To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

Never mind a poo, I wouldn't be comfortable going for a wee with the door open in public lol
Also, what exactly are you supposed to do with baby if you're taking them out of the pram/pushchair and taking them in with you?
I'm assuming people are imagining they can be held in arms?
OK, but what happens when you need to wipe or flush?!
Put them down on the floor?
There's not room to swing a cat (for want of a better expression) in usual cubicles at the best of times, they're likely to have a foot near their head as you pee.
Plus, bleurgh, toilet floors and newborns?

I stopped having to worry about peeing when out and about with my dts in their twin buggy over ten years ago.
Even then I was always told by staff to use the accessible loo and it was opened if needed.
Even the smallest double buggy didn't fit through most ladies doors let alone the cubicles,
Leaving dc abandoned wasn't ok then either.

Accessible toilets has had a wider remit for at least the last decade if not longer.
More accessible loos seems like a sensible solution.

I find this very difficult. I feel immense shame at using the disabled facilities when faced with that or a door open scenario. I usually hold it wherever possible but have had issues because of this. I survived sexual abuse as a child and as an adult. Before people jump down my throat I am fully aware this isn't a disability and, like I said, I feel very ashamed when people look at me. Leaving the door open would trigger me due to reasons I don't go into. These triggers make me black out for an indeterminate amount of time due to having ptsd.

I think family bathrooms should be campaigned for. I have written many letters to my MP. Things are gradually getting better around here thankfully.

A lot of people on here think people are looking at them, it is completely bizarre. I can assure you no one cares what you are doing, door open or not (and certainly there is no reason to have it all the way open - you just need to be able to see DC. Use some common sense.
Nonsense about Tiktok, smart phones and men in toilets ….. properly desperate.
Just don’t use the facilities if you are not disabled. It is very simple.

Avery you shouldn't feel shame or make yourself physically ill either.
You have a perfectly legitimate reason to require an accessible loo.
💐

To be clear @ AveryGoodlay - my post came after yours but was not a response to yours which I had not read when I posted. I am sorry about what happened to you.

People shouldn’t be leaving the door open anyway. It’s an inappropriate thing to expect mothers or anyone to do. Nobody should be exposed in a public place. Outside of people like pp who have suffered sexual abuse, as a very young mum I would never have gone out if I thought I would need to use the toilet with the door open. And I am saying that as someone who does have the right to use the disabled toilet. I wouldn’t begrudge a mum using it although I would have to wait which would be difficult. But then I could also end up waiting as someone with a wheel chair is in there.

Having said that, there are places who cater correctly. MacDonald’s is fantastic with big baby change/toilet cubicles. Many supermarkets are as well.

And I don’t think it’s ‘nonsense’ to be self conscious of using a public toilet with the door open. Otherwise why do they have doors at all?

@Dhcdjsjfkcske

A lot of people on here think people are looking at them, it is completely bizarre. I can assure you no one cares what you are doing, door open or not (and certainly there is no reason to have it all the way open - you just need to be able to see DC. Use some common sense. Nonsense about Tiktok, smart phones and men in toilets ….. properly desperate. Just don’t use the facilities if you are not disabled. It is very simple.

It's not really nonsense though, is if ?

And I'd like to point out I have never used a disabled toilet so I'm not making excuses for myself but it's not really the point whether people are looking or not - people with religious reasons don't want to have the door open, as pp has mentioned someone who has been assaulted also doesn't want to have the door opened whether it's a little or a lot, not many people want to go to the toilet in front of strangers hell there was a whole thread on MN a bit ago where people were saying they don't fart in front of their DPs so I doubt they'd go to the loo with the door open. Everyone deserves privacy, everyone deserves to use toilets accessible to themselves.

@IDontWantthisconsole

What about those with children with ASD or Sensory Processing Disorder who can't cope with the hand dryers going off in the public toilets? Or even very little children without those who don't like the hand dryers?

I know parents who have to take their DC with them to the toilet on days out (single parents/took them alone and too young to be left outside etc) who use the disabled for the above reasons as otherwise the hand dryers can cause a meltdown.

So yes YABU you. When my now 7yo DD was a toddler she hated the dryers to the point she'd scream if she saw one, I'm a single parent, so until she grew out of it I'd go in the disabled toilet.

My son has autism and can't cope with the hand dryers. I don't take him in disabled toilets, I take him in the main toilets with ear defenders. They're pretty cheap from Amazon.

