To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

As the mother of twins I can confirm that they need to wee, cannot get a buggy that fits into most ladies loos let alone a cubicle.
Even if my back could have survived a double sling ( there is no way it could have done) I couldn't have fitted into and used most cubicles with it.

A more sensible discussion than expecting mothers to be able to bend the laws of space or have no privacy while using the toilet is to increase the number of accessible toilets available.

I was always told to use the disabled loo when out with the twins in their buggy and it would be opened for me by staff. So I don't think locking it would help with that much.
No staff member wants to look after babies while a parent toilets and it would be considered negligent to leave them alone.

Most buildings are happy to have accessible toilets used by those who need space if this is significant issue then there needs to be more of them.

@liveforsummer

This thread is a kin to the bus space priority threads. Everyone knows wheelchair users should have priority over the space but irl it is used by prams and if they are asked to move they won't

Here everyone knows and accept you have to leave the bus with your pram, or fold it, if a wheelchair needs the space you are occupying. There is a sign on the wall when entering the bus and the drivers make sure it is adhered to. If the person decided to get off then they are given a ticket so they don't have to pay on the next bus they enter. I assumed it was the same everywhere

You would think so.

But when I put up a post a few months back about using buses in a wheelchair, as a person brand new to having a wheelchair. The thread attracted several posters with a very entitled attitude which is echoed on this post.

It is so surprising for me, I expected more empathy from mothers.
Wheelchair on bus thread

As the mother of twins I can confirm that they need to wee,

😂 I thought so. Just wanted to clarify....

If I couldn't access a toilet with my dc then I couldn't use the space or I had to leave early.
Having had that experience helped to emphasize for me how important accessible toilets are.
Something I have remembered many years later.
I am still very supportive of accessible toilets even though I haven't used them for years.
Maybe there are some positives to sharing the space in terms of increased understanding.

I was always told to use the disabled loo when out with the twins in their buggy and it would be opened for me by staff.

A pp earlier on said she had asked today in a supermarket what she should do since she couldn't fit her (single) buggy into a standard cubicle. She said they looked at her strangely and said "use the accessible toilet". This is the solution as parents with prams that we are being offered by the businesses themselves. 🤷‍♀️

No, I’m not going to use the end cubicle with the pram in the doorway. Especially not when there are men using the ladies toilets nowadays. If I can’t fit into a cubicle then I need to use the accessible toilet. Blame the aquarium which has obviously combined the accessible toilet with the disabled toilet instead of having separate facilities.

@DancesWithTortoises

Do people not realise why disabled accessible toilets are absolutely all that people like you and me can use?

Of course they realise but they just don't care. Obvious from this thread.

Every day, I am more surprised at how little thought people give to others. Especially those who need more consideration.

Until their loved one or themselves needs this kind of support and then they will be so ashamed of how they misused disabled facilities because of their

@sofiegiraffe

I was always told to use the disabled loo when out with the twins in their buggy and it would be opened for me by staff.

A pp earlier on said she had asked today in a supermarket what she should do since she couldn't fit her (single) buggy into a standard cubicle. She said they looked at her strangely and said "use the accessible toilet". This is the solution as parents with prams that we are being offered by the businesses themselves. 🤷‍♀️

Yes, because they have no skin in the game either. It is not up to a random staff member to give away access to the disabled toilets.

This is the solution as parents with prams that we are being offered by the businesses themselves.

And has been for well over a decade now. If anything the remit of what accessible means is wider now than it has been as invisible disability gets more recognition.

I don't think it is entitlement to use a facility that a business has told you to use to meet your need.

@Kanaloa

I did buy a buggy. It was a Cindico with back support. He used it from the age of 3 months. Until then he was in a sling. So I did use a buggy. Not the one in the picture - there must be some others available. If people can be bothered to find them.

But people like you don't care about anyone except yourselves. Let the disabled stay at home, eh? Not cluttering up the toilets actually designed for them because the important mothers of children think they matter more.

Disgusting attitude to the disabled all through this thread.

@sofiegiraffe

So to the mothers who still use intend to use disabled toilets. No one can stop you doing it, but I want you to remember that by making your lives easier, you are stopping another mother like me, from going out at all!

This is a bit of a reach

It has stopped me going to that aquarium. Because the posters on here will be a reflection of the real life people and enough mothers on here state they do and will continue to use disable toilets and they don't care the consequences.

I can not pay for a day trip and have to leave due to too many accidents.

So I have to see if I can find an alternative else we remain home all month.

That said until I get replacement tyres fitted to my wheelchair I am house bound, sigh. Another thing to worry about! But that is DH's job, bless him. Everything is on order and speedy delivery. Hoping they will get here soon.

