To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

@Bigballer

You sound entitled op. A very small percentage of our population are disabled so I don't see why disabled toilets can't be for everyone and disabled people can just wait their turn.

Words fail me. At least, ones that wouldn't get me banned.

@AveryGoodlay

I find this very difficult. I feel immense shame at using the disabled facilities when faced with that or a door open scenario. I usually hold it wherever possible but have had issues because of this. I survived sexual abuse as a child and as an adult. Before people jump down my throat I am fully aware this isn't a disability and, like I said, I feel very ashamed when people look at me. Leaving the door open would trigger me due to reasons I don't go into. These triggers make me black out for an indeterminate amount of time due to having ptsd.

I think family bathrooms should be campaigned for. I have written many letters to my MP. Things are gradually getting better around here thankfully.

Avery, long-term PTSD is a disability. You have every right and reason to access the disabled loos in your situation. You have an invisible disability that means you can't access any other loo sometimes - please don't feel ashamed or embarrassed by that.

I'm so very sorry for your experiences. Nobody should cope with what you have had to, and I admire your efforts to campaign for better provision for all, too.

While we are on the issue of how everyone deserves dignity let’s not forget that for many disabled people even the disabled toilets don’t offer then any dignity because they offer no more than extra space.

www.changing-places.org/

Wtf have I just read? Use a toilet with the door open because you have a baby in a pram? Ffs.

That's a huge no fucking way from me.

@TheWholeJingbang

Would YOU change a tampon, in a public toilet, with a door open OP?

No, thought not!

Exactly! This is has got to be a joke.

The Radar key is a sensible suggestion, OP I am sure you could make it in a positive way. Family bathrooms are a separate issue as are those with larger space.

But you do have a choice, you can choose to use a normal cubicle, shut the door and leave the baby outside for a minute,

Are people for real? This isn't real. It can't be.

My youngest is 6 and has bowel and bladder problems so requires changing, sometimes up to 5-6 times a day. Not classified as disabled.

When I went out with my two youngest I needed a space large enough to accommodate a buggy if I or the toddler needed the loo.

Ask the aquarium to look at improving their provision of family sized toilets, instead of locking it up.

@Worrysaboutalot Where abouts are was this? There is a large aquarium centre we visited and the baby changing facilities are awful. A fold down platform above a sink, next to the hand dryer. I wasn't sure about the disabled toilet though

I was with you until here.

Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Grim. Who does this?

@Kendodd

When my three children were little (ages baby, 1 and 2) I don't think I ever used the disabled toilet, unless mixed use. It was a fucking nightmare trying to use the loo with the three of them and my, shot to pieces, pelvic floor. In all those years I don't think I once saw a queue for the disabled. I wish I'd just used the disabled now. I didn't out of consideration but reading this thread, disabled people on here seem to have absolutely zero consideration for how parents might struggle.

@Kendodd

Ah yes because people with disabilities on MN cannot possibly be parents or don’t have children with disabilities, therefore they definitely aren’t parents?!

OP is a mother who became a wheelchair user after becoming a parent. There but for the grace of God go I. I have no skin in the game as I’m not a parent who is in need of an accessible toilet and neither are my DC but I’m shocked at the attitudes on here. Zero empathy indeed!

@PicsInRed

I was with you until here.

Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Grim. Who does this?

Exact same.

I was totally with OP until this point. And I'm a mum with a young baby in a pram; but was still on her side til I read this line. Then my jaw dropped and I lost all sympathy.

YABU as not everyone with disabilities can get a radar key!

Also, you've no idea whether those women had hidden disabilities- they may have had a stoma or have IBD meaning they needed to use the toilet urgently.

Don't judge others.

I’m lucky I’m not disabled. I have been a single Mum since the birth of DS so I fully get it can be tricky when out and about but I never felt the need to use a disabled toilet other than when it was the only option for baby change. Even then I felt guilty and rushed

Sadly DS is disabled. He is 11 now so coming into the ladies with me is no longer an option. We are lucky that he doesn’t need the hoists and the likes that many do to access the toilets, and thankfully he can use the toilet with support so I don’t need to lie him on the dirty floor to change him like many do. But he does still need help and always will.

Now I would never judge any individual we see using the disabled toilets, hey if DS isn’t in his wheelchair then you wouldn’t know he was disabled. But I will judge the people on here who are so adamant that they have to use the disabled toilets despite having no disabilities that mean they need to use them.

@tintodeverano2

YABU as not everyone with disabilities can get a radar key!

Also, you've no idea whether those women had hidden disabilities- they may have had a stoma or have IBD meaning they needed to use the toilet urgently.

Don't judge others.

