To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

YABVU and utterly ridiculous to suggest that a woman with a pushchair use the toilet with the door open. Particularly given we can no longer guarantee that toilets are a single sex spaces. If there are no family toilets I always use the disabled/accessible toilet if I'm alone and have DD with me in the pushchair and I will continue to do so. I would however step aside for a disabled person to use it first if they were waiting and would never rattle the door at anyone.
You know nothing about wether either of the women had disabilities anyway so it's wrong of you to assume. One of the children could have needed assistance to toilet. Many mothers are left with awful incontinence after birth, she may have been utterly desperate and you could have really embarrassed her.
Anyone can buy a radar key off the internet anyway.

[quote Fragile40]@Worrysaboutalot I sympathise and completely agree with you. I had a similar rant to DH tonight, disabled loo busy- presumably hidden disability BS. I have Chrohns I get it to and extent but I don’t need a large space for a wheelchair end off. My daughter is wheelchair user and I took her onto the normal loos today and couldn’t fit her in the cubicle, we then went into the baby change that has a loo and because of her chair she couldn’t reach the sink. Those with hidden disability might fancy the luxury of privacy but they don’t need drip down rails, wheelchair space, low sinks etc. Does my head in and as for autism the same, sorry it’s stressful but it’s fucking stressful when someone able bodied isn’t in the accessible loo, my daughter can’t use any other loo and they can. That’s the difference, it’s just a BS way of saying they are more important than wheelchair users. It’s the same with disabled parking.[/quote]
My son has no physical disabilities, but he has severe autism and learning disabilities, and until recently was in pull ups hes eleven, it wouldnt be immediately apparent if you met us in passing, but i would use the disabled loo if he needed changing, that said as i said up thread i think there needs to be more "changing places",
available.

If the mums in question wrote to the aquarium about the lack of accessible family toilets, what do you think they would say? They would say 'use the accessible toilets already there'. The disabled ones would find themselves rebranded as 'accessible' pdq.

@Fragile40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My son also has a blue badge so yes we will use a disabled space that he is entitled to use, we also have a mobility car due to him having severe mental impairment, its not just wheel chair users that are entitled to these facilities.

@Fragile40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My daughter has autism she is in nappies and too big for changing tables how am i expected to change her nappy in a toilet cubical? Its not aboit the luxury of privacy its about the space to he able to lay her down on a floor

We also have a blue bagde and i will use that as she is rightfully able to

I have IBD and would genuinely shit myself sometimes if a toilet wasn't immediately available. I don't care which toilet, and I've used disabled / men's / baby change many times. When I'm about to shit myself with my son in the buggy, I would absolutely use the disabled toilet. Quite often the accessible toilet is also the baby change, too. Toilet facilities in this country are generally pretty dire, but there's no fucking way I am leaving the door open whilst I sit for an hour and loudly and painfully lost bowel control. Especially if I've got my kid with me!!

One argument could be that it actually isn't a "Disabled" toilet it's an "Accessible" toilet.

So if for any reason, not just disability, you are unable to access the usual toilets, you are free to use these ones. Having a pram means you can't access the small cubicle and need more space, therefore you are not abusing the facilities if you use them for this reason

Definitely do not judge on looks . My grandson needs disabled toilet . But you would not know if you looked at him

@LammasFires

If parents want better facilities campain for them don’t leave others struggling

But that’s harder than just taking stuff that’s already there.

The purpose built public loos near me has a proper family toilet which has babychange, loo, and space for a double buggy to get through the door. There is a separate radar key entry accessible toilet. In an ideal world that’s how all toilets should be but it takes space which many older buildings don’t have.

Back in the day we used to wheel the pushchair into the women's toilets and leave it outside the cubicle we were in. Never heard of a child being stolen from inside the ladies while it's mum was having a pee

Saying that , when my oldest was born you had to fold your pushchair to get on a bus

OP your not unreasonable to ask the aquarium to put radar.lock on the toilet

My 10 year old has a non obvious disability and needs to be accompanied in the toilet. I'm a single mum so no DH/DP to take him. Look at other threads on the subject of boys in women's toilets to see how taking him in with me would end.

Re the door rattling - the vacant/occupied indicators are notoriously unreliable and whereas in normal cubicles you can ususally hear/see if it's occupied, it's often not the case for the disabled loo. I've stood like an idiot more than once waiting for an empty loo to become free as I've been too British to try the door.

