To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

@Givemebackmylilo

I'm starting to get the impression you just like moaning

Stop being so bitchy.

I am pretty taken aback that the solution for single mothers is now visit an attraction with a friend.

I would be appalled if a person with a disability was told their ability to visit a toilet was dependent on them having someone else with them.

I am really surprised that others are suggesting this for mothers.

The rattling of a door handle while intrusive isn't indicative of a significant problem. As a pp said the number of single parents needing accessible loos is likely to be fairly low in any given place as many people visit places in groups.
You aren't going to drag your dc to the toilet with you if you don't have to.

You absolutely deserve kindness OP and so does anyone else who needs an accessible toilet.

From memory the Yorkshire Sculpture Park also has decent accessible loos.

@DancesWithTortoises

Pot kettle.

@DancesWithTortoises

Why are people being so unkind to the OP? She is obviously distressed but some of you can't resist having a go.

Her life has changed dramatically and she is struggling to give her DCs enjoyable days out within the limitation imposed on her by her health.

Are you this nasty in real life?

Her kids deserve to have some fun.

I'm disgusted with the attitude towards a mother struggling with ill health. It says so much about you that your needs matter more than hers.

Disagreeing with a poster is not being unkind to them. Obviously being rude is not on but im not going to agree with all their points just so i can 'be kind'

[quote Givemebackmylilo]@DancesWithTortoises

Pot kettle. [/quote]
I'm not the one kicking someone when she's down. That would be you.

@DancesWithTortoises

No one is kicking her whilst she is down.

Stop being so dramatic.

It's a public forum. Stop trying to police people's opinions.

@DancesWithTortoises

Why are people being so unkind to the OP? She is obviously distressed but some of you can't resist having a go.

Her life has changed dramatically and she is struggling to give her DCs enjoyable days out within the limitation imposed on her by her health.

Are you this nasty in real life?

Her kids deserve to have some fun.

I'm disgusted with the attitude towards a mother struggling with ill health. It says so much about you that your needs matter more than hers.

Thank you. It is nice to read a kind thread on my post.

I am going to bow out of this thread for my own metal health sake.

I can't take the negativity and criticism any more, when I am trying all day every day to be a good mother and wife.

You mothers win, I'll stay home, going out is to hard anyway. The children will go out with their father and I will stay home. It will be easier for everyone. Who cares if I stay home for the next 40 years. Clearly I have no value anymore, why should anyone care about me.

So read this thread and be happy, I am in tears again and I have given up all hope of getting out again with my children. As I don't deserve any consideration or kindness. Because able bodied parents can't possible do what I did for years, they are not content with having separate toilets and separate nappy changing rooms, they want the only toilet I can access too.

Well I am too tired and in chronic pain, I have no means of altering peoples attitudes. I thought if I explained things, people would have empathy. But like the bus thread people are just so selfish these days.

Goodbye, enjoy my toilet.

"I would be appalled if a person with a disability was told their ability to visit a toilet was dependent on them having someone else with them."

For a fair few it is.

Well done, Vipers. I hope you're proud.

The time when the disability is new and your still finding your way around is the hardest of all because everything is so new and scary and you haven’t figured out which places are good and which aren’t.

We have a very small range of places we can go now. We are trying somewhere new tomorrow but it takes a lot of research (especially as going with extended family so 3 of the 7 have some form of disability to cater for)

Nobody has said op can’t go out though. She literally had to wait for one person to use the toilet in front of her then could access a suitable toilet for her needs.

And the melodramatic ‘I’ll just stay in forever, you all win’ is just silly. OP went for a day out, accessed a toilet she was able to use, then wanted everyone to agree that she should be able to stop others from using it.

OP I’m sorry things are so difficult for you. Hopefully you have some support in real life, I don’t think anyone is suggesting you shouldn’t go out.

Op fwiw I agree that disabled toilets should be for disabled people.

I’m not sure that I would be comfortable leaving a door open and jamming a pram in front of it, and many disabled loos are the family changing ones too.

I am disabled. I can’t access a normal cubicle @Innocenta because I need the handrail to get up and down. But I don’t use a wheelchair because once I’m up and going im not so bad. Some days I use crutches it depends.

enjoy my toilet

And here lies the problem. Says it all really.

I have a radar key though. My consultant organised it for me.

@Sleepyblueocean I completely get that is the physical reality for some people with disabilities.

My point is that I would be appalled to read on mumsnet or similar that people with disabilities shouldn't expect to be able to access a toilet unless they brought someone else with them. That traveling as a single person it would be reasonable to exclude them from toilets.

The idea that access to a to private space to use a toilet isn't something that should be given to a specific group of people is wrong.

@54321nought

Why is it either/or?

the accessible toilet is available for wheelchair users AND mothers with prams.

