To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

Yanbu to feel annoyed about the door handle being rattled but yabvu for thinking parents with prams should use the toilet with the door wide open. If I'm out alone with my 6 month old and 5 year old I try to use family toilet if not then I will use the disabled I'm not comfortable with leaving kids of such a young age alone especially at busy places.

@Worrysaboutalot

I’m not a wheelchair user and I don’t currently have DC at the age of requiring a pram, so no skin in the game. My heart goes out to you and I understand why you feel the way you do. Please take heart that you’ll be raising children who will understand and be empathetic towards people with additional needs which is a positive thing.

@Mickarooni

I wasn’t going by basic maths, but by what op said. She waited for one person, then accessed the toilet. That’s hardly her being denied the toilet.

And if I’m going to be totally honest, I think people saying ‘I’m in floods of tears, you have denied me the ability to go out, I am clearly worthless and will stay home forever’ are just trying to guilt trip people who have disagreed with them. It’s basically ramping up an emotional reaction because really nothing much had happened. At this attraction the op was able to access suitable facilities. They were not being taken over by mothers with prams, she used them.

It’s much easier to deal with a child or two in the disabled toilet than trying to manoeuvre two, three or more bodies in one tiny regular person’s cubicle.
Try sitting a two year old on the loo, then try to pull her pants up then sit the four year old on the loo, then do your own wee all in a tiny cubicle whilst trying to stop one of the kids unlock the door whilst you take your own wee. It’s not easy. A larger disabled loo helps a bit.

Disabled loos are for disabled people, but not exclusive to disabled people. It’s a benefit to mums too.

I guess you don’t mind people treating you different because you’re in a wheelchair but lots of people in your circumstances try to be ‘normal’ (forgive my word choice, I can’t think of a better alternative. But I’d love to know how you would manage if you wasn’t in a wheelchair and needed to take two or three little children for a wee.

JFC, a lot of people are selfish and entitled! No, of course you don't use the toilet for disabled people if you're not disabled. Find another solution and be glad you're able to do so. Mumsnet has really changed!

@pucelleauxblanchesmains

Absolutely do not understand - and I'm going to have to do my I Am Disabled disclaimer so I don't get yelled at - the point of starting a thread in AIBU if when people inevitably disagree with you, you move on to "I'll never go out again, goodbye, enjoy my toilet". That doesn't suggest to me you were ever open to the possibility of being U and also comes across slightly bizarrely.

Agree

www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/solipsistic

Had to look this one up. 😬

[quote Kanaloa]@Mickarooni

I wasn’t going by basic maths, but by what op said. She waited for one person, then accessed the toilet. That’s hardly her being denied the toilet.

And if I’m going to be totally honest, I think people saying ‘I’m in floods of tears, you have denied me the ability to go out, I am clearly worthless and will stay home forever’ are just trying to guilt trip people who have disagreed with them. It’s basically ramping up an emotional reaction because really nothing much had happened. At this attraction the op was able to access suitable facilities. They were not being taken over by mothers with prams, she used them.[/quote]
I agree if someone said “I’m in floods of tears” over a post about not attending a wedding but this is about a life changing disability and incontinence. I don’t know what it’s like to be the OP but it sounds really hard and I think she should be cut some slack.

It’s a difficult situation. Once in a shopping centre when I had my dc in a buggy, I decided my only option was to go to the toilet with the door open. Surely that’s not what you want for lone mums with prams?

Instead of asking for the disabled toilet to be radar keyed, why don’t you ask for more facilities to be installed? All they can say is no.

@Kanaloa

Nobody has said op can’t go out though. She literally had to wait for one person to use the toilet in front of her then could access a suitable toilet for her needs.

And the melodramatic ‘I’ll just stay in forever, you all win’ is just silly. OP went for a day out, accessed a toilet she was able to use, then wanted everyone to agree that she should be able to stop others from using it.

OP I’m sorry things are so difficult for you. Hopefully you have some support in real life, I don’t think anyone is suggesting you shouldn’t go out.

I agree

Serious question, how do all the people arguing mums should be able to use disabled toilets freely feel about disabled parking spaces? If you’re in a carpark and you can’t find another free spot, do you think it’s fine to take the only disabled spot? If not, why are disabled toilets different?

Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the reason that disabled toilets had been renamed “accessible” toilets was to acknowledge that some disabilities are hidden (since some people think disabled means a wheelchair user) not because anyone who wants to can use them.

Toilets are different to car parks because one of them is necessary and the other isn’t. You don’t need to park your car but you need to expel waste. I would have thought that much was clear.

I have a blue badge. I got bawled out for using a parent and child space when all the other blue badge spaces were full. The supermarket concerned only had two disabled spaces and they were full.