DancesWithTortoises

OP it’s great you were happy to do your business in view of others and leave your child unattended in a public bathroom. However, you only have to have a brief look on the feminism board to see women describing their experiences of men in female spaces and then over on parenting there’s always someone wanting to report a parent to social services for leaving a child unsupervised. Have the cases of James Bulger and Maddy Mcann taught us nothing?

You may have been happy to take that risk but I certainly am not.

@DancesWithTortoises

Yeah, exactly. Keep the disabled locked up at home, that’s what I want. Never mind the fact that I’ve specified I myself have a disability.

OP I think the issue here is that you (and others) misunderstand what the accessible toilet is for. It is not for "disabled" people. It is for people with accessibility needs. That means people with disabilities, parents with buggies and obviously those in search of changing facilities (where they are in the accessible toilet).

I do think disabled people get first dibs and parents should wait. But you can't forbid them to use accessible toilets - that is what they are for.

@igelkott2021

OP I think the issue here is that you (and others) misunderstand what the accessible toilet is for. It is not for "disabled" people. It is for people with accessibility needs. That means people with disabilities, parents with buggies and obviously those in search of changing facilities (where they are in the accessible toilet).

I do think disabled people get first dibs and parents should wait. But you can't forbid them to use accessible toilets - that is what they are for.

Exactly.

@sofiegiraffe

So to the mothers who still use intend to use disabled toilets. No one can stop you doing it, but I want you to remember that by making your lives easier, you are stopping another mother like me, from going out at all!

This is a bit of a reach

No, it’s the truth.

It’s the same when people park in blue badge spaces because “they’re only going to be a minute…” Or when they don’t move their buggy out of the wheelchair space on the bus because they “were there first…”

Of course supermarkets, zoos, shopping centre staff etc are going to tell parents with buggies to use the disabled toilet because when the building was built they were lazy. They didn’t think of the impact that sending umpteen parents in there either to change their baby or to use the toilet would have on disabled people who have no other choice but to use that toilet. They’re not sending you all in their because the disabled toilet was provided for your use too.

Thank you @DancesWithTortoises

There are very few places where disabled facilties are anything more than a tick box exercise to please the planners. I have been to places where fitting DS and his child size chair and me in is a squash!

@paddlingon

This is the solution as parents with prams that we are being offered by the businesses themselves.

And has been for well over a decade now. If anything the remit of what accessible means is wider now than it has been as invisible disability gets more recognition.

I don't think it is entitlement to use a facility that a business has told you to use to meet your need.

Of course it isn't.

@igelkott2021

OP I think the issue here is that you (and others) misunderstand what the accessible toilet is for. It is not for "disabled" people. It is for people with accessibility needs. That means people with disabilities, parents with buggies and obviously those in search of changing facilities (where they are in the accessible toilet).

I do think disabled people get first dibs and parents should wait. But you can't forbid them to use accessible toilets - that is what they are for.

Yep

Of course supermarkets, zoos, shopping centre staff etc are going to tell parents with buggies to use the disabled toilet because when the building was built they were lazy. They didn’t think of the impact that sending umpteen parents in there either to change their baby or to use the toilet would have on disabled people who have no other choice but to use that toilet. They’re not sending you all in their because the disabled toilet was provided for your use too.

Well that's on them, isn't it. Their laziness has created this problem. They should have created enough spaces for everyone.

OP I think the issue here is that you (and others) misunderstand what the accessible toilet is for. It is not for "disabled" people. It is for people with accessibility needs. That means people with disabilities, parents with buggies and obviously those in search of changing facilities (where they are in the accessible toilet).

If the toilet is clearly labelled disabled then that's who it's for. And most of them are labelled as such.

I do think disabled people get first dibs and parents should wait. But you can't forbid them to use accessible toilets - that is what they are for.

Unless they are clearly marked for the disabled - then it would be an act of selfishness to use it, don't you agree?

From the link up thread or accessible toilet? – The world of accessible toilets (accessible-toilet-project.blog)

“A designated toilet for disabled people is described as an ‘accessible’ toilet.”

“The purpose of an accessible toilet should be to enable disabled people to gain prompt access to facilities that might be different from regular toilets in terms of the available space, layout, equipment, flooring, lighting etc. i.e. removing the disabling barriers and restrictions that might be present in regular toilets.”

Accessible toilet is for people with disabilities NOT for mothers with a buggy

@Sirzy

There are very few places where disabled facilties are anything more than a tick box exercise to please the planners. I have been to places where fitting DS and his child size chair and me in is a squash!

My local Morrisons disability toilet doesn't even fit my small chair, as the room is tiny and the door opens inwards! I did speak to the manager who promised to do something about it. Fingers crossed something is done, I really like their café too but clearly I can't risk visiting again until their toilet is sorted.