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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

999 replies

Worrysaboutalot · 09/08/2021 20:27

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out Grin

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

OP posts:
ColdandFrosty1 · 09/08/2021 23:05

Please don't feel you have let your kids down in any way or that it is your fault you can't do things, because it isn't! They are so resilient and most of the time only care about spending time with you and that's what's important. I know the feeling though, I have a disability which means I can't take my son to lots of fun days out/activities that I know he'd love and the guilt eats me up some days. But when I see how excited he got when he saw the sunflower we'd been growing all summer had bloomed, I realised its not the trips out and adventures that matters but the time spent together doing simple things also makes him just as happy. I have to admit I'm guilty of using the disabled toilet with the pushchair mainly because it's easier but I will definitely be more mindful in the future. Sending hugs

Sirzy · 09/08/2021 23:08

@Jubilate

You don't realise how little public toilets cater for women until you have a baby in double pram, a potty training toddler and a pelvic floor that's seen better days. Not ideal using disabled toilets, but frequently there is no other choice.
You don’t realise how much public toilets don’t cater for those who are disabled until your father has an accident because he can’t get into the only accessible toilet because it’s in use.

The answer to other groups access problems shouldn’t be “use the disabled facilities even though they are very limited to start with”

MulberrySquash · 09/08/2021 23:08

In the last two weeks I've had comments and funny looks when using disabled toilets. I have MS and am fully entitled to use them. I may have also been pushing a buggy...

Kendodd · 09/08/2021 23:09

So someone that has a sickness bug should just shit themselves in a queue rather than rush to the empty disabled accessible loo?

I've heard disabled people saying they would rather people shit themselves in the street than use the disabled.

MichelleScarn · 09/08/2021 23:09

@Disneycharacter

This is mumsnet OP. A bigger bunch of entitled ladies you will never meet. They are entitled to use disabled toilets freely, while us folk with disabled, wheelchair using children can jolly well wait until our children (who often can't wait) wet themselves. Their toddlers who can't queue as they urgently need to go 'immediately use disabled toilets, and if the parents don't fancy joining the queues and there is a disabled toilet open and not Radar protected, they of course can use it.

Thank heavens the new changing places toilets are always locked.

Do you not like it here then? Odd to be a member of a forum you are so scathing of!
SingingInTheShithouse · 09/08/2021 23:13

YANBU at all. Email & ask & explain your difficulties

Quite shocking how many posters on here are seemingly very ignorant about disability & toilet use & that waiting might not be an option for a disabled person or someone with chrohns etc Hmm

DdraigGoch · 09/08/2021 23:14

YANBU OP, I work on public transport and often encounter people with prams who feel entitled to the wheelchair space. I get so much abuse when asking them to fold them down. They chose to have kids, you didn't choose to be in a wheelchair.

alltheemptyfields · 09/08/2021 23:15

people with prams who feel entitled to the wheelchair space

I am not sure that falls into the same category as someone who needs to use the toilets.

SingingInTheShithouse · 09/08/2021 23:16

In the last two weeks I've had comments and funny looks when using disabled toilets. I have MS and am fully entitled to use them. I may have also been pushing a buggy...

In which case where is your issue. If it's a radar key loo, you still get to use it 🤷‍♀️

XenoBitch · 09/08/2021 23:17

@Kendodd

So someone that has a sickness bug should just shit themselves in a queue rather than rush to the empty disabled accessible loo?

I've heard disabled people saying they would rather people shit themselves in the street than use the disabled.

Just sounds like more divisive "us and them". You don't need to be "proven" disabled to need the disabled loos. I have rushed into one before, because I was about to chuck up my stomach contents.
shas19 · 09/08/2021 23:17

Would be a lovely sight changing a tampon or pad whilst you have people looking in the mirror or something. No thanks. Also alot of baby change bathrooms dont have a toilet so disabled is the only option

TableFlowerss · 09/08/2021 23:19

YABU. If there’s no family changing/toilet, the mother was on her own, what on earth is she supposed to do? I certainly wouldn’t leave a new born outside the toilet and neither would I piss/chance my tampon with door ajar.