@IceandIndigo

Serious question, how do all the people arguing mums should be able to use disabled toilets freely feel about disabled parking spaces? If you’re in a carpark and you can’t find another free spot, do you think it’s fine to take the only disabled spot? If not, why are disabled toilets different?

Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the reason that disabled toilets had been renamed “accessible” toilets was to acknowledge that some disabilities are hidden (since some people think disabled means a wheelchair user) not because anyone who wants to can use them.

Car parking isn't essential. A toilet is.

@Worrysaboutalot I had a sneaky suspicion you might be CEV and risking it for the sake of DC. I know you probably won't see this and I completely understand why you'd leave this thread, but just wanted to send some love and support. There are people who 'get it', I promise! 

@Kanaloa Read my posts. You are still misrepresenting my opinion, and at this point I can only think you are doing so out of malice. I am requesting that you stop making false claims about what I've said.

I have never and would not use a disabled parking space because I don't have a blue badge.
No one working at a supermarket would have told me to use one either.

They are a legally restricted space and there are alternatives provided.
This is a different situation to accessible toilets.

@Innocenta if you were behind me in a queue for the disabled toilet. And I don’t use a chair but you do. Would you expect to go in front of me?

@Lumpwoody

I have a blue badge. I got bawled out for using a parent and child space when all the other blue badge spaces were full. The supermarket concerned only had two disabled spaces and they were full.

I have had that when out with DS.

And I have had people challenging us - even with a clearly displayed badge - when we park in the disabled spaces because we both look young and healthy.

Going out is so much fun!

Having privacy and dignity when using a toilet is a universal human right. So yes if a mother cannot use any other facility without leaving a door open for all to see or handing her kids over to strangers she has the right to use the accessible toilet.

I'm sorry about your circumstances OP but at the end of the day mothers care more about thier babies safety than anything or anyone else. My babies stayed with me, not the other side of a door held ajar, not the other side of the toilet, not with a kind stranger, they were in the loo with me, end of. You can't expect mothers to consider other people before thier own children's safety, no matter what your circumstances.

Depriving yourself and your children of days out because you had to wait for one person to finish in the loo is really unecessary.

@Innocenta

So you didn’t refer to invisible disabilities as made up bs? Was that another poster?

You didn’t suggest that those who are mobile but with disabilities should use the public toilets rather than disabled?

People disagreeing with your opinion aren’t making false claims. People disagreeing with you aren’t ‘expressing hatred.’ They just have a different opinion. I don’t agree with you, but I haven’t falsified anything that you’ve said at all.

3rd story from AIBU to appear in Cheshire Live in the past few days . I wonder what the entry requirements for journalism are, nowadays?

www.cheshire-live.co.uk/whats-on/whats-on-news/row-over-parents-prams-using-21270923

Most parents with prams don't use accessible toilets by choice. I have done and will continue to use the accessible toilet when the need arises.
If I am with my husband or a friend I leave my pram and baby with them not I am not going to compromise my child's safety, my safety or my dignity.

If places legally had to provide a pram sized room with a lock and a toilet in it then I 100% promise you in 90% if places they will add a badge to the disabled toilet. In the other 10% quite a few of them will already have family toilets.

Also maybe that mother had a hidden disability but didn't want to tell some stranger all about it......

I fully understand having a disability and being in a wheelchair will give you challenges in life but equally other people have challenges. I have PTSD. That gives me massive anxiety around my child especially not being there for my child which makes it hard for me to not know my child is okay. Yes I will use the accessible toilet and if you challenge me I am likely to say pram rather than tell some stranger who thinks it is their right to know all of my medical history.

@paddlingon

I am pretty taken aback that the solution for single mothers is now visit an attraction with a friend.

I would be appalled if a person with a disability was told their ability to visit a toilet was dependent on them having someone else with them.

I am really surprised that others are suggesting this for mothers.

The rattling of a door handle while intrusive isn't indicative of a significant problem. As a pp said the number of single parents needing accessible loos is likely to be fairly low in any given place as many people visit places in groups.
You aren't going to drag your dc to the toilet with you if you don't have to.

You absolutely deserve kindness OP and so does anyone else who needs an accessible toilet.

Many attractions etc offer free carers or companions tickets so that disabled people can access these places. They do this because without a carer they can't.

The LA provides PA's or funding for PA's so that some disabled people can go out.

Some people with disabilities cannot access/ use a toilet without support.

This already happens

So according to innocenta my need is lesser than hers to use a disabled toilet? Who put you in charge? How dare you judge others with disabilities and apply some spurious made up criteria you made up by yourself.

I hate having to use disabled toilets. Parking spaces. Because I’m always not quite disabled enough. And I should be able to go into the ordinary loo use an ordinary parking space.

Except. I got a blue badge. Because I can’t. I got a radar key because I can’t. And I don’t understand why some ransomed would think they know better than the specialist I see