To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

@LilBristow Congratulations on your pregnancy and your impending arrival. Hope everything goes smoothly and you enjoy all thr baby snuggles heading your way very soon!

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon

‘Prepare them’ bless you

@SamiReed1 that’s the most awful series of comments I’ve ever read on mumsnet. I hope you find your empathy bone one day.

Reading some replies on here I had to go back to page one and reread op's post to check I haven't developed amnesia and missed out a huge part because to be honest, I can't understand the reactions in some of these comments

The op has asked for opinions and fair play to those who gave an opposing opinion constructively, but some responses are uncalled for. I sincerely hope the op is ok.

@LilBristow congratulations on your new baby, it is exciting and wonderful and you and bub absolutely deserve to be the centre of attention for this special time in your life. Your family were mean and you didn’t need any of their comments filtered back to you really. If I was your friend I would support you and help you plan a lovely event to celebrate your new arrival and I do think crafts and things to decorate the new baby’s room is a lovely idea too. Good luck OP you sound lovely and creative. Don’t let the haters get you down xxx

@Frazzledmummy123 me too. Disappointed in mumsnet tonight.

@Dogoodfeelgood I can't believe some of what I have just read

[quote Dogoodfeelgood]@SamiReed1 that’s the most awful series of comments I’ve ever read on mumsnet. I hope you find your empathy bone one day.[/quote]
Agree. @SamiReed1 you are a disgrace.

@LilBristow As I said much earlier in the thread, your family are miserable feckers, and YANBU at all. I am sorry you have had such a hard time on this thread, from some truly nasty posters.

OP, I think people are frightened to celebrate a birth before it happens in case things go wrong. Call it superstitious, but it’s well-meaning. I’d feel the same, which I suppose makes me superstitious. I’d celebrate like mad once the baby’s safely born!

I feel absolutely dreadful for the OP now. There's a lot of nasty name calling for someone who doesn't deserve it.

I think people seriously underestimate how few shits kids give about other kids being born.

My DD's friends called on her a few weeks ago to come out and play on the front, and I asked one of the boys who is 8 about his baby sibling as I'd seen his mum pushing a pram the day before and had obviously known she was due imminently. I said "did she have a boy or a girl?". Answer: "can't remember" "Oh ok well what's the baby's name?" Answer: "Dunno"

@FreeSpirits

Good lord 🤦

Well, I'll go against the grain as I love baby showers, and I find it's a lovely moment to gather and celebrate. I'm mid 30s, and my family/friends tend to have a "baby BBQ", very casual any everyone brings a plate, but importantly gives a reason to catch up and spend time together.

I think OP the card writing, photo shoot, and preparing the kids may have thrown your family, a little OTT but that's ok. If I was your family member, personally I may have had a chuckle but I would never say anything to you.

I would pivot back to everyone and be clear it's a lunch to catch up before the baby comes, and for parents to bring swimmers for their kids if it's warm. You could mention originally you were a little excited, but it's important to you to have the opportunity to see everyone you love before the baby comes as you'll have limited free time.

To everyone who is commenting so cruelly, I pity you that you would be so negative to a pregnant single woman. Well done, you've really helped.

Wow it's amazing how many people are willing to shit all over the innocent joy of a heavily pregnant woman! Mumsnet is such a great place for female support! Maybe there will be another 300 unique posts saying "bit weird OP, not surprised nobody cares about your baby" such great insight!

Congrats on your baby! Invite your friends for a gender reveal instead :) the paddling pool will feel great on your sore (no doubt) feet!

The responses on here are insane.

OP, I think it's a great idea to have the party. You're doing a nice thing for the kids! Your family were out of order IMHO.

Shame on mnetters tonight, omg. Ridiculous nasty comments.

Also who bitches about a party someone else is throwing? Surely that's more offensive than a first time mom being excited about her baby?

I’ve only read first and last pages, not trawling through other 18 but from what I see people are not being negative. They are trying to realistically explain to the OP why they received the reception they did from their family so the OP does NOT feel that the family is being mean to her (her phrase).

It’s in no way usual to have to have a get-together so kids in wider family can ask questions/be told about the baby. Kids don’t have questions, they just accept information and babies coming along. One day their parent tells them ‘good news, aunt x had a baby boy/girl this morning’, they say ‘okay’ and life moves along for them. They would be extremely perplexed at having to make craft items for a baby that wasn’t here - to them it doesn’t exist as such- and as well as perplexed would be resentful as they may not be into craft, may just want to run around etc. There doesn’t seem to be much appreciation of where kids stand developmentally with all of this yet it’s focused on the kids, which is why OP has wider family scratching their heads.

Same as when family gets together post birth, it would be rare for kids to show an interest in a baby so it would be useful for OP to have realistic expectations. They would rather play in a Nintendo etc than have to stand and look at a baby and their questions are limited to ‘when can I play Nintendo’. Essentially, a baby is only exciting g to the person/people having it and maybe grandparents if it’s their first or not many in family, after that it’s another to add to the pile.

I haven't read all the comments but I'm getting the gist of what's going on here. Unfortunately I don't think the OP will come back and read this. But OP of you do, I agree they did not need to be so mean!

Same goes for people here! Sure, as an older mum already, I might have had a small (good natured) eye roll at the invite. But my family and I would love to come to this kind of party and have fun in the spirit it is intended!

I love parties and getting excited with someone about their good news!

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time both with your family and here, over this!

I think it is a loverly thought but I think you should have just invited them for a family party and then take some pictures etc. As others have said although your consumed with your baby others aren’t.

@SamiReed1

Agree with your family, it sounds batshit to me, and very self-absorbed. Really, the kids aren't going to give a shit about the baby except to say hello to it, ask for a hold, and then get bored with it. They won't have any questions. They won't care. They're kids. Kids don't give a stuff about babies. You sound like Precious First Born mum on steroids. You sound like what you are doing (having a baby) is so unusual that kids will be amazed at it or traumatised and need to ask questions. In the nicest way possible please get over yourself. Truly, kids are the last people who give a shit or have any questions. They don't care. They just don't.

That's a very spiteful post. What do you get out of posting that crap?

So in a nutshell we have a heavily pregnant young woman who wants to share her excitement about her impending arrival with the people she is closest too.

She arranged it. And they laugh at her and scorn her.

So she comes in here to share her disappointment - and great swathes of posters trio over themselves in the scramble to heap more scorn upon her.

Baby? Who cares?!
Single mother? So what!?
Wanting to share your joy? Piss off!!

And then we have threads wondering why an ever increasing number of people feel lonely, anxious, unhappy and unsupported.

You’re just going to have to face it that no one is ever going to be as excited about or interested in your child as you are. That’s just how it is.

The “questions about the baby” thing is weird. Surely they know what a baby is and does. This can’t be the first baby that’s been born into the extended family, If they want to know what you’re going to call it then they can just ask you at any time. Why do you have to have an event for that? It comes across as being a diva.