Sirzy · 09/08/2021 23:20

@alltheemptyfields

people with prams who feel entitled to the wheelchair space

I am not sure that falls into the same category as someone who needs to use the toilets.

It does. They still aren’t disabled and therefore shouldn’t use the disabled facilties
cheeseandpickle12 · 09/08/2021 23:21

you can get a radar key for £2 online. not going to make a huge difference if people want to use it they will find a way

Sirzy · 09/08/2021 23:21

@shas19

Would be a lovely sight changing a tampon or pad whilst you have people looking in the mirror or something. No thanks. Also alot of baby change bathrooms dont have a toilet so disabled is the only option
Whereas someone soiling themselves because they can’t get into the only toilet available to them is oh so dignified.
Sirzy · 09/08/2021 23:22

Is it any wonder that so many people struggle to even leave the house when something as simple as using a toilet is such an issue thanks to the million and one reasons able bodied people find to use it!

PurpleMustang · 09/08/2021 23:23

Have i just read your update right? You will no longer visit the aquarium because you can't guarantee a human maybe using it the second you need it? What if you get there, try the door and low and behold a disabled person is in there? I really do not understand this. I have NEVER used a toilet with door open when I had a pram or a buggy. I used a larger corner one or a disabled one. If a toilet is free why can it not be used by able people who wants to use a toilet if no one in the queue is disabled. If someone in the queue had a visible disability or a pram when someone came out of the disabled toilet I would obviously go and hold the door open to make their life easier as they need it over me and I can wait, I wouldn't demand to use it and make them wait. I don't know how this got such an issue, I see it like the bus seats. OK to use but if someone NEEDS it be prepared to move, let them in front.

shas19 · 09/08/2021 23:24

Okay but works the same way if all the non disabled toilets are in use and you need to go. I will never leave a door open or my child outside because someone is pissed off that someone else cant use a toilet because there arent any available.

Bluejeanjen · 09/08/2021 23:25

I’m shocked how many on here think the OP is unreasonable. It’s a DISABLED toilet for DISABLED people. It’s not for mums who happen to have a pram with them. That’s unfortunate but tough. We’ve all had to do it. It’s just the way it is. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use the disabled toilet any more than it does if all the “mother and child” parking is full. Get a grip people and leave the disabled loo for disabled people!

Mustreadabook · 09/08/2021 23:25

Using the toilets with none walking twins in a buggy is a nightmare. It's not always possible to get a double buggy into the toilet block never mind the cubicle. Carrying one in each arm while using the loo isn't possible. Letting them crawl/sit on the floor in the cubicle isn't going to happen. So yes, I would use the disabled cubicle.

Sirzy · 09/08/2021 23:25

Having children isn’t a disability. Therefore it’s a reason to use disabled toilets no matter how many ways you try to justify it.

Sirzy · 09/08/2021 23:26

@Bluejeanjen

I’m shocked how many on here think the OP is unreasonable. It’s a DISABLED toilet for DISABLED people. It’s not for mums who happen to have a pram with them. That’s unfortunate but tough. We’ve all had to do it. It’s just the way it is. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use the disabled toilet any more than it does if all the “mother and child” parking is full. Get a grip people and leave the disabled loo for disabled people!
Exactly
Meatshake · 09/08/2021 23:29

Was this Weymouth? By the playground and coffee shop? The first one might have been me. I have autism and tend to have reduced sensory messages so when I need to go it can be urgent. My daughter (4) likely has sensory processing disorder although undiagnosed, she also struggles with the noise of the hand dryers.

alltheemptyfields · 09/08/2021 23:30

@Sirzy

Having children isn’t a disability. Therefore it’s a reason to use disabled toilets no matter how many ways you try to justify it.
again, when there's no other way, what else do you suggest people do? Not go out?

Just because a baby is a choice doesn't mean you have implicitly chosen to pee or bleed in public Confused
Everyone deserves respect.

Sirzy · 09/08/2021 23:32

Everyone other than those who are disabled it seems who just have to accept that anyone else who thinks they are more important will use the only toilet they can physically access.