To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

When my three children were little (ages baby, 1 and 2) I don't think I ever used the disabled toilet, unless mixed use. It was a fucking nightmare trying to use the loo with the three of them and my, shot to pieces, pelvic floor. In all those years I don't think I once saw a queue for the disabled.
I wish I'd just used the disabled now. I didn't out of consideration but reading this thread, disabled people on here seem to have absolutely zero consideration for how parents might struggle.

I wish I'd just used the disabled now. I didn't out of consideration but reading this thread, disabled people on here seem to have absolutely zero consideration for how parents might struggle.

Hmm.

@me4real

Lots of people with disabilities don't have a radar key, so if a place has a loo that requires one, it means they can't use it at all.

I checked the price for the most common type, and they are £3. I don’t think this is too much to pay.

While you're on, ask them to fit a changing places toilet, as the majority of standard disabled toilets are unfit for purpose for most people.
And I really don't understand why baby changing rooms don't generally have a toilet in either, so you could as them to do that too.
Only place I've ever seen a toilet in a baby change room is Asda for some strange reason. You'd think it's common sense.

@alltheemptyfields

Don't pretend mothers didn't need the loo 10 years ago, or didn't use the space they could 10 years ago

The door opened nonsense didn't cut it 10 years ago either.

What do you think mothers used to do before disabled people campaigned for disabled toilets?

I have never needed to use a disabled toilet, and I'm shocked at the entitlement of people on here, I managed to take the car seat into the toilet, or take the baby and leave the pram outside, or yes on occasion pee with the door open. It's wasn't easy, but I'm not an entitled twat so I just got on with it.

Was this the aquarium in Plymouth? I recall using the disabled toilet there as the women's toilet was not big enough to get a pram inside. I was there on my own so.no one to look after DC in pram while I went.

They are also lacking a buggy park. The building is a bit dated for a family attraction.

YANBU to wish that people without disabilities do not use disabled toilets.

YABVU to challenge/judge (be "surprised") others leaving either leaving the loo/trying the handle or using the loo after you. You are not the toilet police.

My DNiece (mid 20s) doesnt look disabled, but has recently spent 2 months in hospital and has had an emergency ileostomy which she is struggling to manage and come to terms with the changes to her body, and the judgement and challenges she gets from others needing the disabled loo, even after she says she needs to use it, is just shocking. The last one she got so frustrated with them continuing to challenge her she flashed her bandages/scars and stoma bag at them to shut them up before storming off in tears.

She isnt going out often yet, she pyschs herself up, gets her little bag sorted with the bits she needs to empty her stoma bag but at least 1/2 the time someone challenges her and these people who, should know better than anyone, are sadly putting her off going out.

All these people on here saying they used to pee with the door open when DC were little, presumably didn't have children at a time when everyone has a phone with a camera on them at all times.

You can't go to the aquarium now at all because of the toilet situation?

Your limiting yourself, there are facilities there that can cater for you. This could have been a one off today or maybe next time you'll have to wait again for other users before you can go in. Not all disabilities are visible.

I believe you can be more understanding in this situation. It isn't like you had to wait in a festival like queue for the ladies.

Let's be kind and understanding of each other?!

I am not sorry you didn't convince anyone, despite your indignation at the idea of a young mother using available facilities.

Goodness, it's never possible to convince the over entitled not to be over entitled. Not when it's gone that far. I certainly didn't set out to convince you otherwise. I know you and others like you wouldn't be able to make the mental shift to do that. Just making an observation how people have changed. For the worse.

All these people on here saying they used to pee with the door open when DC were little, presumably didn't have children at a time when everyone has a phone with a camera on them at all times.

No. Although not one single person has cited that as the reason why they don't do it. Good argument for not having mixed sex provision though isn't it. That layer of voyeurism is generally down to the men.

I totally and utterly agree with the OP. Cannot believe people think this is acceptable. Get a grip - go to the end, put the park outside and use the toilet. Completely precious behaviour.

For the record I am not a user of disabled toilets I just think people need to get over themselves. They are designated for a specific purpose they are not for family use just because you want to. Honestly, what happened to common decency?

@Jorrris

All these people on here saying they used to pee with the door open when DC were little, presumably didn't have children at a time when everyone has a phone with a camera on them at all times.

No. Although not one single person has cited that as the reason why they don't do it. Good argument for not having mixed sex provision though isn't it. That layer of voyeurism is generally down to the men.

Not necessarily.

Teenage girls may find it funny someone is peeing/pooping with the door open and post it to TikTok or whatever - as you say people have changed for the worse.

Also there is an argument that men will say they are transgender to access the female toilets (see feminist board, not getting into it here) and if that was the case then it leaves mothers very vulnerable, don't you think?

(also people who practice religion where they cannot allow others to see them nude or whatever may not appreciate going to the toilet with the door open)

I wish I'd just used the disabled now. I didn't out of consideration but reading this thread, disabled people on here seem to have absolutely zero consideration for how parents might struggle.

Well I’ve just read the whole thread and my take on it is that the majority of entitled parents on here have absolutely no idea how much disabled people struggle. There’s zero consideration for anyone but themselves.

This thread is vile. Disabled toilets are for disabled people. The clue is in the name. I became disabled 25yrs ago when I was pregnant with DS2. I rarely used disabled toilets until he was about 6. Even now if I’m having a better day and am on my crutches I will leave it free for someone who might need it more than me. And by that I don’t mean someone with a pram.

