To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

As ive said i have disabled child in nappies use disabled toliet for her ,but i do see the need for parents with pushchairs, i had double pushchair for about a year. and there r some shops sainsbury's i found that has babychanging room that also had toliet i used. And i would try my hardest to plan my time around which baby changing toliet i could go to but sometimes it wasnt possible and i wouldnt be able to fit buggy into the door let alone outside cubicle and i wasnt comfortable leaving them on own. So there was times i had to use disabled toliet and i felt bad but i felt i had no choice. I voted being unreasonable because i came from both sides and the whole use toliet with door open. Like others has said if that was suggested for disabled people there would be an uproar i dont see how its different.

It is not fair to my children, we still need to go to children friendly places which are full of other families.

In all likelihood, surely the proportion of parents with a small baby / babies in prams who are entirely alone and have no one to watch the baby while they use the toilet is relatively small? I would imagine the vast majority of parents are either in couples or with friends, for example, when they go on days out? Therefore the proportion of truly solo parents with prams is likely to be small I'd imagine. Meaning their use of the disabled toilet shouldn't hinder your use too much?

And the comment hatred for wheelchair users is frankly ridiculous and just not true

Innocenta
Thank you or being so understanding. YY, to dealing with invisible conditions for years and having to deal with moving to chairs.

I am extremally CEV, so much so that I had to have my jabs early and within 4 weeks of each other. I should be shielding full time too but I have to parent my four kids all over summer too. As DH is working full time. I am truly blessed with my family. I honestly don't think I would of made it through the last 18 months without them.

As I said we are only having 4 day trips this summer the aquarium being one. Which we all went masked and sanitisers our hands all the time and kept our distance from others. We went to a zoo a few weeks back and will go back to this or another zoo closer to September, both outside.

So I am looking for one more idea, my DS wants to go back to the aquarium, but clearly that is not an option.

@sofiegiraffe

It is not fair to my children, we still need to go to children friendly places which are full of other families.

In all likelihood, surely the proportion of parents with a small baby / babies in prams who are entirely alone and have no one to watch the baby while they use the toilet is relatively small? I would imagine the vast majority of parents are either in couples or with friends, for example, when they go on days out? Therefore the proportion of truly solo parents with prams is likely to be small I'd imagine. Meaning their use of the disabled toilet shouldn't hinder your use too much?

Exactly this. Maybe try being a little kinder to others who are struggling. The woman wanted to safely toilet in a place that was accessible to her, an accessible toilet, as probably advised by staff. You should have took it up with the staff not her if youre so upset about it. She only wanted to go to the toilet not take up residency in there 🙄

Also like to add this subject has been talked about before and beforei read it few years ago before i didnt consider that i shouldnt be using disabled toliet as wasnt able to fit double buggy in normal toilets. But after reading it i was so much more aware. It actualy caused me anxiety going out with the double buggy on my own as i would worry that people thought i was uncaring and entitled which just wasnt true. The thing is now i have to use the disabled toliet for my older daughter i still feel same. I havent just decided that al parents with buggies r entitled women who have a hatred for wheelchair users

[quote sofiegiraffe]@Worrysaboutalot
Why can't you also use it? I don't see how allowing mothers with prams who are alone and have no other option and no one to watch their baby (surely a small proportion relatively) precludes you from also using the toilet? Why can't both parties use it? [/quote]
Because there are far too many mothers who will use it, at the family friendly places we are visiting. They are roughly 90% of the visitors.

It would make it nearly impossible to get to the toilet when needed. Causing us to go home early. Either there is a ring fenced disabled toilet available for those who need it AND HAVE NO OTHER OPTION.

Maybe these mothers could visit the attraction with a friend, someone to watch the kids while she goes to the toilet and vice versa. From what I see, most families groups have at least two adults per set of children.

