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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
DeflatedGinDrinker · 10/08/2021 18:41

😂😂 sounds ridiculous

Kanaloa · 10/08/2021 18:41

It just sounds a bit over the top to me. When my kids cousins were born I said ‘you’re aunty Joanne is having a baby’ and that was pretty much it. We didn’t need a party for them to have a q&a session.

I think if someone invited me to this I’d presume they wanted gifts/cards but didn’t want to appear grabby by having a baby shower. It seems quite Instagram, like something an influencer or YouTuber might do to ‘introduce’ or ‘announce’ their baby.

Having said that, it’s an invite to a party. If they don’t want to come then ‘no thanks’ is the response they need, not laughing at you. And whoever told you your auntie laughed is clearly stirring things up a bit.

Kanaloa · 10/08/2021 18:41

Your auntie Joanne. I obviously didn’t tell my kids they were their own auntie.

Hekatestorch · 10/08/2021 18:42

@sunglassesonthetable

yep *@Hekatestorch* read it over. It's all there.

Made it up
Stealth
blah blah

Nice👍🏻

Clearly you didn't.

Why so angry, because you interpreted a comment Incorrectly?

Is wasn't meant to mean or super supportive. It was a neutral observation. That it appears she wanted a party focused on her pregnancy, but didn't feel she could. So went down this route which went down like a lead balloon.

Kanaloa · 10/08/2021 18:43

Also, most people don’t want to go to a party to have a baby’s name ‘revealed.’ It’s genuinely after they’re born that you’re told the baby is called Alfie and you say ‘ah lovely name.’

MrsLCSofLichfield · 10/08/2021 18:45

@OaxacaChihuahua

This thread is a real honey trap for cunts, isn’t it?
Quite so. Some people seem to get their kicks out of mocking and belittling others.

OP, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your baby. Whatever you get up to, have a lovely time. Flowers

Northernparent68 · 10/08/2021 18:46

The cards and banners sound like a lot of work

SpnBaby1967 · 10/08/2021 18:46

I've had 3 kids and never felt the need to prepare my own kids let alone all my nieces and nephews. Sorry OP, if you'd invited me to this and said about all the "me, me, me" focussed crafting activities etc I'd have given that a hard swerve.

A garden party sounds lovely of course, kids would love the water guns etc but I think you've got your family all Confused now with your initial description. However, I hope they can look past that and still come along & have a lovely time..

I think you just need to remember, your pregnancy and newborn is super special for you but wont be for everyone else. But as is life. But I'm sure baby will be loved and adored by all when they arrive xx

Baggingarea · 10/08/2021 18:47

God the trolls are out in full force. Ignore them OP they are just trying to get a rise.

I don't see how your party is any different than a baby shower - except you were organising and making it fun for kids! I think it's a thoughtful thing to do and a nice way to celebrate the end of your pregnancy.

If your family can't see that just invite some friends who are supportive and sod the lot of them.

logsonlogsoff · 10/08/2021 18:49

Ah, wait til your 2nd, then you'll realise they think it's so funny...

BettyBooper · 10/08/2021 18:51

Oh mate. Sorry you're getting such a hard time. Enjoy your pregnancy. You are clearly really caring and you're going to be a fab mum. Ignore the fun suckers!

BettyBooper · 10/08/2021 18:52

And I second inviting mates instead!

LoislovesStewie · 10/08/2021 18:53

Actually, my family didn't prepare much for the baby;too superstitious, the whole 'tempting fate 'thing.

NigellaSeed · 10/08/2021 18:53

I thought it sounded normal because I read it wrong and thought it was to prepare your own kids. Not sure your nieces, nephews, second cousins ect care that much.

But, that doesn't mean it wouldn't be fun. A garden party is a garden party. They are probably being miserable (but I agree it's a bit odd).

PoppenhuisStories · 10/08/2021 18:53

No they didn’t have to be so mean about it. Honestly I think it’s a bit batshit to arrange such a party but if you were my sister or cousin and you invited me I’d go along with it and indulge you. I would also encourage my DC to do the same. I had a few totally self indulgent pregnant mum to be friends, if it made them happy then fine. It is a special event for you and you only become a mum once. I’m definitely in the understated and cynical camp as far as personalities go but I think it’s a bit unfair anyone who wants to celebrate their first pregnancy gets accused of being deluded that they are the Virgin Mary... every baby is Jesus to its mother. I wouldn’t expect compassion or indulgence from randoms on the internet but you can expect it from family surely.

whynotwhatknot · 10/08/2021 18:55

So really it was a gender reveal party

TheChild · 10/08/2021 18:58

I'm not sure why the children would to be "prepared" for the arrival of the new baby? Surely if they have any questions they would just ask their parents? Sorry but if an expectant parent suggested this to me I'd probably burst out laughing too and assume you were taking the mick.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2021 18:58

*Why so angry, because you interpreted a comment Incorrectly?

Is wasn't meant to mean or super supportive. It was a neutral observation. That it appears she wanted a party focused on her pregnancy, but didn't feel she could. So went down this route which went down like a lead balloon.*

.

I understand what you were getting at @Hekatestorch from the first time. You were very clear.

I don't think I've misinterpreted. No.
Angry. Um nope.

But you're right it's not "super supportive" 🤣

ImprobablePuffin · 10/08/2021 18:59

You should have said in your first post that you wanted the kids to ask questions so that you could do a surprise sex/name reveal.

To be honest the whole thing can't really go ahead now however you try to rebrand it as there will be such a weird atmosphere given everyone's reactions.

namechangetheworld · 10/08/2021 18:59

Someone left the gate open at the arsehole farm tonight, eh?

Please ignore all of the joy sucking miseries on here. Both my children and I would love to go to something like this, it sounds like a fab idea.

User1357 · 10/08/2021 19:00

Awww I feel for you on this one. It’s your first, you’re excited and wanted to have a get together before the baby was born. Absolutely nothing wrong with that but I would have framed it as a garden party before baby comes (ie knackered).

Congrats on baby.

happydays2345 · 10/08/2021 19:00

Sounds a bit self absorbed.

Thethreecs · 10/08/2021 19:01

Oh dear, look it is a bit weird. Sorry.....

You should have just stuck to saying you were having a party for everyone and then do loads of photos.

Or you should have said it is a baby shower or gender reveal, which essentially it is. The only thing is everyone hates these parties and find them awful.

If you go ahead with the party, please leave out question and answer time for the LOs, parents won't be thankful for you answering their questions about making babies and getting them out. Please leave this up to their own parents.

It's your first baby, unfortunately not one other person in the world is or will be as excited as you, they'll be happy, delighted etc but they're not going to want to party too celebrate you being pregnant, announcing the gender, talking birds and bees.

Eralos · 10/08/2021 19:02

It’s strange you tried to do a secret gender reveal party. Also op, this is meant with kindness, adjust your expectations as you and your partner are the only ones who will really be 100% truely interested in the ins and out of your baby as everyone has their own lives going on.

Sitchervice · 10/08/2021 19:03

I think it sounds nice, like a little celebration :)