To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

It would be SUPER awesome if we could somehow not bring the trans debate into this -it's already completely hijacked the feminism boards, please leave AIBU alone.

But they aren’t willing to do anything to change it and aren’t willing to appreciate the issue that causes for people.

The whole attitude from many posters is they are accessible for anyone when that isn’t the intention. You really seem to be deliberately misunderstanding the difficulties caused to many disabled people by poor access which includes overused

@Sirzy

But they aren’t willing to do anything to change it and aren’t willing to appreciate the issue that causes for people.

The whole attitude from many posters is they are accessible for anyone when that isn’t the intention. You really seem to be deliberately misunderstanding the difficulties caused to many disabled people by poor access which includes overused

I'm not deliberately misunderstanding, at all. I'm simply acknowledging the other side of the issue and the practicalities of there being no suitable alternative for parents with prams as it currently stands. That leaves us in the same situation no matter how long we debate the moral rights and wrongs back and forth - there still remains a very practical problem. And this isn't the fault of either disabled people nor parents with prams. It's the fault of the premises and businesses that do not provide for all their customers' needs sufficiently.

But as has been said parents answer isn’t “right let’s fight for more” it’s “we will use what disabled people have fought for and if they are not happy they can fight some more”

Unless people complain to places things won’t change.

@Justrealised but there not just for disabled people are they? Hence why staff are telling mothers to take prams in, hence why they have baby changing facilities installed within them. I really don’t know why this is so difficult for you to understand! Accessible toilets aren’t owned by the disabled they’re for people who are unable to access the standard stalls…like a mother who’s pram doesn’t fit in I really can’t believe some would deprive a mother of having a quick wee just incase a disabled person comes along and has to wait all of a couple of minutes to go next

@Sirzy

I've already said that I will ask ahead at places I go to over the next few weeks to see what they provide in terms of baby changing / toilets for parents with prams. If they tell me there's no separate provision and I should use the disabled toilet, I'll ask them if they're aware of the issues that might be creating. I'll report back in terms of responses I get. In the meantime, there are no other options. If I go out with my baby, I need to use the toilet safely (for both me and my baby) and with privacy.

And no I wasn’t talking about trans women there’s many toilets that are accessed by both sexes as they have individual cubicles within and some posters are telling mothers to use those with the door open! Beyond unsafe in my opinion

If you complain they don’t run out the back and drag a suitable toilet out. You can mention that there is not enough in the way of accessible facilities whilst still needing to use a toilet suitable at that particular time.

And in the example mentioned a couple of pages ago the lady was changing/feeding her baby in a baby change toilet. It isn’t right that it was also a disabled toilet but that’s the facility that was provided - if the lady complained she would have been told the aquarium did in fact offer a baby change toilet, which she was entitled to use.

[quote Winemewhynot]@TheFairyCaravan

Yeah so selfish to not want to leave my child unattended or piss in public. How dare I think I have a right to privacy and safety? How entitled to use an accessible toilet when told to by staff. I’m having a wee not taking up official residency there 🙄🙄🙄[/quote]
Yes you are selfish because you said that if you campaigned for more family toilets your kids would be strapping teenagers by the time they were implemented, so you’d carry on using disabled toilets instead.

You don’t care one iota about the difficulties disabled people face. You, and others on the thread, don’t care about the added difficulties you’re causing us by being selfish and entitled in your actions. We’ll never change you because, sadly, some people just can’t be educated.

@Kanaloa

If you complain they don’t run out the back and drag a suitable toilet out. You can mention that there is not enough in the way of accessible facilities whilst still needing to use a toilet suitable at that particular time.

Yes, exactly. You can express to staff that this isn't ideal and make a complaint whilst still needing to use the toilet in that moment. It's not a need that can wait unfortunately.

Yes you are selfish because you said that if you campaigned for more family toilets your kids would be strapping teenagers by the time they were implemented, so you’d carry on using disabled toilets instead.

I know this wasn't aimed at me but.. whilst the policy takes it time to be implemented via government, what do you propose parents with prams do exactly? Just wet / soil themselves? Leave the baby unattended? wee with the door open so we can see the pram? I mean, which one of these should we do? Or never leave the house at all? I'm just a little unclear on what the plan of action is between now and our babies being teens.

I feel like people are talking about what people THINK others are saying than what they actually said.

So, just to clarify - is there anyone here aside from OP who believes that someone who is out in public with a child, or multiple children, who isn't disabled but who doesn't have the ability to use the toilet while simultaneously holding a wiggly infant or a wiggly infant and a toddler, should genuinely pee, shit, or change their tampon with the stall door open (or just... piss themselves, I guess?) rather than use the accessible facilities?

Anyone? Don't be shy. Does anyone really, in their heart, think this?

@wroxie

Well, that’s what ‘everyone else’ apparently does. With the pram in the toilet doorway no less, so you’re extra visible. Another thought would be to find a stranger and have them look after your children while you’re in the loo. Or for convenience perhaps carry a potty around under the pram and just plop it down in the middle of Marks & Spencer and empty it out the window.

@Kanaloa 😂

@Kanaloa

Don't forget the suggestion of just leaving your infant child in their pram outside the door so you can enjoy your wee in private (and hope your baby is still there when you come out - I mean, it's a gamble but such is life🤷‍♀️)

@TheFairyCaravan

Thanks for the personal insult but can’t say I’d expect anything better given how you’ve acted on this thread 😂 so I will continue to use the facilities my child requires, as her safety and well-being in my priority, not you or your opinion.

@sofiegiraffe

Don’t be daft, what you do is find a lovely stranger to watch the baby. Or just take them out of your designer pram and lie them on the McDonald’s bathroom tiles.

"Or just take them out of your designer pram and lie them on the McDonald’s bathroom tiles."

Or take your child out of their wheelchair and lie them on the floor to change them. Except you can't because someone thinks it's a feeding room.

I know this wasn't aimed at me but.. whilst the policy takes it time to be implemented via government, what do you propose parents with prams do exactly?

You obviously either leave your child in danger or expose yourself in a public bathroom. Whatever you do don’t dare go in the accessible toilet that staff advice you! God forbid you go in an empty accessible toilet as every time a mother and baby does that a puppy is kicked

@Wroxie

Yes. I've been starving my children and I so we lose enough weight to make sure we are small enough to all cram into a single toilet.

Don't get me wrong, it's tough when they are begging for food, but needs just

Who’s feeding babies in toilets?! Yuk poor baby and mother feeling forced to do that

@Winemewhynot

Who’s feeding babies in toilets?! Yuk poor baby and mother feeling forced to do that

A lot of baby change facilities have feeding chairs to sit on, so by default you're in there with the toilet as well. It's grim. But needs must sometimes if there's nowhere else to sit and feed and baby is screaming.

[quote Kanaloa]@sofiegiraffe

Don’t be daft, what you do is find a lovely stranger to watch the baby. Or just take them out of your designer pram and lie them on the McDonald’s bathroom tiles.[/quote]

Silly me. Of course.

@sofiegiraffe really I’ve never seen that! Sad the mum doesn’t feel confident to feed in public, but unfortunately there’s a lingering stigma even when it’s a little newborn!