To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

You absolutely should tell them 'I'm having this baby alone, I wanted to share the excitement and I am going to need all the family I can get' - this is what your plan was about, and what they are not understanding, and hopefully then they will think about what you need when they see that need x

Yanbu. It sounds lovely! Do it! It's your 1st baby and you are trying to include everyone. Congratulations OP!

I wouldn’t be celebrating until the child is safely delivered. I understand your excitement but superstitious old me would wait.

It sounds like you’ve tried to throw yourself a baby shower without calling it a baby shower and whilst it sounds like your intentions were great it’s not been received well because it’s not the ‘done’ thing and people don’t like things they don’t understand or aren’t used to.

If there are multiple other children in your family already then you’re no doubt one of many siblings/cousins to have babies so trying to do something different to what they did probably will put some noses out of joint, rather than think ‘that’s a cute idea’ they immediately think ‘well we didn’t do that for Kerry so why would you think we’d do it for you?’

Personal opinion, I’d eye roll if me and my kids were invited to a family party like this. Not because it’s not a ‘cute’ but it just sounds a bit Americanised and too much to me. But then again I’m also the parent who won’t attend a graduation ceremony until my kids are at uni nursery graduation?!? THATS NOT A THING!!

I am a cynical grump but i think you should be free to celebrate and enjoy the build up to your baby any which way you want. You are trying to do something nice - all they had to do was turn up.

Good luck with rest of your pregnancy.

I think it's a lovely idea. Even if it's for your unborn child. Your family are odd

I think this is lovely. But I think there are two kinds of people - ones who like to organise and go to things like this (little special events where no gifts are expected to mark smt nice happening) and people who don’t. Some of the people who don’t enjoy pissing all over the events, looking down on them and calling them bizarre. Various reasons for this... insecurity maybe being one.
Really? Two camps? It seems a bit simplistic to suggest people either love photo opportunity, contrived events or love pissing on people's parade.
What about the massive middle ground where people care about new arrivals and happily support people as they prepare to be a parent but don't necessarily buy into many of the inatagramable photo opportunities/yet another party for an unborn child?

I love catching up with friends and family and would enjoy a catch up before baby arrives. I'd also be a bit WTF if I was expected to get DC to play their part in various staged moments.

Maybe think about a christening or if you are not religious a baby naming party. That would be a nice way to all get together and celebrate when baby is here.

@LolaSmiles I said “some of the people who don’t enjoy pissing....”.

My comment was very **simple to understand, if you had bothered to read it!!!!

Dixiechickonhols
Thats a nice idea.
Some of my friends had naming day/dedication day for their children. It was great. It was nice to catch up.
One of my colleagues did a girls' brunch before they gave birth. It was an opportunity to have a final friendship group social before the chaos of the newborn weeks. That also sounded nice.

I,m in my 50's and when i grew up it was considered extremely bad luck to even have the pram in your home before the baby was actually here, so If your grandma and aunties are similar/older then that's probably how they feel too. People celebrated once the baby has safely arrived and not before as it was thought to be 'tempting fate'. I know that's considered old fashioned now and everyone follows American trends for baby showers and gender reveals and other stuff. Its not everyone's cup of tea I'm afraid.

@LolaSmiles

Those are the questions I wanted them to ask as I was hoping it could double up as a sex/name reveal thing but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it You're not being a dickhead and it's not that nobody cares about you having a baby.

It's just most people's level of caring about a relative's baby doesn't stretch to an event celebrating a baby that hasn't entered the world, complete with crafts for the unborn baby and what is essentially a photoshoot to make more things for the unborn baby. Dressing it up as being for the benefit of the children has only added to the WTF responses.

Families do care about people having babies (contrary to claims on here that anyone challenging staged moments must be utterly indifferent about a new arrival).
There is a huge middle ground between:
A) Not caring
B) Wanting to attend a very OTT party where the whole focus is getting photos and crafts for an unborn child.

This is exactly my thoughts.

Garden party to see everyone before baby's born. Nice.
Photo album for all the attending children to remember the occasion... definitely verging on being The First Woman Ever to Get Pregnant*.

My dc were pleased to hear each time they were having a cousin, but they wouldn't have been interested in photo albums etc. They'd probably have gone into the bin on the way back from the car. If you really want a photo wait until baby's here and get a nice one of them holding them, if they want it. Their parents will probably quite like it, and they might too.

