planted to illicit sympathy, there is no context on why she’s having a baby alone or how she feels about it, other than indicating she’s excited.. If you don’t care move to the next thread.

As said, I feel bad cor the op, she wanted to feel special and be the centre of attention but went about it the wrong way.

Of course the other kids don’t need to be “prepared” or given an opportunity to ask her questions, they can ask their parents, and making cards ans banners dor the unborn child is a bit over the top. Her family could have been nicer about it, but no one knows the history in terms of their relationships or the ops previous behaviour.

@50ShadesOfCatholic

So in a nutshell we have a heavily pregnant young woman who wants to share her excitement about her impending arrival with the people she is closest too.

She arranged it. And they laugh at her and scorn her.

So she comes in here to share her disappointment - and great swathes of posters trio over themselves in the scramble to heap more scorn upon her.

Baby? Who cares?!
Single mother? So what!?
Wanting to share your joy? Piss off!!

And then we have threads wondering why an ever increasing number of people feel lonely, anxious, unhappy and unsupported.

Nailed it.

Some horrible replies here.
OP is obviously and rightly very excited about the upcoming arrival and wants to share it with her close family.
I think it’s a lovely idea OP, do what makes your happy.

I agree it's an odd idea. What sort of questions do you expect other family members children might have that they won't just ask their parents at the time if it pops in to their head? On the other hand you don't actually need a reason for a family party. Why not just organise a garden party?

OP just called it a baby shower that will remove all oddness from the situation and resolve the issue

@BookFiend4Life

Wow it's amazing how many people are willing to shit all over the innocent joy of a heavily pregnant woman! Mumsnet is such a great place for female support! Maybe there will be another 300 unique posts saying "bit weird OP, not surprised nobody cares about your baby" such great insight!

Congrats on your baby! Invite your friends for a gender reveal instead :) the paddling pool will feel great on your sore (no doubt) feet!

Agreed. There was a huge thread on here last week about the horrific case concerning Alaih the litte baby starved to death by her so called mother... Yet, here is a lady, the polar opposite of that mother, a mother to be excited to celebrate her baby and all people can do is make snide, sarcastic and downright nasty comments. What's wrong with loving her baby and wanting to celebrate it? Op, your family and people in general do care about you and your baby, I'm sure and I hope you are both spoilt and the centre of attention when your lo comes along. My son is 15 now but will forever be my pfb as it's called on here and I'm proud of that and him.

OP, in the kindest possible way, the other kids in the family don't really care that there is a baby on the way until it is here, they'll pat it on the head and then get on with playing.

It's all a bit weird and crazy and overbearing. I'd just cancel and then plan something nice with your own adult friends before the baby arrives.

Those are the questions I wanted them to ask as I was hoping it could double up as a sex/name reveal thing but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it

This is different to preparing the dc. If you ask them to ask questions you'll probably just end up down a rabbit hole of questions better answered by their parents (in different ways depending on age if individual children) kids will rarely ask what you are expecting. Just let them know that you've worded it badly and what you want is a gender and name reveal.

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

Yet you say "we " throughout your opening post.

You sound really nice, @LilBristow. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and that you're looking forward to meeting your lovely son