@tintodeverano2 Anybody can buy a radar key.

@tintodeverano2

YABU as not everyone with disabilities can get a radar key!

Also, you've no idea whether those women had hidden disabilities- they may have had a stoma or have IBD meaning they needed to use the toilet urgently.

Don't judge others.

Anyone can get a radar key. That’s a whole different debate on the issue of poor disabled facilties when anyone can go to Amazon and get the key!

I'm a mother to two disabled DC, one of whom is still in nappies aged 11. I was the sole carer for my wheelchair bound dad until his death - and my mum (divorced from my dad since I was little ) has cerebral palsy so I've been her physical helper since a young child.

My point is I'm incredibly aware of how important disabled access is, and why accessible facilities are essential.

And yet still I'm open-mouthed at the OP who wants everyone to have sympathy for her needs, but fuck everyone else. I'm pretty sure that most mothers with prams would prefer not to have to use the disabled toilet, and hopefully in most places they don't have to. But telling them that they have to leave their baby in a pram in the doorway and take a piss/change a tampon with the door wide open is absolutely ridiculous. But hey, as long as OP is OK who gives a toss about anyone else's needs?

Every time we've been to places, the disabled facilities have been empty. We've never had to queue. But I can tell you now, if I needed to change the nappy on my disabled 11yr old child and the disabled cubicle was occupied by a mum with a pram I would have zero problem with queuing if there were no facilities for her to use elsewhere.

It's not as if the disabled facilities are typically in constant use - and I say this as someone who's used them with disabled children/mum/dad very regularly. Of course we can share the facilities with another user who has a genuine need. And a mother who cannot get into a cubicle with her pram needs an accessible toilet. She has a genuine need.

Jesus Christ. I cannot believe what I've read. In the comments, the OP is now throwing a strop about not being able to go to the aquarium because there's an outside chance she MIGHT have to share the facilities with someone else in need. Heaven forbid there's another wheelchair user in the aquarium the same day, she'll really lose her shit. No pun intended.

Why can’t you go to the beach? Our tourist information office has beach wheelchairs people can borrow. I know I’ve missed the point of the thread but I was wondering about that part.

I understand it's frustrating, but please don't assume the first family's children weren't wearing nappies. I use the disabled toilet to change my six year old son who has severe non-verbal ASD and learning disabilities. He's in nappies and it's incredibly difficult to change him in a regular cubicle in the toilets. We've had looks before when we've come out but I don't need to explain to strangers that my child isn't continent and the reasons why.

YANBU, ask them to put a radar lock o the door. I would point out that if theh wanted to be truly accessible to disabled people they would have a changing places facility with a radar lock also.

We have a radar key for my son, I remember a lady with a pram having a right hissy fit at the Trafford centre because I didn't leave the door open for her and just closed it after we'd finished in the 'disabled' loo and refused to open it for her. For those that know the trafford centre I mean in the toilet block on the downstairs of the food hall where it's Egyption near Pizza hut. So lots of family loos, womens loos etc. She said "but they are cleaner" as the reason she wanted to use that loo.

I think 'disabled' loos, parking spaces and bus spaces are often used by people who are entitled and know they shouldn't but take the stance that "it's not being used, so I'll be quick/ won't be 5 mins/ may as well use it".

"YABU as not everyone with disabilities can get a radar key!"

Anyone can get one. We have 3 between us to make sure there is always one available when we need to change ds who is incontinent.

Radar toilets are more usually in public places where they will be used for things such as drug taking if they are not kept locked.
It may be in this case the toilet is intended for more general use but if that is the case the signage on it should reflect that.

I've done that before - taken the last cubicle in a row, parked the buggy against the wall and kept the door open.

Was easy when I knew toilets were single sex.

Don't know what I'd do now as most female toilets move to being mixed gender toilets.

If I had a pram/buggy now - I'd use any large, lockable toilet I could find.

Yes, we need more disabled toilets, we need more changing room spaces and we need more family spaces. All of which are expensive and take up lots of space.

No one should ever have to pee with the door open- yuk!

I just peed behind the bushes alongside my toddler. Solves the problem entirely . Who needs toilets?

On a serious note though, I'm surprised at parents being so squeamish about this sort of thing when being a parent is sort of a huge exercise in public humiliation, much of it excrement-related.

Personally, I always left my DC in the pram directly outside the cubicle I was in and closed the door. My pushchair had an awkward brake and my DC had an extra clip on the harness to stop them wriggling out that was a pain to undo so steaaling them wouldn't have be the work of a minute. If the buggy couldn't fit outside the cubicle so I could see it under the door, I'd then use the disabled loo, furtively and ashamed.