To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

Really depressing the amount of people who apparently go round thinking, 'Nope, that's not a good enough reason for a party'.

That's right. Apart from prospective grandparents, it's not important. People have babies every day.

Classic MN arse. Your baby is not interesting. Sorry forgot. What bullshit.

Hope the people still being arseholes after OP has explained why she wanted the party feel good about themselves.

OP if you're still reading I'm sorry your family couldn't just keep their mouths shut and attend or throw you a baby shower.

I've been in your place and it's an incredibly lonely place to be, my heart goes out to you, but soon enough you won't be alone anymore. You are going to have a little human who loves you more than anything and you will be their whole world

@Fcuk38

This is hilarious tbh. It’s like Your putting your kid in a pedestal by thinking the other kids will have questions about it. News flash your not the first to have a child and likely they won’t care until it’s actually here and even then the novelty will wear off pretty quick. What do you think they are going to ask? I’m intrigued?

Op has already answered this question. It's not hard to read OPs posts if you can't be arsed reading the thread.

I had my first baby alone too. Your proactive approach will definitely hold you in good stead. I LOVE that you organised this and thought of the other children. My older children had tons of questions when I was pregnant- you obviously know and understand children well.

I hope you manage to organise a celebration with people who understand you, even just a few guests. You deserve to be celebrated and to share excitement with others.

Honestly I don't think the kids would give a shit, they probably won't be interested until said baby is old enough to play with them... just call it a baby shower and have it

Yeah I do not see the point of this. What do kids need to learn or ask about a baby? The whole thing and making welcome cards sounds very look at me.

but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it

Ah OP, you aren't being a dickhead at all, you're just understandably excited but its not the same focus for other people (but yes, your family could have been a bit more diplomatic). Maybe when your baby arrives you can have a little introduction/garden party for the new cousins then. Best of luck.

This is batshit

@Justme10 At the risk of getting flamed for replying again to this thread, let me just say that having it alone really doesn't change anything (and by the sound of the large family and kids she has, she isn't all alone in the world). Do you know how many single mums give birth every day? Probably hundreds in London alone. It's hardly uncommon to split from your partner while you're pregnant and then give birth. I'd say I've come across, say, 30 - to 50 on this forum alone. Being in a relationship or not doesn't alter that people are wondering what she has to "prepare" other kids for. And it sounds like she's got plenty of family and friends, per the party idea, for support post birth.
Ok, I'm out. *Grabs coat.

God people are so miserable. This is a nice get together OP is trying to organise, family get together, kids together. Chance to celebrate a really lovely time in OP life with people who should care the most?! Why would being part of a memory family book be weird also? OP I would love to attend something like this, I would think what a lovely idea. This thread is utterly depressing to read if this is how people think.

I feel bad voting YABU but it does seem like a bonkers idea. I think if you had just organised a get together and got kids together then it would be fine.

I don't think cousins would be especially interested in the unborn baby & even when it's been born they might glance over but then carry in playing.

I'm sorry you're going it alone. Maybe have a get together once baby has been born to get some pics of cousins with the newborn?

You basically want a baby shower and hope people would make a fuss maybe play games stage photos and have some gifts. It's very self-indulgent tbh they dont want to attend op.

I hope you're okay OP, I feel like you've been given a hard time by your relatives and on here, just for wanting a party.

Baby showers and sex reveal parties aren't really my thing so I chose not to have one (baby showers were a thing when I was pregnant but I think sex reveal parties were a little bit later), but if a relative or friend was hosting one I would go and be supportive, especially if that person was becoming a single parent for the first time.

I think your Aunt is being a bit weird saying nobody had a baby party before. Maybe they didn't, but they could have, and you're hosting this one yourself, paying for the food etc, and not asking for gifts, just some time with the people you love. You're not asking them for anything but some time together.

I sometimes feel a bit bad for my DS, we're only in contact with two of DH's siblings and one of them is abroad, so DS doesn't see his cousins or really know anyone from that side. And I'm not close to my sibling, we're very different and have never been close.

So DS is a bit alone as far as extended family is concerned and I feel sad for him because he's our only child and doesn't really have an extended family to share things with. I can understand why you might want to do something nice for your baby's cousins, even before your baby is born, to help them bond with your baby a bit and make your baby part of a group of cousins.

