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Original poster

'Friend' made a comment about my hair and I'm so fucking angry with her.

310 replies

LordOfTheThings · 09/08/2021 13:41

I'm a year post chemo. My hair has grown back but it's nowhere near as thick as it was before I lost it but it's ok, I'm still here so I can live with it.

I keep it quite short (long pixie type cut), partly because it's still not grown as much as I would have liked and partly because it starts to look even thinner if I try to grow it longer.

Friend, and I use the term loosely as she's really a friend of a friend said 'I much preferred your hair before, why do you keep it so short now I'm not sure you suit it'. I, being a fucking mug, just kind of mumbled a stupid reply and walked off and I'm so cross with myself. I think I was so taken aback.

I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either. Maybe I'm just super sensitive but I'm SO upset. I want to message her and tell her I think she was out of order but not sure if I'm just being super touchy?

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 10/08/2021 19:10

Send that fucking message to the bitch

Kisskiss · 10/08/2021 19:12

@LordOfTheThings

Well I thought I'd update all you lovely lot.

I did message her last night and just said that I'd been a bit taken aback by her comment as I'd found it insensitive and hurtful, particularly as she knew my situation.

She read it last night but didn't respond til this afternoon with 'I'm sorry you felt that way, I didn't realise you were so sensitive about it'. I'm not responding because, quite frankly, I just can't.

I didn't tell our mutual friend because she's quite lovely and it's not her problem, I don't want her to feel in the middle of it. I just won't spend any more time in the other woman's company and if the reason why comes up, I'll tell her then I suppose.

“I’m sorry You feel that way”?!?!? What a bitch… you’re not ‘sensitive’ about it, she’s just a massive d*ckhead . Sorry you have to deal with someone like that ..
DrSbaitso · 10/08/2021 19:17

"You didn't realise a person who had chemotherapy would be sensitive about their hair loss? You should never talk to anyone ever again if that's your level of social intellect. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off."

HeechulOppa · 10/08/2021 19:18

At this stage you need to buy a large, gift-wrapped dildo and mail it to her with detailed instructions, so she knows exactly how to go fuck herself

StoneofDestiny · 10/08/2021 19:19

She is a hideous human

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/08/2021 19:20

@HeechulOppa

At this stage you need to buy a large, gift-wrapped dildo and mail it to her with detailed instructions, so she knows exactly how to go fuck herself
funny but no. this vile person deserves not a second more of OP's time.

@LordOfTheThings

if you give me her address I'd be happy to send a parcel of fox poo with a note "someone thinks you're shit"

Original poster
LordOfTheThings · 10/08/2021 19:29

The thing is, I wasn't particularly 'sensitive' about it at the time. With everything else that was going on, it didn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. I thought it would devastate me and although I didn't exactly love it, my priority was kind of just not dying, so once I got over the shock, it was just one of those things that happens when you have some cancer treatments.

I just felt her comment was just really fucking mean (which I know sounds childish!). It bothered me more than it should have done I suppose.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 10/08/2021 19:34

Her comment was unspeakably mean. We all think so. Can you just block her on social media and have nothing more to do with her?

StoneofDestiny's description is very apt.

ThorIsAGod · 10/08/2021 20:07

@LordOfTheThings

The thing is, I wasn't particularly 'sensitive' about it at the time. With everything else that was going on, it didn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. I thought it would devastate me and although I didn't exactly love it, my priority was kind of just not dying, so once I got over the shock, it was just one of those things that happens when you have some cancer treatments.

I just felt her comment was just really fucking mean (which I know sounds childish!). It bothered me more than it should have done I suppose.

Not childish at all but yes fucking mean! I agree
doesthiscomewithfries · 10/08/2021 20:17

I don't think I've read anything so fucking callous and cold hearted before.

You sound awesome. Don't waste another second on this shit for brains.

But if it's a small village I know what that's like. I would send a screen shot to your mutual friend and maybe a choice few friends... the ones who know everyone.

ANY sane person can see she's an utter twat. Anyone who can't isn't worth your time and energy Thanks

littlebilliie · 10/08/2021 20:18

I'm 6 months post Chemo and my hair is the same so thinking of keeping it short. I thought I was channeling a bohemian chic look until in a well know shop was mis gendered by a shop assistant I could have cried

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2021 20:35

Wow. Didn’t think I could be more shocked than I was at the first comment.