When I had an immobile baby. I would just take him out of the pram, leaving it outside, and carry him in with me. I often had DN too and so she would toddle along. Have able bodied Mums forgotten to use their arms or is everyone on MN mums of newborn twins and so must use the disabled loos? Honestly some of you are numpties.

Surely you could still go back to the aquarium? You were able to access an appropriate toilet whilst there, waiting for only one person to use it ahead of you. This could happen anywhere surely.

Or possibly you could contact the aquarium and ask what their policies are with regards to this?

[quote Kanaloa]@Worrysaboutalot

I wasn’t implying you didn’t care about invisible disabilities, I was responding to another poster at that time, who seems to believe those in a wheelchair should have priority, while those who are mobile but with invisible disabilities, should attempt to use the other toilets.

Unfortunately I don’t feel wheelchair users should have priority. This isn’t because I have any form of hatred for wheelchair users, but simply because like you I believe it’s a first come situation.[/quote]
Glad we agree. I missed your post referred to someone else.

Definitely first come first served in the disabled toilet. There is no way to know another persons difficulties and it is none of my business.

I know you say there are far too many people using it but could this be coloured by the bad experience of one rude woman rattling the door? As I see it you had to wait for only a short time, which could have happened if any other disabled person was using the toilet as you arrived.

Maybe these mothers could visit the attraction with a friend,

They may not all have a friend to go with. Should they stay home?

If you are anywhere up north Eureka at Halifax was amazing for access when we visited a few years back.

Several posters have asked me to 'be kinder', perhaps some of this kindness could be given to me.

I am a real person.

A mother of four relatively young kids,

I have both physical and invisible problems.

I have a rare neurology problem leaving me exhausted and in nerve pain all the time.

The same neuro problem damaged the nerves in my legs and arms so that I drop things and fall over and down stairs.

I am in a wheelchair because I can only do a few steps with crutches before the pain in my spine become to overwhelming or my knee or ankle gives way.

I have both types of accidents regularly.

Don't I deserve kindness?

@Kanaloa

I know you say there are far too many people using it but could this be coloured by the bad experience of one rude woman rattling the door? As I see it you had to wait for only a short time, which could have happened if any other disabled person was using the toilet as you arrived.

In my time using 'disabled' toilets, I've only ever had 1 wheel chair user waiting, I apologised and the chap said told me no need to apologise and take my time coming out.

If they make 90% of the visitors and they're not allowed to use to toilet incase of the rare occurance that the 10% happen to need the toilet at the same time, then you won't have a business to go back to.

Definitely first come first served in the disabled toilet. There is no way to know another persons difficulties and it is none of my business.

And yet here you are. Making it all your business.

@Winemewhynot

Totally agree

@Worrysaboutalot

Of course you deserve kindness. All groups of people do, IMO. However, my only reason for commenting on this thread initially was because I honestly strongly feel that your suggestion that a woman with a baby should use a public toilet with the door open was inappropriate and disrespectful. Nobody, whether able-bodied or disabled, should be subjected to that type of indignity.

The lady waiting to go in to the toilet may have had IBS and just didn't want to disclose to you so just gestured to Pram instead.

@Kanaloa

Surely you could still go back to the aquarium? You were able to access an appropriate toilet whilst there, waiting for only one person to use it ahead of you. This could happen anywhere surely.

Or possibly you could contact the aquarium and ask what their policies are with regards to this?

I might do. My DS loves the aquarium, we usually go a lot. But Covid and then my illness. Everything is so much harder.

Why are people being so unkind to the OP? She is obviously distressed but some of you can't resist having a go.

Her life has changed dramatically and she is struggling to give her DCs enjoyable days out within the limitation imposed on her by her health.

Are you this nasty in real life?

Her kids deserve to have some fun.

I'm disgusted with the attitude towards a mother struggling with ill health. It says so much about you that your needs matter more than hers.

@Sirzy

If you are anywhere up north Eureka at Halifax was amazing for access when we visited a few years back.

We will have a look at that one. Thanks for the recommendation.