*My BIL/SIL were the first parents in the world. They had a strop at various times because more than one of us tried to gently explain that due date wasn't an absolute date, it was an estimate. Apparently that was because the rest of the world didn't know their dates as well as they did. 🤣🤣🤣. And labour was not painful if you breathed the right way too.
When baby came 10 days late with all the pain relief they could get. and he nearly got thrown out of the ward for being abusive to the midwives Wouldn't remember that if they hadn't made such a fuss about it.

Enjoy your pregnancy/ people will be excited when the baby is there, and want to meet them (I had a cuddle with a 2 week old baby today) as long as you don't put people off by making them feel that they won't live up to your expectations.

Tbh, I would take the opportunity just to rest and prepare yourself. I can see where you're coming from but I promise, extra stress at this stage is a bad idea. Look after yourself and sleep!

I'm just clarifying here. You're due in a few weeks but wanted to reveal the gender/name approximately one week before the birth?

You can't just wait a week and call everyone from your hospital bed?

I join others who say it's probably best to tell the name after baby is born so people will not have opinions and try to get you to change it.

OTOH, I think it would be totally fine to have a party before you give birth and will have little time afterwards, especially if you are doing this on your own. Just try not to go into labor at the party, or catch Covid from anybody, especially all the children.

In the US, baby showers are hosted by a sister or female relative, or even work colleagues, not by oneself.

A word of advice; go easy on yourself and don't try to be the perfect parent with the perfect child with the perfect pictures, perfect toys, perfect bedtime routines, perfect toilet habits, with the perfect photos on Facebook/Instagram. I apologize in advance if I'm being totally inaccurate.

You sound like you might tend to perfection, which can set you up for PND.

There's such a thing as being a "good enough" parent.

Hope all goes well with the birth. Don't expect perfection there, either. If you have a "Birth plan" that might well all go to shit at any time, too. Don't be disappointed, and just aim for a healthy baby.

And lastly, Congratulations on your new little offspring.

I’m sure the kids won’t be interested at all in a baby. I honestly wouldn’t bother. It’s big thing for you but it won’t be for others.

BeardyButton
Apologies, I'd scanned your reply and got you mixed with other posters who'd been suggesting up thread that anyone objecting to the OP style events must be some awful person.

OTT and self indulgent.

It’s not up to you to answer other people’s Childrens questions either.

Very odd, would you be plastering the event all over social media too !

@reesewithoutaspoon

I,m in my 50's and when i grew up it was considered extremely bad luck to even have the pram in your home before the baby was actually here, so If your grandma and aunties are similar/older then that's probably how they feel too. People celebrated once the baby has safely arrived and not before as it was thought to be 'tempting fate'. I know that's considered old fashioned now and everyone follows American trends for baby showers and gender reveals and other stuff. Its not everyone's cup of tea I'm afraid.

Yy to the idea of 'tempting fate' by celebrating before the birth.

I have a friend who was pregnant in the 80s and when she bought her pram the shop actually wouldn't let her take it home. She to arrange delivery of it once the baby was born.

A lot of people will be uncomfortable with the idea of celebrating before the baby's safely arrived.

@LilBristow my kids would love some of those ideas - like suggesting names, asking you questions and generally the chance to play with their cousins and have a party.
Given your family's mean spirited reaction to what is a well intentioned idea I would suggest you take the money you would spend on the party and head off for a spa night or date in a nice hotel with your DP before the baby arrives.
Best of luck

OP I think you sound lovely- you haven't taken offence at the responses and defended your idea to the death- which is what most OP's do. You do seem to have some mean relatives, keep them at arms length if you can when your LO arrives, Good luck with becoming a mum

If you reveal the name you’ll just get a load of opinions you didn’t want. Plus it’s nice to have something to announce when they’re born rather then ‘they’re here’.

I think you might be disappointed by how few questions the kids will ask. Do you have a few close friends you could do a baby shower with instead? I think the family get together sounds lovely but also it sounds like you want to celebrate your first baby coming so maybe it's more to do with the people your inviting rather than the idea....even 2 for eds for an afternoon tea might make it feel more special for you lovely xx

*friends

Also people on here can be quite mean and don't always consider people back story or the fact that pregnant women tend to be highly emotional. Don't let other mean comments upset you xxx

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

I don't think its about them not being excited, it's just lots of people are superstitious and don't let to get invested until baby is here.

Of course its hard being a single parent, but you'd do better to talk to your Mom etc about that rather than this round about way.

Why are these other kids? I can see the party being nice for YOUR kids who are gaining a sibling but if there's lots of kids in the family, another baby from another aunty just isnt that exciting to the average 8 yo