Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
Gilly12345 · 10/08/2021 22:26

Is this party meant to be a baby shower or genuinely a family get together?

I agree with others and find this a bit strange, maybe if you have only a few weeks left you should focus on yourself and maybe relax and pack your hospital bag and definitely not put yourself under pressure by organising family parties.

Nextlevelnonsense · 10/08/2021 22:27

I also think it sounds like a really fun event for the kids, and you shouldn't have to justify it to anyone.

You only asked for their company and offered them a lovely afternoon.
It's unusual, but not grabby, offensive or insulting.

Some people find any excuse for a celebration, others look for any reason to be offended.
Do it your way!

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 10/08/2021 22:29

My not so close relative gave me an early scan picture when she told me she was pregnant. Proudly presenting it to me, I said oh wow thank you and was a bit wtf. We laugh about it now and she admits she went full on baby mode. I wouldn't dream of saying anything and I'm not particularly a nice person, I judge harsh and a bit of an arse but can be happy for others, when I see them happy.

Anyway, my relatives/close friends babies are important to me, enough to attend a party at least, I would be happy if you got married, would want to celebrate your promotion and be excited when you buy a new house. So ignore the harsh comments, anything other than total disinterest in anything to do with someone else is met with "no one gives a shit about you"

ThatFlamingCandle · 10/08/2021 22:29

@sunglassesonthetable

You're having a baby, that's all. It's no big deal. It's just everyday life.

I can't read this thread any more.

Nah having a baby is a massive fucking deal to a mother. Have a SCRAP of empathy ffs.

Most of us are parents here. Listening to parents bleat on about their kids is unbearable, especially babies or fetuses - unless you're pregnant too, then most will take an interest

An entire party dedicated to preparing for a newborn is too much. I empathise as a young mother who had my child as a teen, obviously single. You want to share it with other people.

Extended family and kids you barely know are not those people. Go out to lunch or host a BBQ with your immediate family/close friends. But OP is just doing too much I'm afraid.

As pp said perfectly it smacks of PFB

GreenTreess · 10/08/2021 22:31

YANBU - why does everyone have to have an opinion on the 'reason' for your party? Why can you not have a party for the fun of it? They seem ungrateful to me - why are they fussing over a fun day that someone else organises

Justforphoto · 10/08/2021 22:33

How old are the family children? Who are the family children, since it was your Grandma and Aunts you were talking to are these children your cousins so once removed from the baby?

It would be a nice idea if the children are youngish ie under 10 and I think that would be pushing it slightly but if we are talking any older then they really wouldn't want to do what you had planned. It does sound like you may have misjudged things slightly but due to your insistence and trying to talk people round that they now don't trust that you've dropped the idea. I think you need to have a heart to heart with which ever family member you are closest to and explain how you feel about being alone and wanting support.

Good luck with everything.

Askingforfriend · 10/08/2021 22:42

I voted YABU but you are only being a tiny bit U because it is kid of odd.

I think you need to reframe it. Say that you are excited about the new baby coming and you wanted to spend some relaxing time with the people important to you before the baby is born.

5329871e · 10/08/2021 22:42

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.
I think your idea was unusual but lovely. If I was in your family I’d definitely bring my kids and get into the spirit of it!
crasscloud · 10/08/2021 22:44

I agree with you, OP. They didn't need to be so heartless about it. I can only think that they don't realise what this means to you. Congratulations on your lovely baby.

hey9654 · 10/08/2021 22:45

I think people think it's weird because no one else is as obsessed with your baby as you are, and you just want people to come over and be obsessed with your baby. Everyone else has had babies so it's not that a big a deal to them, but it is to you because it's your first.

Murphs1 · 10/08/2021 22:49

I think it’s a lovely idea. You’re excited for the arrival of your baby and want to involve everyone else in it and you’re throwing a party to celebrate. Why not!

Kanaloa · 10/08/2021 22:51

Having a baby alone is of course different than having it with a partner. It’s not necessarily bad but it is different and you might feel you’d like some support from family.

OP has agreed it might not have been the best idea but it’s not like she invited everyone round to scrub her toilets. It was a party invitation not a prison sentence, if people didn’t want to go they were welcome to say no. Yeah it could have possibly been phrased better but it was clearly well intentioned.

Knittingupastorm · 10/08/2021 22:52

I agree that the party is an unusual thing to do. But your auntie’s response that it’s “not fair” on the other children in the family is weird.

MrsMaizel · 10/08/2021 22:58

It's a bit 😬

UndertheCedartree · 10/08/2021 22:58

@AllTheSingleLadiess

Your extended family are rude by telling you what they really think but until recently it was considered bad luck (in England) to celebrate the baby until they were born. I have teens and Baby Showers were only seen on US TV shows when they were babies.
I have a 14yo and was organising and attending baby showers (in the UK) for at least 3 years before I had him. Baby showers are not about celebrating the baby but about support for the mother and a bit of fun before the baby arrives.
aSofaNearYou · 10/08/2021 22:59

@hey9654

I think people think it's weird because no one else is as obsessed with your baby as you are, and you just want people to come over and be obsessed with your baby. Everyone else has had babies so it's not that a big a deal to them, but it is to you because it's your first.
Well people aren't fussed about other people's marriages either but they don't scoff at attending weddings. It's a party invite, take it or leave it. There's a bit of knocking OP down a peg or two over people not caring about her baby on this thread that has a pretty nasty undertone.
AndytheUnicorn · 10/08/2021 23:00

Just thought I’d say, I thought it was quite a sweet idea. Have a party for the kids and let them be excited about a new baby coming into the family.

It’s been a miserable year and a half so any excuse for a party. I hope you do manage to have a nice family party in the end OP and I’m sure when your baby is born everyone will be excited to meet them and want a cuddle.

Greystray · 10/08/2021 23:03

I think it's a sweet idea, and thoughtful.

If you want to do it, exactly the way you planned, then do.

Maybe your relatives will do some covert eyebrow raising behind your back, but who cares? Don't even worry about damage control. People love a bit of gossip fodder, let them enjoy it. You'll get to have a lovely time with the kids and make crafts for your baby, and that's what you'll remember.

Wanderlust20 · 10/08/2021 23:04

It's not odd to have a party before the baby is here - that's what a baby shower is! So don't understand these comments at all...

WhatAShilohPitt · 10/08/2021 23:05

It’s too much fuss. No need to make it a ‘baby party’ to get anyone used to the idea of you having a baby. No need for banners and making welcome cards. Just have everyone over for a fun day.

Italiangreyhound · 10/08/2021 23:07

Sounds like a lovely idea.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 10/08/2021 23:14

It's just strange op.
Gender reveal. Fine
Baby shower. Fine
The preparing other children for the arrival of your child is just strange

TheFrogsAreDying · 10/08/2021 23:14

I can see why your family thought it was weird and laughed about it. You will one day too OP, but probably not for a few years.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 10/08/2021 23:16

Sorry OP but unless you're delivering the Holy Messiah, a party for an unborn baby for kids to ask questions is some YY but I'd laugh at too.

As will you in a few years (we've ALL done stuff like this(

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 10/08/2021 23:17

*something not some YY but ConfusedHmm