To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

If a toilet is labelled as a disabled toilet then only those with disabilities should use it. Why do some people find that so hard to understand?

I got a buggy I could take into ordinary loos for just this reason.

Incredibly selfish to think it's ok to use a loo designed for the disabled community. It isn't.

No way I would use a conventional loo with a pram and or multiple children. Sorry OP but I think YABU

The vitriol against OP has been hateful. The response to me has been hateful. And PPs continue to distort what I've said, which is toxic and manipulative - e.g. claiming I don't consider the needs of other disabled people (untrue, read my posts), or think I should be prioritised (untrue, read my post about radar keys).

Your ableism is showing. You can keep protesting that you don't hate wheelchair users, but you can't hide the hatred in your responses. Please take some time to think.

Vitriol? What?!

Where has anyone posted anything to suggest a hatred of wheelchair users?

All people have asked if you is to consider that actually there are many disabled people who aren’t in wheelchairs who still can’t access a regular cubicle. Many people have posted why they can’t but you have shot down their experiences and tried to paint it as an anti wheelchair thing.

I'm really shocked by the extreme hatred for wheelchair users that people are expressing in this thread. Why is it so difficult for many PPs to admit that we are a subgroup of disabled people with specific needs?

I really don't think anyone has disputed this.
I also haven't seen any hatred for wheelchair users.

In my own personal experience I would say that lugging a twin buggy around for a couple of years actually made me more aware of and sympathetic to the challenges that permanent wheelchair users have.

I absolutely think that if a pram doesn't fit in the ladies then you need to use an accessible loo. That doesn't mean that I don't also think that wheelchair users shouldn't have access to an accessible loo as well.

Other users may also need to use an accessible loo for reasons they have shared on this thread.

Highlighting one groups need for an accessible toilet shouldn't be taken as suggesting that another group doesn't also need this.

Since my son is himself a wheelchair user I am hardly likely to hate wheelchair users.

Op when you say you can’t go to the aquarium without a dedicated toilet, I don’t understand? There is a dedicated toilet, but it’s not just for you it’s for anyone with access needs. Surely the same issue would apply if it was a radar key because there would be the risk of other disabled people being in there?

"If a toilet is labelled as a disabled toilet then only those with disabilities should use it."

Even if it's the only toilet on the premises? Zero tolerance, I guess.

@Boredmotherofone I'm pretty sure that I don't need to explain myself to you. In fact I'm highly offended that I am being asked to explain myself to you.

I can stand if I have one hand to hold on to a rail. I use the other hand to redress myself.

This isn't possible in a normal toilet cubicle.

I really hope that satisfied your curiosity

@Sirzy this thread is full of ableist hatred, one poster has said "fuck the disabled" (literally) and that after this thread they will use whatever toilet they like. Others have expressed similarly ableist hatefulness, though with less incendiary language.

I don't agree completely with everything @Innocenta has posted, but she has been eminently calm and reasonable and thoughtful, unlike lots of the able-bodied people posting here. She is definitely not the problem.

@Wheresmrpenguin

Are you seriously suggesting it’s in any way comparable? I’d laugh if it wasn’t so offensive. Tell you what, try to carry a 6 month old out of their pram and navigate a toilet cubicle - very hard as I’ve done it but possible. Now try to physically move a 10 stone fully grown adult who can’t weight bear into a regular sized cubicle.

I don't think the second mother was rude or entitled at all!

Where else is she supposed to go to the bathroom with a pram in tow, normal toilets are never big enough.

I have IBD and virtually no bowel control so
when I need to go I need to go. Having recently become a mother that has added to the stress of going out as you can't just dap in to somewhere with a pram.

I do however have a radar key which can be bought off eBay for a few quid anyway.

@lljkk

"If a toilet is labelled as a disabled toilet then only those with disabilities should use it."

Even if it's the only toilet on the premises? Zero tolerance, I guess.

But that would never happen.

YABU
There is no way on earth I would use the toilet with the door wide open and certainly wouldn't be leaving my baby outside in a pram. I use the accessible toilet with my baby and toddler as it's the only one we all fit into. (Plus if there's no family bathroom the changing table is ALWAYS in there).
My mother is a wheelchair user, she'd happily wait to use it is someone else needed the space and wouldn't be the least bit offended.

Pretty disgusted anyone would expect someone to use the toilet for changing tampons or having a poo with the door open in full view of other people.

