To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

Oh, sorry, I meant it didn’t offend me,m. It just made me think you’re quite rude, dear.

I seriously doubt the "public loo companionship and oversharing" above

Just because you don't believe it doesn't mean it isn't true. People clearly had more respect once. And women helped eachother out. Yep, even strangers. I guess that can be hard to understand when you can't see why it's wrong to just use the disabled loos. 🤷

@starfishmummy

Every disabled toilet with a radar key I have seen to date, has a sign saying our staff will open this door for you, just ask.

And not every disabled person can read a sign like that.

Nor can every disabled person ask!

@Kanaloa

Oh, sorry, I meant it didn’t offend me,m. It just made me think you’re quite rude, dear.

That's ok if you want to think that. No stress 😂

So someone that has a sickness bug should just shit themselves in a queue rather than rush to the empty disabled accessible loo?

I've heard disabled people saying they would rather people shit themselves in the street than use the disabled.

So this has gone from a totally not made up anecdote about a former college to multiple disabled people saying that?

It was one person I worked with. I've told this story on here before and a wheelchair user on here agreed that absolutely no excuse for none disabled person to use the toilet even if it meant they shit themselves.

@alltheemptyfields

I absolutely agree that nobody can or should judge any person - with or without a pram - and assume they don’t have a valid need to use an accessible toilet. I try to see the best in all people. That said, on these threads, people fall over to tell you they don’t have any sort of additional need and use the accessible toilets anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does. YABU for this statement, no one should have to use a public toilet with the door open. Privacy while having a shit should be a basic right for anyone.
They need to make toilets accessible for parents if a parents choices are to use the disabled toilets or an open toilet. And yeah sorry I'd use the disabled toilet in her situation.

She didn't stop you using the loo yet you challenged her on her using the loo, would you rather have pressured/shamed someone into telling you about their personal medical problems?

By all means make requests for more/better facilities but not radar keys. They exclude legitimate users.

I have been out with my disabled Mum when she has been caught out by a disabled loo with a radar key. Most of the time she can manage in a normal toilet but it depends upon the exact facilities available and how mobile she is on any given day.

I agree with the OP - a dedicated disabled loo should be accessed by RADAR key. Everyone who needs access to a dedicated disabled loo will have one.

Yes, there should be many more ‘family’ style loos too, with baby change facilities and space for prams. Dads can equally well be out with a baby/toddler/young child, so where should they go if they, or the children, need the loo?

The two things are separate issues, but as someone else pointed out, if it’s an issue that affects you personally, lobby for change.

I still can’t get round the ‘like everyone else does.’ I don’t believe ‘everyone else’ does this, it’s definitely not a common occurrence where I live to see a woman using the toilet with the door open having left her pram outside. As I said upthread, I use the disabled toilets myself but I would rather wait for someone else to use them than have them using the toilet with the door open.

@Kendodd

People with disabilities are people. Some are nice people, some are not nice people. I don’t understand your point as the majority of people are compassionate and understand that there are times in life when an otherwise healthy, able bodied person may need the toilet urgently. I think you’d be hard pushed to find someone who’d happily let another human being soil themselves simply to be pedantic.

I haven't read all the replies, but yes, YABU if you mean you expect a mum with a pram to sit on the bog with the door wedged open with her pram?!
As if lol
No way would I have done that when mine were pram age, surely others wouldn't either?!
Nor would you expect to go to the toilet whilst leaving your child outside where you can't see them.
YABU

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon

By all means make requests for more/better facilities but not radar keys. They exclude legitimate users.

I have been out with my disabled Mum when she has been caught out by a disabled loo with a radar key. Most of the time she can manage in a normal toilet but it depends upon the exact facilities available and how mobile she is on any given day.

I am sorry that your Mum has had this issue, but is there a reason why she doesn’t have a RADAR key? I haven’t needed to buy one recently, but from memory it only cost £2.

You are not qualified to decide who NEEDS them, and a pram tells you nothing.

Did you actually read the thread. No I can't tell. But, plenty of people here have already admitted to doing that even though they don't have a disability, they just feel entitled to the space. I'm responding to that.
So no, you don't need to worry as youre making your way into the disabled loo with your buggy. I won't be challenging you out in public. Even if you happen to be one of the entitled many. You keep doing you. 👍

And on that note, I'm out. There's only so much time can be spent debating a point with people who really only give a shit about themselves.

@Jorrris if we could go back in time and pop an accessible loo in, I would bet my house that the majority of women would use it rather than piss with the door open or handing thier baby over.

Op, without sounding rude you say you can't go back to the aquarium as you might have to wait for the toilet but realistically that's a possibility anyway as another disabled person may be using it and depending on their disability may take a lot longer than a non disabled person using it for reasons such as the pram however saying that I don't think people should use the disabled toilet if they don't need to - I think the solution to this in any establishment is having more than one disabled toilet and having facilities for parents and children because it's completely unfair to suggest a person should use the toilet with the cubicle door open for many reasons.

Many disabled people are low income and you want them to spend money on a radar key so that mothers with prams don’t benefit from the facilities?

It’s an accessible toilet, not a disabled toilet. If somebody needs a larger space then they are entitled to use it, I include mother’s with prams in this.

Jorrris

again, you don't get to decide if it's a valid reason or not. Just because someone doesn't have a blue badge doesn't mean they are not entitled to the space.

Despite your "door opened - women helping strangers in the loo" nonsense.

so you're suggesting someone degrade themselves to use the toilet? would you like an equivalent suggestion made to you? e.g. why didn't you attempt to use a toilet you couldn't actually access in a dignified manner? because that's what you're saying.

This is an issue with the facilities at that particular place. Your gripe should be with them. The woman shouldn't have been so impatient no, but neither should we have to try and cram a pram into a small toilet or shit with the door open for all to see.

you're also forgetting about double buggies. that's just impossible to get through the door of most toilets let alone the cubicle. Yes leaving two small kids either outside or blocking the toilets is what we should do...

We had disabled loos 10 years ago. Women didn't generally take them over then. If you searched back far enough on Mumsnet you would see attitudes were quite different. It's not a long period of time really but a huge shift in attitude and entitlement.

Despite your "door opened - women helping strangers in the loo" nonsense.

That's a thing as well isn't it. Doesn't suit your narrative so must be nonsense. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.

Don't pretend mothers didn't need the loo 10 years ago, or didn't use the space they could 10 years ago

The door opened nonsense didn't cut it 10 years ago either.

Lots of people with disabilities don't have a radar key, so if a place has a loo that requires one, it means they can't use it at all.

@Jorrris

Despite your "door opened - women helping strangers in the loo" nonsense.

That's a thing as well isn't it. Doesn't suit your narrative so must be nonsense. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.

My dear, when you need to make stuff up and start personal attack when you disagree, your argument is not going very well. I am not sorry you didn't convince anyone, despite your indignation at the idea of a young mother using available facilities.