@Jerima

One argument could be that it actually isn't a "Disabled" toilet it's an "Accessible" toilet.

So if for any reason, not just disability, you are unable to access the usual toilets, you are free to use these ones. Having a pram means you can't access the small cubicle and need more space, therefore you are not abusing the facilities if you use them for this reason

And that’s why I hate the “accessible” label.

If you have a child in a pram with some planning yes you can use the normal toilets. Or you can find out where the family toilets are where you are going. Hey you could even campaign for better family Facilties

For those with disabilities though this will be the ONLY toilet they can access. The nature of many disabilities means that they will very understandably take a lot longer in the toilets than an able bodied person would. Many people with disabilities also have urgency related issues. These two factors alone clash without adding in people without disabilities using them.

Many disabled toilets are sadly still unacessible to A lot of disabled people. Arguing they are accessible for anyone who can’t be arsed to find an alternative makes it even worse

Not able disabled people have physical ailments. I suffer terribly with IBS to the point today I ran to the toilet with my dc lucky they was no one in the toilet at the time but if I had of needed to I would have used the disabled loo as it stands my dc stood outside the door but were old enough to do so its complete debilating when the urgency comes.

The equalities act requires businesses to provide accessible toilet facilities. So not specific to disabled people. If you need the loo you need the loo and sometimes you can't wait. I am a blue badge holder and will happily use the standard toilet block or the accessible toilet depending on my needs at that point. If I'm honest I think the situation could be remedied by provided better child friendly loos. Baby change loos in supermarkets being a good example.

If you have a child in a pram with some planning yes you can use the normal toilets. Or you can find out where the family toilets are where you are going.l

Family toilets are a fairly new thing and aren't in many places. Why should single parents be limited?

There are some toilets where you cannot get the pram into the toilet block.

Hey you could even campaign for better family Facilties

I have and will keep doing this. But it doesn't magic up a toilet when you're out.

@CustardCreamm

I have twins and there is no way I'd be able to go into the normal toilet cubicles with my double pram. I always have to use the disabled toilet but that's the way it is and i don't feel bad about it. I think you're being very unreasonable to suggest using the toilet with the door open and the pram propped in front of the door, mothers are humans too believe it or not!

Whilst we're on the subject, maybe disabled users could stop using parent and child parking spaces?

Of course disabled people can use p&c spaces which are there as a courtesy and not a legal requirement. You can fuck off with your grin.

@Buttons294749

I have done the door open thing and I have terrible IBS so I don't have a side to argue, but realistically women won't be able to insert tampons etc with a whole load of strangers/potentially male people able to see. Especially true for women who are devoutly religious and not comfortable with public nudity.

Realistically the thing to be annoyed about is the lack of parent friendly loos. Where I live they have AMAZING parent and child loos and it makes such a difference.

Why would male people be in the women's toilet? Cleaners usually shout a warning first.

You don't realise how little public toilets cater for women until you have a baby in double pram, a potty training toddler and a pelvic floor that's seen better days. Not ideal using disabled toilets, but frequently there is no other choice.

YABU
firstly, you have no idea of her circumstances and why she needed to use that toilet other than she had a pram with her.

Secondly, if the disabled toilet is empty then she should be free to use it.
Yes it is designated for disabled people but the female toilets are for females only but I wouldn’t begrudge a women bringing her young son in with her as there are exceptions to the rules.

When I had my eldest dinner the 1990s, family toilets were few and far between . And yes, leaving the pram by the end toilet and door ajar did happen
World had changed by the time the last one came along!

This is mumsnet OP. A bigger bunch of entitled ladies you will never meet. They are entitled to use disabled toilets freely, while us folk with disabled, wheelchair using children can jolly well wait until our children (who often can't wait) wet themselves. Their toddlers who can't queue as they urgently need to go 'immediately use disabled toilets, and if the parents don't fancy joining the queues and there is a disabled toilet open and not Radar protected, they of course can use it.

Thank heavens the new changing places toilets are always locked.

Women are allowed to bring young male children in to the ladies until they reach a certain age. So no, you wouldn't begrudge them something they're allowed to do, obviously.
Able bodied people using the disabled loo however is a selfish thing to do.