To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

I think this thread highlights that there simply isn't enough options for everyone's situations at large attractions and this needs to change.
Disabled toilets should not be there to be used by anyone who struggles with using a normal cubicle but that means facilities need to start building family accessible toilets with changing facilities for all age groups. And provide multiple of both disabled and family friendly options.
Until this happens this scenario is going to be the norm, even though it shouldn't be.

@Ttbhappy

Cut women with buggies some slack it's difficult as the normal toilets are too small.

Whereas being disabled is oh so easy

Yes I’ve had to leave the door open so I can see the pram. Takes minutes. I’d rather do that then someone potentially soil themselves because they can’t access a toilet

This.

The other point that used to be made is that for women with small children, it’s an inconvenience for a couple of years.
For the disabled, it’s all the time for your entire life. A constant battle.

OP you are VERY VERY UNREASONABLE.
Not all disabilities are visible.
And no mum with pram should lose her dignity to go to toilet.
You have lost my respect when you said she should leave the toilet door open.

So you wanted to use the toilet, but no one else?

@VaccineSticker

OP you are VERY VERY UNREASONABLE. Not all disabilities are visible. And no mum with pram should lose her dignity to go to toilet. You have lost my respect when you said she should leave the toilet door open.

Yet disabled people should lose their dignity while waiting to be able to get into the only suitable toilet for their needs.

If parents want better facilities campain for them don’t leave others struggling

This is a very interesting thread.

I originally thought yanbu because people shouldn’t be using disabled loos unless they really genuinely need to. However, as others have said, you don’t know who does and doesn’t have a disability.

You also lost me at the bit about using the loo with the door open. That’s just not on. I have done it before when my Dd was a baby, but it’s really humiliating and undignified.

The reality is that people have also campaigned for family and other accessible loos, there just wasn’t one at this facility. I also really agree with the poster who dislikes it when there’s a baby change with no toilet there - just why?

The reality is that this place - like many others - didn’t have enough facilities for it’s customer base . Not enough to accommodate both families and disabled people, and it should have.

@LammasFires

The other point that used to be made is that for women with small children, it’s an inconvenience for a couple of years. For the disabled, it’s all the time for your entire life. A constant battle.

So someone that has a sickness bug should just shit themselves in a queue rather than rush to the empty disabled accessible loo?

Ah this is such a tricky one. So sorry you had to wait and then then had the handle rattled. Horrible.

But I have to admit I have used the disabled loo myself occasionally. I have a double pram for my twins and it sometimes won’t even go through the doorway of the ladies toilets. I really try to avoid doing this but if I’m bursting there’s just no other choice. I always try to be as quick as possible to not hold up a disabled person who might need the loo. Luckily I’ve never seen anyone waiting when I’ve come out

She shouldn’t have rattled the door handle though. That was really rude. The only thing was perhaps that she wasn’t sure if it was locked or she’d just failed to work out how to open in? But I’m probably clutching at straws there, as you kind of know when someone is rattling impatiently as opposed to checking if they’ve just been going about it the wrong way.

If parents want better facilities campain for them don’t leave others struggling

But that’s harder than just taking stuff that’s already there.

Who is the ‘everyone else’ who uses public toilets with the door open and the pram in the doorway? I’ve honestly never seen anyone do this in my life.

In the real world every mum uses the disabled loo, I have only heard of peeing with the door open on Mumsnet. If I saw someone doing it in real life I would think they were a bit nuts given there is a loo big enough that if free the vast majority of the time.

@LammasFires

If parents want better facilities campain for them don’t leave others struggling

But that’s harder than just taking stuff that’s already there.

Exactly, and then those living with disabilities are the bad ones for not welcoming everyone to use the only option for them with open arms.

People who have invisible disabilities often need to use the disabled toilets for different reasons. Just because you feel your daughter needs it more doesn’t mean she does. It’s unfortunate but sometimes you need to wait, and it’s really offensive and insensitive to refer to invisible disabilities as ‘bs.’

*is

Sorry that was a response to @Fragile40. It’s quite ignorant to presume that because you don’t need a disabled toilet that nobody with an invisible disability does.

If i have my pram I use disabled loo if no change facilities. Or. One of our baby facilities doesn't have a loo

No way am I going to loo with door open with pram and also a 3yr old who would prob try to escape.
And the same place the loo cubicles (3 in there) all face the door entrance.. No one wants to see that!

I've never seen anyone use the toilet with the door open and the pushchair outside the door.

I don't remember using a disabled toilet just so that I could take the pushchair in with me- only if I was using the changing table in there too. But I do remember using them a few times when I've needed to take both of my children in, as it's impossible to fit three of us in an ordinary cubicle and there's no way I'd have left either of them outside the cubicle alone when they were little.

It's absolutely not fair that a disabled person should have to wait for the toilet because it's being used by someone without a disability (unless it's a changing facility too) but I also don't think it's fair to expect anyone to use the toilet with the door open. There should be family cubicles big enough for a pushchair!

You sound like you are very ignorant about autism hun. I would do some research so as not to come across as so unpleasant

@Kanaloa

People who have invisible disabilities often need to use the disabled toilets for different reasons. Just because you feel your daughter needs it more doesn’t mean she does. It’s unfortunate but sometimes you need to wait, and it’s really offensive and insensitive to refer to invisible disabilities as ‘bs.’

I agree.

This shouldn’t be about stopping those with disabilities who need to use the disabled toilet bit about stopping those who use it because they can’t be bothered to wait or find a suitable toilet.

Ds is a part time wheelchair user but with or without that he is a 12 year old who needs help when toileting so we have no choice but to use the disabled toilets.

Even then if I need to go when I am out alone with him I feel guilty for using the disabled toilet (only ever when he needs to go too) and I get the very dignified experience of using the toilet in front of my 12 year old as he needs full 1-1! Generally I just don’t drink when I am out with him and no other adult to try to avoid having to go.

@JaggedLittlePilI I'm super fast at weeing though Me too!

@54321nought

YABU because many people with disabilities can't get radar keys, and many people without disabilities can.

YA also BU for many other reasons, but for that one, certainly

You can buy radar keys for 3 quid on eBay. You’d be surprised at how many people who are visibly disabled with wheelchairs / walking aids who don’t have a key. I work as a toilet attendant (oh the glamour) and I often tell people about the radar scheme, when I’m unlocking the door for them or their relatives. The local GP tells people to buy their keys off eBay as it’s faster. People do take advantage though as half the people who use the accessible loo are bus drivers some days (stagecoach gives them to all their drivers saves them having to organise or pay for toilet facilities).

The general policy though is to let people use the toilet that works best for them. So if you have a buggy the accessible loo would be better as it’s downstairs. Ladies is up a flight of stairs.

The crossover with changing facilities doesn't help. People get used to "having" to use the disabled toilet to change babies and then probably just go in assuming there's a baby change in there.

Changing facilities without a toilet in are the worst. Just what is the point?! (Yes I know occasionally you only need to change them but most of the time you go to the toilet at the same time).