Why should other children be banned from days out because they have a baby sibling?

Because there are very few disabled toilets, the provision being made for a group that is a minority. Most places provide just one, occasionally there will be two.

There are however MILLIONS of mothers pushing prams, you are very much NOT a minority.

If everyone with a child who found using the normal loos awkward, decided to use the accessible toilet put there for the disabled (not the 'otherwise inconvenienced by having children who are temporarily too small to whatever..') then theres absolutely naff all chance of a disabled person being able to reasonably access that facility.

Its also fucking annoying - you lot have HUGE bargaining power, you are a MASSIVE market sector, if you kick up a fuss, things will change swiftly.

If you all refused to use shared disabled/parent and child facilities, and voted with your wallets, stores and malls would be putting up extra large toilets before you could say 'I read it on Mumsnet'.

You have a huge voice, but you choose not to use it because it is a bit of an effort that you don't really need to worry about because it only affects you occasionally, for a few years.

It affects us, the disabled, all of our lives.

@Kanaloa

Nobody has said op can’t go out though. She literally had to wait for one person to use the toilet in front of her then could access a suitable toilet for her needs.

And the melodramatic ‘I’ll just stay in forever, you all win’ is just silly. OP went for a day out, accessed a toilet she was able to use, then wanted everyone to agree that she should be able to stop others from using it.

OP I’m sorry things are so difficult for you. Hopefully you have some support in real life, I don’t think anyone is suggesting you shouldn’t go out.

I agree with this 💗

OP I'm really sorry this thread has upset you.

There's no excuse for people banging on the door when you are using the facilities.

It is very frustrating how formerly disabled toilets are now considered "accessible". It's just a cost saving exercise.

I also think it's no coincidence that women predominantly suffer as a result.

Women's bathrooms should be better designed and there should be both disabled and "family friendly" toilets.

All women are entitled to privacy and dignity.

Leaving a public toilet door open isn't an acceptable solution.

That said I think it's up to parents to campaign for this rather than "hijack" disabled facilities without conscience.

Finally (and I'll put my steel pants on) I also suggest that parents have a choice not to buy ridiculously oversized "designer" prams and buggies.

Ive never needed to use a disabled toilet, even with 2 young children in tow.

Small (newborn friendly buggy), sling with me and buggy board for the toddler.

Baby in sling, buggy folded and toddler in the cubicle. Not ideal but doable.

An option that isn't open to a wheelchair user for example.

I'm glad MN HQ has waded in on this because I hate to see some of the comments on here. I'm glad their official position is about making life easier for disabled people, including those with invisible disabilities which is as it should be. I'm not against some discussions about what different people need and how things can be improved for everyone, that is good, but we have to make disabled people feel they are valued and not do anything that might take away their rights or harm them.

Because there are very few disabled toilets, the provision being made for a group that is a minority. Most places provide just one, occasionally there will be two. There are however MILLIONS of mothers pushing prams, you are very much NOT a minority.

so what, none of that has any relevance to the INDIVIDUAL who needs the accessible toilet, whether because they are disabled or because they have a pram.

Haven't read through the whole thread but to me the issue is with the lack of proper toilet facilities for everyone but especially those who need instant access to toilets (this includes those with disabilities and those without).

As an example I once visited an M and S in London with a huge queue for the womens toilets. While waiting a woman and presumably her mother went into the ONE disabled toilet. The older woman was in a wheelchair. They were in the toilet for the whole 15 mins I was waiting in the ladies queue.

This is not an insult on them as they would have had very good reasons for taking a long time but anyone else who was disabled would have been left with a long wait. Meanwhile of course men were coming out of their toilets with zero wait.

Toilet facilities need a complete overhaul. More for women and certainly more for people with disabilities.

AIBU is a nest of vipers with a wide range of opinions and anyone who’s been around for more than 5 mins can see that.

Unfortunately people still post in the mistaken belief that this is an echo chamber.

Absolutely do not understand - and I'm going to have to do my I Am Disabled disclaimer so I don't get yelled at - the point of starting a thread in AIBU if when people inevitably disagree with you, you move on to "I'll never go out again, goodbye, enjoy my toilet". That doesn't suggest to me you were ever open to the possibility of being U and also comes across slightly bizarrely.

@Kanaloa

Nobody is keeping your kids at home. If there’s only one disabled toilet there’s no guarantee you wouldn’t have to wait anyway. I’m sorry it’s so difficult, and sorry you had the experience of using the toilet while exposed, but I wouldn’t do so. It isn’t fair or appropriate that you had to do that while apparently leaving four very young children in the toilet area.

Is this all you can say to a heartfelt honest post about a distressing situation?!

Also basic maths……at an attraction aimed at families, there will be many families with prams. People with disabilities are a smaller proportion.