To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

@Anordinarymum I read your mean post in a whiny "we didn't get a party, stop breaking the rules" voice.

And me. And stamped my foot.

Your family will be excited when your baby is born OP and it will be lovely when people visit and send cards that you can keep and treasure.

Most people aren't remotely interested in a pregnancy party, however you dress it up, no-one savours yet another calendar event where they are expected to do ask/do/behave a certain way and where the focus of the party is not actually there!

Ad honestly do listen to people saying that no one is really terribly interested or invested in your pregnancy except you, and that's the way it is and should be. Everyone is happy for you but you are just another family member popping one out!

Good luck with everything x

Those are the questions I wanted them to ask as I was hoping it could double up as a sex/name reveal thing but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it

I don’t think you’re being a dickhead. You are perhaps being a bit naive to think all the cousins want to eagerly ask what the baby is called and make them welcome cards.

A family party would have been lovely but I can see why there isn’t general enthusiasm. The cousins seem like props.

@sunglassesonthetable 😂😂 what a miserable bunch. It's harmless to make someone happy and the kids would love a party.

Why do the kids need to be prepared? If they're anything like 99.99% of kids, their parent will say "Bristow has had a baby, she's calling it Gerald" and the kid will say "OK" and go back to watching Octonauts.

So true

I think it sounds like a nice idea. If you look at the actual votes *LilBristow, then they are much more in favour of your plan. I think it sounds much more fun than a baby shower or gender reveal party.

I'm with LJAKS about doing things after the baby is born but I think that's because I am a bit superstitious about things like that. That doesn't mean other people who don't feel that way from doing something.

However, whatever your grandma and aunties think, I don't know why they just didn't take the line that a day in the garden with a paddling pool would be fun for everyone and a chance to see you before you are busy with your new baby. As for the attitude that noone's had a baby party before, what's wrong with doing something new?

At this point, I'd turn it into a baby shower and enjoy the gifts they get to buy for your new arrival as they couldn't understand the concept first time around.

Fancy having the actual nerve to use the phrase " prepare the kids". 🙄

Water guns and party food and their cousins my kids would be lining up to "be prepared ".

Who actually cares?

If you want a gender reveal party just have one, invite your family, those that want to will come, those that don't want to come don't have to.

I don't think it's a good idea to do it by stealth.

But do be aware that some people really don't like gender reveals/baby shower type things. Each to their own.

If it was a very close friend I'd go along and smile and nod to make the mum happy.

But as you've learned, many people think this kind of thing is either cringey or unlucky. Not everyone has to want to be involved do they?

Kinell, there are a lot of joy thieves around today. What's up, weather crap around your neck of the woods?

In my view, no one who goes for the 'baby shower' thing - and FWIW that isn't my thing at all - is in any position to call OP precious, weird, or any of the other pleasantries PPs have been throwing at her. If a baby shower isn't strange, then by comparison this certainly isn't.

Coming from your own family OP this seems really churlish and mean spirited and I'm not surprised you're hurt. Of course a baby is something to celebrate. The preparation idea for kids might be overegging things a touch, but were my niece expecting and issued any such invitation I'd think she'd just got carried away and excited by her coming arrival, and would see that as a lovely thing!

Piling on the humiliation in this way is as nasty as fuck. Congratulations on your coming arrival OP and don't let any of the miserable joy-suckers erode your happiness

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP.

You tried to do something nice. They were mean about it. Regardless of whether it is usual, it would have been a nice party and there was no need to laugh and be bitchy. I’d just cancel it and have a nice time with just you and your h.

Those are the questions I wanted them to ask as I was hoping it could double up as a sex/name reveal thing but clearly nobody cares and I’m being a dickhead so I’ll just leave it

You're not being a dickhead. You just lost the run of yourself in the excitement of having a new baby. The way you described it initially does warrant an eye roll but sounds like a lovely idea (minus the card making and Q&A). However, I think your family are being total dickheads for continuing to give you a hard time. I think at this stage, if I was you, I would just cancel.

I think it’s a nice idea to have a party op but some people especially older generation me included don’t get the whole baby shower thing so that’s perhaps why .

@suspiria777

In Jewish families this is not just self-indulgent and bizarre, it's also terrible bad luck to buy, do or celebrate anything to do with a baby that has not been born.

Sadly now it seems to be the norm for modern parenting. Me, I'm happy sticking to the old way and traditions.

@sunglassesonthetable

Because the more you say the more it seems this was just you wanting a party for your pregnancy, but didn't want to say that so made up about how it was for everyone else. With games focused on your baby/pregnancy.

Jesus @Hekatestorch You're lovely aren't you.

Did i say she was wrong for wanting a party based on her pregnancy? Lots of people have showers or 'gender reveals'. It sounds like that what op wanted, but for whatever reason tried to do it this way.

Which is why I said it might have been easier for her to just say that instead of pretending it's for everyone else.

Why do the children need preparing? Is there something about your baby that they need preparing for? Auntie X is having a baby is all the preparation children need, surely?

I understand you're excited but I think wanting the whole family to come together to rejoice is... Unrealistic. Sweet, but unrealistic. Your baby is quite rightly the most important baby that's ever going to be born in the world ever, but to others, it's another child in the family. Still great, still lovely, still special, but not an event that children need preparing for and adults come together to celebrate the imminent arrival of.
Don't let their lack of enthusiasm affect how excited you are
It's still one of the biggest most important events that will happen in your life and that's what matters.

Much better to frame it as a party as it's summer and soon you won't have time for such things. And how lovely it would be to see everyone. The original premise is quite awful.

It’s great to be excited OP! And I’m sure everyone cares and is looking forward to the new arrival but remember all of those coming with their children have already had babies and they’ve not had baby parties as it’s not what’s usually done.

It’s a bit like when someone gets married and for the year before wants people to be as excited as her and come to all the dress fittings and stuff. People are still looking forward to the wedding but they have their own lives too and aren’t as interested in the run up to it.
Once your baby is born you will see that people act more interested.

Are you a single parent? Will you have support after the baby is born?

This thread is a real honey trap for cunts, isn’t it?

@georgarina

I think it's a cute idea?

Don't get why everyone is saying it's 'strange' or 'bizarre.'

Why not have a welcome baby garden party? Unless they're just asking why you're doing it before the baby's born.

Making random children of the family, so distant they 'don't even know she's pregnant', make 'welcome' cards for a baby that isn't here, and pose for photos under Welcome banners?

It's Instagram nonsense.

It's not that no one cares though is it.

Have you had a baby shower? You should've just said you're doing a baby shower.

I'm not sure what you wanted to prepare children for if they have any questions when they're not your children. This seems a bit odd IMO.

I'd be a bit if someone tried to prepare or expect DS to ask questions about their baby.

If you want to do it do it. But for the love of god don’t tell them your proposed names before you actually name the baby, they sound like the type to have “views”, i.e. immediately announce how much they hate it and it reminds them of a cruel aunt/ tragic pet/ random object or food/ horrible nickname. Keep it to yourself until you’ve at least named the baby and used it a few times, if not attended the registry office!

@OaxacaChihuahua

This thread is a real honey trap for cunts, isn’t it?

See you got caught then

yep @Hekatestorch read it over. It's all there.

Made it up
Stealth
blah blah

Nice👍🏻