The ONLY acceptable response from her should have been an immediate “I am so sorry - what an idiot I am, I completely understand why you were hurt and I’m mortified.”

Her non-apology is just… mean doesn’t really adequately cover it.

TonkinLenkicks · 10/08/2021 20:41

Even if she doesn’t know your story it’s still rude. Who tf comments on someone’s appearance? I do think you should make it known to her that you’re actually pretty upset about the comment. Also don’t be too hard on yourself, we’ve all been there when something happens and reflect afterwards how you wished you’d responded.

TonkinLenkicks · 10/08/2021 20:43

Just read your update (sorry!) she sounds delightful. It’s along the lines of ‘I’m sorry if you think I was rude’. Sack her off!

StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 10/08/2021 20:49

@LordOfTheThings she's an incredibly selfish bitch to have sent that reply never mind the awfulness of the original comment.
@Ellie56 has it in one.
Hope you're doing well now. And if you ever get the opportunity to exact revenge, I wish you well with it.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 10/08/2021 20:57

What a twat

flossletsfloss · 10/08/2021 21:03

I'd send her a link to this thread. What a total nasty bitch.

mineofuselessinformation · 10/08/2021 21:07

Thing is, @LordOfTheThings, it is a really mean and thoughtless thing to say.
You're not sensitive to think it is.

I just wrote a massive post centred around immuno-suppressant drugs and chemotherapy. But, it was more around how I would have reacted, and I'm not you. (And it wasn't me who had either treatment.)

So I'll give you this instead:
In your head, because I know you have too much dignity to do it, satisfy yourself with mentally composing 'I've posted about your remark on a well-known forum. Lots of people there have offered to donate you some empathy, because you seem to be lacking in that department.'
Or, (also mentally), tell her to fuck off - but cut her off in real life. And if your good friend asks, tell her what happened. You don't need to feel you should cover for someone who is a shit.
All the very best to you. Thanks

lifeinlimbo2020 · 10/08/2021 21:22

@FlamingoQueen awww. My sister has chemo curl and for the third time it's come back so thick and dark too. @LordOfTheThings that person (not friend) is an absolute twat, maybe send a few screenshots of this thread to give her a clue about empathy and, god forbid, sympathy... understanding... kindness. I am gobsmacked. Sorry that people are such twats and you were on the end of it. All the best wishes for you going forward.

OnsJabeurforPM · 11/08/2021 18:13

@LordOfTheThings Some people dont think before they talk. I do it too, though try not to. It can be bad but its not the worst trait. She might have literally never made the connection between your haircut and your cancer.

I would message something like "hey regarding your comment about my hair the other day - you know, i preferred my haircut before too, ive got it like this because of the cancer - not sure if you realise?"

See what she says.

No point if quietly fuming when she may not even realise what she did and will probably feel v sorry. If not, then yeh shes not very kind...

All my sympathies for the cancer and all the crap that comes with it! Must be so hard. [Flowers]

QueenBee52 · 11/08/2021 18:23

[quote OnsJabeurforPM]@LordOfTheThings Some people dont think before they talk. I do it too, though try not to. It can be bad but its not the worst trait. She might have literally never made the connection between your haircut and your cancer.

I would message something like "hey regarding your comment about my hair the other day - you know, i preferred my haircut before too, ive got it like this because of the cancer - not sure if you realise?"

See what she says.

No point if quietly fuming when she may not even realise what she did and will probably feel v sorry. If not, then yeh shes not very kind...

All my sympathies for the cancer and all the crap that comes with it! Must be so hard. [Flowers][/quote]

did you read ANY of the thread ?

ANY OF IT ?

mineofuselessinformation · 11/08/2021 19:09

What @QueenBee52 said - in spades.

QueenBee52 · 14/10/2021 02:25

@LordOfTheThings

Hi OP...

I just wanted to ask how you were doing.... I hope you're feeling improved 🌸

SpeakingFranglais · 14/10/2021 05:31

Well, she’s just proved that she didn’t make any mistakes and she is just nasty. Not only was she mean but now she’s blaming you for overreacting!

What a cow.

Quirrelsotherface · 14/10/2021 05:49

*BrutusMcDogface

MrsHamlet

My best friend has cancer. She has no hair at the moment.
Given the choice, I'd prefer her to have hair. But I'd rather she be as bald as a coot to try to kill the cancer.
I know this was well intentioned, but YOU’D rather she had hair?! For goodness sake*

You've completely misinterpreted that.