[quote Schuyler]@Wheresmrpenguin

Are you seriously suggesting it’s in any way comparable? I’d laugh if it wasn’t so offensive. Tell you what, try to carry a 6 month old out of their pram and navigate a toilet cubicle - very hard as I’ve done it but possible. Now try to physically move a 10 stone fully grown adult who can’t weight bear into a regular sized cubicle.[/quote]
Don't be so ridiculous, why the competitiveness? I never said a person in a wheelchair can be compared and not one person, including myself has said a person in a wheelchair can't use the toilet, so don't be so ridiculous.
I'm asking for how would a person with a pram using an accessible toilet.
You say carry a 6 month old out of their pram, which is dangerous and unhygienic and not feasible at all. You've said yourself it's very hard, so that shouldn't be an option. Another option would be the parent pissing themselves. There's plenty of things that are very hard to do but we don't do them for safety or wellbeing reasons.

I'm asking for how would a person with a pram using an accessible toilet.
You say carry a 6 month old out of their pram, which is dangerous and unhygienic and not feasible at all. You've said yourself it's very hard, so that shouldn't be an option. Another option would be the parent pissing themselves. There's plenty of things that are very hard to do but we don't do them for safety or wellbeing reasons.

Or do what I did. Buy a buggy that will fit in an ordinary cubicle.

Which buggies fit in ordinary sized toilet cubicles and are appropriate for small babies? I haven’t seen any like this, most places the toilets are so small you barely have room for anything.

I've never heard of anyone taking a pram into a public toilet before!

I'm trying to recall what I used to do. If taken short while out on my own with a baby, I think I would have put the baby in his sling and left the pram parked outside.

But, tbh, I don't think I ever went anywhere on my own when there was a likelihood of needing the loo. I would always have gone with DH or with another mum, so we could mind the pram outside. Of course, there were no nappy changing facilities anywhere in those days either, so any changes had to be done on a park bench, on the back seat of the car in the car park - or they simply weren't done and had to wait till we got home.
Different world!

I find this one really hard. If I had a choice of course I wouldn't use the disable loo (unless also a baby change) however as someone who normally only goes to the loo whilst out in emergency situations e.g heavy period there is no way I would go with the door open and deal with that. Same way as I couldn't leave my toddler on my lap whilst I sorted it!

When I was in a situation before I went to the help desk to ask for advise and was told to use the disabled loo as it was accessible. Similar to when I worked in retail I was told it was an accessible toilet for those who couldn't go in a standard one which included prams etc!

I used a sling until they were big enough for the buggy.

Mine are all grown up now but a quick google found this -

www.argos.co.uk/product/7019692?istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=30f62ea9-9626-4cac-97c8-9ff3921f8558&istItemId=ixwlirtpa&istBid=t&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7cacid:629-618-1342%7ccid:9563523543%7cagid:102230965630%7ctid:aud-378671944447:pla-954117903597%7ccrid:423314715245%7cnw:g%7crnd:9126751516253888372%7cdvc:c%7cadp:%7cmt:%7cloc:1006966&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=9563523543&utm_term=7019692&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=102230965630&utm_custom2=629-618-1342&gclid=CjwKCAjwx8iIBhBwEiwA2quaq6EbxUYy_x1Rcr6Yw91Sriwmwb3IzJeqP17htMBKH-w9aZbiumVxBBoCBDUQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Hmm not sure that buggy is appropriate for a smaller baby. It also doesn’t look like it would fit in a toilet cubicle with the door closed. Of course an older child could be removed from the buggy but still doesn’t really solve the problem of a very small baby. I wasn’t able to use a sling as I needed a double pram.

These threads come up over and over, pitting non-disabled parents against disabled people.

I've said this before and it's been totally ignored - why not create a Mumsnet led campaign to get provision of parent/child toilets that are accessible to prams, separate from the disabled accessible facilities, made a requirement for such places.

I know the answer, its because there is no bloody need is there, you can just use the disabled loo, why make the effort, after all its only going to be a few years that you use the pram for...

I mean how dare disabled people want a toilet facility that is a protected space just for them.... how dare they not want that protection eroding by being forced to share it...

Mm.

@Wheresmrpenguin

Fortunately, parents do just use the accessible toilets and don’t actually have to soil or wet themselves. Yet, perhaps on here, they need to be kinder towards those who are - understandably - very frustrated at how difficult life is for people. Having a baby is temporary, these people are doing this forever.