However, OP I think this is such a difficult one. I'm always one to side with people with disabilities. I can't stand seeing people using disabled parking spaces without a badge etc. But I've been in the following situation. My local town centre only has toilets in M&S. They have two baby changing rooms, but they don't have toilets in them. (I've never come across this elsewhere so haven't had to deal with this situation anywhere else). There were a couple of times when my eldest son was tiny and I needed to go to the toilet when I was out with him. I have severe IBS. There's no way I was going with the door open. I wouldn't even without the IBS as I'm so shy and wouldn't have left my baby outside. I used the disabled toilets on these occasions, felt incredibly uncomfortable doing so and was as quick as possible. I would never have been rude to somebody else using them and would never have rattled the door handle, even when I felt like I was about to have an accident.

There really need to be baby changing/accessible changing rooms for adults everywhere. I'm sorry you had this experience.

"But this site seems to have very little understanding of the rights, and needs, of the disabled" I have a disability plus a chronic condition that often causes me quite a lot of pain. Still wouldn't want to have to pee or sort a heavy period out with the door open.

paddlingon Thank you so much for your kind words. My family have berrated me for using them many times. Thank you

I found myself temporarily needing to use the disabled toilets after an accident a few years ago. I was in a wheelchair initially but then on crutches for a long time and needed the extra space plus the support of the wall handles in disabled loos. Locked ones left me in a very awkward situation a few times. I didn't realise that anyone could get a key (doesn't that defeat the object??) as I thought it was like a disabled badge for the car, something you had to apply for if you were permanently disabled.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have had this experience. There must be loads of people who need the facilities temporarily after injuries, illness or operations so having them all locked would disadvantage many people with a genuine need.
That time did open my eyes to just how poor facilities are for people with disabilities so I have some sympathy with the OP's frustration, but I don't think keys are the answer. They'd either exclude a lot of people with a temporary but very real need for the facilities, or if keys were tissued to people on discharge from hospital etc it would lead to huge numbers of keys being in circulation so you may as well not bother. We need better facilities for disabled people and for parents with young babies - it shouldn't be either/or and ideally the 2 groups shouldn't have to share.

Why should an able bodied person not use the toilet if its available? I say this as someone with a hidden disability and someone who spent almost all their working life in the disability sector. Should an able bodied person wait while the 'disabled toilet' is empty? Isn't that just another form of discrimination? I've gone into so many public restrooms where there's a queue and yet the disabled toilet is available but people are too nervous to use it in case of being told off which in my opinion is ridiculous. My disability does not trump anyone else's need to use a toilet so I say open them to all or better still fight for accessible toilets to be the norm or at least the majority so there's no discrimination either direction.

I agree with F'raining, but it doesn't matter what I say since I'm not disabled (yet). Lots of disabled people have to agree, no one else's opinion is allowed to count.

There needs to be far more disabled toilets built in busy places. We are always told that it''s too costly usually., but there are hundreds of people who would benefit from really extra wide cubicles for various reasons.
You sometimes see elderly people hobbling along with waking sticks, and struggling with agility, not to mention shopping bags etc, and nowhere to move in a usual toilet cubicle.

My Son who is 50 now, is disabled,, as in paralysed from the chest down, so a wheelchair user, can tell you all about problems with toilets all over the place, and access problems.

@fairynick

Many disabled people are low income and you want them to spend money on a radar key so that mothers with prams don’t benefit from the facilities?

It’s an accessible toilet, not a disabled toilet. If somebody needs a larger space then they are entitled to use it, I include mother’s with prams in this.

I was specifically talking about a dedicated disabled toilet, not an accessible toilet. There is a difference. One of the reasons that the RADAR scheme was introduced, was to stop ‘other things’ happening in dedicated disabled toilets. You can use your imagination as to what this might be.

I don’t disagree that families also need access to good bathroom facilities, and would urge people to continue to campaign for this.

RADAR keys are not expensive, about £3, and anyone requiring disabled facilities can self certify and obtain one.

The majority of us are able to wait in a queue with no problem.

Someone with IBS/incontinence issues may not be able to. That's why people shouldn't use the disabled toilet just because there's a queue .

Discrimination ffs 🙄

Radar keys are available in most chemists for a few quid, anyone can buy them.

@Bigballer

You sound entitled op. A very small percentage of our population are disabled so I don't see why disabled toilets can't be for everyone and disabled people can just wait their turn.

Did you read my post? Many people with disabilities or challenges cannot just wait. It is not even the slightest bit entitled to expect that a toilet expressly for persons with disabilities will be reasonably available.

Of course sometimes you must wait but for goodness sake it is not a matter of percentages.

You sound like you are just being goady. Enough said.

@Bigballer

You sound entitled op. A very small percentage of our population are disabled so I don't see why disabled toilets can't be for everyone and disabled people can just wait their turn.

Words fail me. Presumably you don’t have a disability or you wouldn’t think this way!

@Worrysaboutalot

You are right. People saying you are not are wrong

Would YOU change a tampon, in a public toilet, with a door open OP?

No, thought not!