There’s not enough disabled toilets as it is. Companies get away with providing the bare minimum. If you want bigger spaces then campaign for family toilets.

Although now you've said that, it reminds of an incident a few years ago where a remote camera had been put in the accessible toilet in a cafe. The only toilet and a mixed sex facility for everyone to share. I believe they found the perpetrator sitting in the cafe watching women pee on his phone. Obviously targeted that particular toilet / cafe for a reason.

@DanielTigersMummy21

All these people on here saying they used to pee with the door open when DC were little, presumably didn't have children at a time when everyone has a phone with a camera on them at all times.

My youngest is 8, so yeah I'd say during a time with camera phones, but as I said I'm not an entitled asshole.

Disabled toilets are for disabled people

I completely agree, but half the time they're the only accessible ones for parents too.
Lots even have changing tables in there.
Surely the problem isn't at either parents or disabled people's doors, it's the fact there aren't enough accessible toilets in the first place.
That's what should be addressed.

Goodness, it's never possible to convince the over entitled not to be over entitled. Not when it's gone that far. I certainly didn't set out to convince you otherwise. I know you and others like you wouldn't be able to make the mental shift to do that. Just making an observation how people have changed. For the worse.

I had 2 kids 10 years ago! It's not the Middle Age!
What on earth do you think has changed so much in 10 years?
That's what I mean by making stuff up. I can ask my grand-mother about the toilet situation back in the 1940s, I wasn't born, but the "back in the olden days" 10 years ago.. Give me a break, I was there. Clearly in a different town as yours, as women didn't pee or deal with their periods with the door opened anymore than they do today.

I totally and utterly agree with the OP. Cannot believe people think this is acceptable. Get a grip - go to the end, put the park outside and use the toilet. Completely precious behaviour.

I would not be comfortable going for a poo with the door open. Sorry if that makes me precious.
If there are limited changing facilities available I would also not be comfortable lying my child on the floor in the public toilets so everyone can see me change their nappy instead of just doing it quickly I’m the disabled one that no one is using.

Also there is an argument that men will say they are transgender to access the female toilets (see feminist board, not getting into it here) and if that was the case then it leaves mothers very vulnerable, don't you think

That scenario leaves all women vulnerable. Not just mothers. And just like people without disabilities shouldn't be using the disabled toilet provision, males shouldn't be using the women's toilets, no matter how they identify. Moving out of the ladies and taking over the disabled loos instead is not the answer. It just makes life harder for people with disabilities instead. 🤷

@TheFairyCaravan

I wish I'd just used the disabled now. I didn't out of consideration but reading this thread, disabled people on here seem to have absolutely zero consideration for how parents might struggle.

Well I’ve just read the whole thread and my take on it is that the majority of entitled parents on here have absolutely no idea how much disabled people struggle. There’s zero consideration for anyone but themselves.

This thread is vile. Disabled toilets are for disabled people. The clue is in the name. I became disabled 25yrs ago when I was pregnant with DS2. I rarely used disabled toilets until he was about 6. Even now if I’m having a better day and am on my crutches I will leave it free for someone who might need it more than me. And by that I don’t mean someone with a pram.

There’s not enough disabled toilets as it is. Companies get away with providing the bare minimum. If you want bigger spaces then campaign for family toilets.

This

You waited for one person to finish in the bathroom before you could go and one person was waiting after you came out. That is less than I would be expecting to wait at a busy attraction like an aquarium.

I’m sorry for your condition and your hardship but you can’t expect other women to go to the toilet with the door open in a public space, nor can you police who can and can’t use a public bathroom.

Now if there was a line of mother’s waiting to use the 1 disabled bathroom I would say that it would have been nice for them to offer for you to go first. But that wasn’t the case here

What on earth do you think has changed so much in 10 years?

The level of entitlement.

Surely the problem isn't at either parents or disabled people's doors, it's the fact there aren't enough accessible toilets in the first place.
That's what should be addressed.

Spot on.
The only times I’ve used a disabled toilet is because I needed to change a nappy and they’re the only ones that have the changing table.
I know a lot of places are limited on space. But a couple of extra accessible, mixed sex toilets with changing facilities would solve so many issues.

@MonicaGB

You had no idea whether the person in the accessible toilets was disabled. It's not disability top trumps.

This.

My friend had a colostomy bag in her early 20s with 2 children. I was with her in a taxi once when it leaked - it wasn't pretty.

You OP would have assumed she wasn't entitled to take her time in the disabled toilet by looking at her.

I'm sorry things are shit for you OP, but not all disabilities are visible and quite often now the toilets are called accessible WC's rather than a disabled toilet.

You sound very defeatist in your posts and when you say where can you go to a toilet without a queue of mothers - well there wasn't a queue of mothers there was one already in there and one waiting outside.

I'm covered by the DDA act, I have a blue badge but thankfully toileting isnt one of my issues. If it were though and I was judged to be an arsehole just for walking out of a disabled toilet then maybe I would feel hated and as bad about myself as you do.

You are potentially putting onto others what you believe they are putting on to you.

Why should a walking person with crohns and a full bag let someone in a wheelchair go first.

There is no right answer, it isn't a competition.