To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

My nephews recently gained a new cousin (on the other side of the family). The first time they'd met her they told me what they'd done with the dog "cousin", no mention of the baby until I asked about her and then all I got was "she trumped when I was holding her".
That's how much the average child cares about new babies once they're born, let alone before they even arrive!

Hi OP, I've been one of the ones to tell you this is a crap idea blah blah. I'm sorry. Ive been thinking about it.

I do think your mum and relatives were mean. There was no reason for your mum to tell you that an aunty laughed. It would have been kinder and more supportive to gently steer you away from the original idea. She could also have agreed that it would be a lovely idea for a family get together though and maybe even get involved in the planning with you or at least just a bit of encouragment. She could have then had your back with relatives and explained it better to them. It would have saved you being so hurt.

Good luck with the baby. This time next year it will be you and baby you will have loads of lovely photos and memories for him or her to cherish.

It was a lovely idea, sorry your family (and people of mumsnet) were so rude and mean about it. I'd cancel the party now if it was me, they don't deserve you to host a nice party. Good luck with baby x

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

But there's so many ways you could do that, without going about it the way you have.

If you wanted a gender reveal or just a party that's for you (like a shower) because you are on your own and you want something where people are together, if you had told your family that, you would have likely got a very different reaction.

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

Might your family have a stigma around this??

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling alone in it. If your family knew this you’d think they’d have been happy to rally round for a party.

I think it was probably your framing of it as an opportunity to as questions/make cards/photo albums that took them by surprise and might have been better just to say let’s have a bbq/party/baby shower.

Hope you’ve picked a gorgeous name, any chance of sharing it? No worries if not of course!

I think given that your family presumably all know that you're having a baby and there's no father around to share the excitement, they could have been a bit more sensitive.

Honestly, with friends like those....

I'd invite a few close (adult) friends around for drinks and some picnic food.

Is this your first baby OP? Years from now, you will laugh at thinking this was a good idea. I'd tell your family jokingly you were having a moment, and move on to another subject.

Sorry, but 😂😂

Either have a Baby Shower/Gender Reveal party before the baby is born where you get together and the point is to find out about the baby or a "Meet the Baby" party after the birth where the kids can meet the baby, have pictures etc

You seem to be wanting the best of both types of party but it's coming across as the worst.

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

Why do you think nobody in your family will have told the children you are pregnant? Apologies if you’ve answered that and I’ve missed it?

But your family would share it with you. If you just said you wanted a bit of a baby shower thing without gifts because you're doing it alone, they'd have been there like a shot. You didnt though. You tried to frame it as doing something for their kids, and getting their kids to make stuff for your baby.

The kids dont care. The parents dont want to fr9ce their kids into doing something so twee.

The adults care. The adults would be there for you to have a little celebration. But that isnt what you asked for.

Those are the questions I wanted them to ask as I was hoping it could double up as a sex/name reveal thing but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it
You're not being a dickhead and it's not that nobody cares about you having a baby.

It's just most people's level of caring about a relative's baby doesn't stretch to an event celebrating a baby that hasn't entered the world, complete with crafts for the unborn baby and what is essentially a photoshoot to make more things for the unborn baby. Dressing it up as being for the benefit of the children has only added to the WTF responses.

Families do care about people having babies (contrary to claims on here that anyone challenging staged moments must be utterly indifferent about a new arrival).
There is a huge middle ground between:
A) Not caring
B) Wanting to attend a very OTT party where the whole focus is getting photos and crafts for an unborn child.

YANBU OP. It's not necessary to have one but it's not a call for rudeness either. The other kids in the family didn't have one because their parents didn't throw one, you are 🤷‍♀️

I think your heart is in the right place, but it is terribly odd.

Congratulations op. It sounds like you really wanted a gender reveal party/baby shower and tried to dress it up as having a party for kids who don’t even know your pregnant. It’s your first baby so you’re entitled to be super excited (and even a little bit self indulgent!) but it would’ve been a lot less weird if you just owned it, had a gender reveal or baby shower and said ‘I want to celebrate having a baby’.

I agree your family should have been a bit more sensitive.

In my opinion your idea is no different to a baby shower, just a bit less conventional so people are being weird about it. I personally wouldn’t have a baby shower or anything like one, but if you were a relative who invited to me to your party, I would attend for sure! Why not? Sounds like a good excuse to get everyone together?

I hate the idea of a baby shower because of the implication that people must bring gifts, so good on you for not calling it that.