Hang on, OP, did you mean that you thought the children of your family would have specific questions because you’re having your baby alone?

Ah, bless you - this is something I might of tried to arrange when full of pregnancy hormones with PFB!!

Do you not have any friends who will throw you a Baby Shower? You can specify no gifts. The DC in the family don't need to be prepared and won't have any questions. It is actually you who needs to prepare and you probably have lots of questions. I found it nice to get lots of words of wisdom from my friends who were already Mothers at my Baby Shower and just a nice social and relaxing time before the craziness of birth and a newborn!

Aww, I think it was a lovely idea OP And I say that as someone who is left a bit cold by baby showers. Your idea was much nicer!

Bloody hell! The responses on here are harsh and unkind! People have parties for all sorts of reasons. I find baby showers or gender reveal parties unnecessary, but would bite my tongue and attend if that's what the other person wants. Hell, some lady married herself recently and pretty sure her family and friends went to support her. OP, I bet most of the responses on here are from experienced mums, experienced mums who've conveniently forgotten about the crazy things they said and did when it was their first. Ignore them and don't let these negative comments get you down, have a lovely party with your family and best of luck with the birth.

Just call it a baby shower and specify no gifts (although I'd be inclined to let them buy them after their miserable attitude thus far!)

It's not bizarre. It's a nice idea which joins the marmite ideas jar.

Everything I live and breathe comes from the marmite jar.

I've been laughed at, ridiculed, had so many noses turned up at, you name it.

You very obviously both wish for some celebration and excitement in lieu of an interested and excited partner to share this all with, and also wish to do something lovely for the cousins of your baby, and be able to get some pics for a memory box.

It's something I'd think of.

You learn pretty much to shelve all the ideas over the years. You can guarantee other families would happily embark on this excitement and partying. It's just unfortunately not something your family understands, and they very obviously don't realise how you feel either, going it alone.

I'd come to your party. It would be sweet.

Stuff those who have laughed or been cruel. It's really easy to see where your idea came from. I hope it all goes well. X

[quote SamiReed1]@Justme10 At the risk of getting flamed for replying again to this thread, let me just say that having it alone really doesn't change anything (and by the sound of the large family and kids she has, she isn't all alone in the world). Do you know how many single mums give birth every day? Probably hundreds in London alone. It's hardly uncommon to split from your partner while you're pregnant and then give birth. I'd say I've come across, say, 30 - to 50 on this forum alone. Being in a relationship or not doesn't alter that people are wondering what she has to "prepare" other kids for. And it sounds like she's got plenty of family and friends, per the party idea, for support post birth.
Ok, I'm out. *Grabs coat.[/quote]
You don't think being pregnant and single is lonely?

Speaking from experience I can assure you it is and changes a lot of things.
As many posters have pointed out nobody gets as excited about a baby as the parents do so when your doing it alone there is nobody to share that excitement with, talk about names with and to share what is meant to be one of the happiest times of your life never mind the worry and stress of actually raising a baby alone.

OP wanted to have a party that's it, not an offensive thing to do. And as she answered when she said 'prepared' which was probably the wrong word to use, she wasn't talking about showing the kids a birthing video or anything.

not sure the other kids care that much

Ah I feel bad for the op. Yes it was a bit much but she just wanted to feel special.

Op everyone will love the baby when they come. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel special. Your mum sounds like she tried to be really nice about it, but it was a bit of a full on request initially.

Jesus, what happened to ‘Be kind’ ???
If I were the OP I’d have probably spent the evening in tears at some of the comments on here 🙁
It may have come across as a bit naff, but for what it’s worth, I think it was from a person with a kind heart who wants her family to be involved with this baby, particularly as she’s doing it alone.

Do you know how many single mums give birth every day? Probably hundreds in London alone. It's hardly uncommon to split from your partner while you're pregnant and then give birth. I'd say I've come across, say, 30 - to 50 on this forum alone.

And? So what? That doesn't dismiss OPs situation.

. And it sounds like she's got plenty of family and friends, per the party idea, for support post birth.

Great. You tell OP how she feels again.

You're gushing with emotional intelligence aren't you.? well and truly put OP in her place. Sleep well.

@SamiReed1