I’d have been with all the posters saying that the kids won’t give a shit etc, if I hadn’t experienced the incredible amount of excitement shown by kids at the school where I work and even the children of neighbours and acquaintances when my baby was due and then after he was born. It took me by surprise as I was expecting indifference! So I kind of get why your family are baffled. But yes they could have been nicer about it…

Maybe call it a kid-oriented fun day on the grounds that you want to enjoy their company before your baby comes along and takes up all your attention. They really can’t object to that and you might find the kids’ reactions to your news proves your miserable relatives wrong.

@LilBristow

It wasn’t just for baby, it was to help prepare the other kids, I’m not sure if they’re even aware I’m pregnant or if they are that birth I’d very soon

I'm sorry,. but you have a misguided notion on that score. IF their parents have told them babies grow in a woman's belly, they know what's in yours.

IF small children have any questions to ask about how a baby got in your belly , or how it's going to get out, then that conversation is for their own parents, not you. Their own parents know better than you, what body-parts vocabulary their child knows and what -concepts they have of adult relationships. Explaining sex and conception and birth to children is a sensitive matter, knowing how and when and how much to say. No wonder other parents don't want you doing a public performance of Show and Tell The Facts of Life to their child.

 You're obviously hell bent on making memories for yourself and your own child. But you're not being very sensitive to the  needs of the  guests.

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

And you definitely should! Have the party, just call it a last gathering before the baby arrives and focus on spending time with people - I imagine they'll be really excited for you when the baby arrives and will be supportive and loving. But a lot of people, especially older people, are a bit bemused/not bothered by baby showers as they're a relatively new thing, and I think your framing of it might have been a bit carried away (a lot of first time mums go over the top so you're not the only one!) and they didn't really get it.

Sometimes people you love have less filter because you're close - this is a good thing a lot of the time, I rely on my sister to tell me when I'm being a bit much! But I imagine this is v hurtful if you're hormonal and pregnant and nervous for things to change, so chalk this up to them gently giving you a nudge you were being a touch OTT and just enjoy spending the time with them anyway at your party. Message everyone and say "Okay, new plan: sandwiches, cake and a catch-up (before I'm too tired to do anything when the baby's here!) at my house this weekend - would be really lovely to see you all!"

And unless you know 100% they're going to love your name, don't tell anyone before the baby's here! People have a way of being a bit mean about names when there's not a visible person to attach to it - once the baby's here and the name is done, they're less likely to go "Oh I hate the name Reginald" or whatever

What questions do you think they’ll have or need preparing for? They’ve obviously been through this before. In the nicest way, I highly doubt the kids care that much, it’s weird to ask them to make welcome baby cards.

I think this is lovely. But I think there are two kinds of people - ones who like to organise and go to things like this (little special events where no gifts are expected to mark smt nice happening) and people who don’t. Some of the people who don’t enjoy pissing all over the events, looking down on them and calling them bizarre. Various reasons for this... insecurity maybe being one.

The lovely thing about you having a baby... pretty soon you ll be able to do these things with your little person. You can make your own little traditions around birthdays and Christmas etc. And it’s very likely your child will grow up loving the fact they had a mother who did this, with lovely special memories. Maybe even doing these things with their own kids.

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

They are excited, they will be delighted to meet your little bundle when baby arrives and I guarantee you'll be inundated with visitors when baby is here.

It's just that until the baby arrives, everything else just isnt that big of a deal to everyone else and absolutely not a big deal to the other kids in the family whose biggest excitement right now is probably Minecraft and YouTube.

You misread it, and that's fine. Being a first time Mum is tough, let alone when you're doing it on your own. I promise the excitement will be there from them all when they get a squishy newborn to cuddle

In the meantime, invite your mates round and have a great time before you kiss goodbye to sleep, boobies pointing the right way and your bladder control

Bless you. It's so hard being pregnant. Your child is your absolute entire world, and yet in the nicest way possible, nobody else really cares. It's slightly better when they're here because then there is an actual baby to fuss over. My little girl is nearly a year and I still have moments where I feel like shouting out loud 'but LOOK how AMAZING she is!!!! I made her!!!!!'.... and I don't because I'm not the only person in the world to have a baby.
Is this actually because you're feeling sad nobody has organised a baby shower for you? I'm just wondering if perhaps you could ask your friends if they'd like to do a shower.

Also the crafts are a lovely idea! Much better than a load of bored kids getting up to no good or sinking into screens. Kids like doing things with adults, and they like an excuse to make tat for someone who might appreciate it. Honestly I think you have a much better understanding of what kids enjoy/are excited by than the majority of respondents to this post. You’ll be a great mum and I feel a bit sad that you’re getting such a negative reaction to what is a great idea!