'Friend' made a comment about my hair and I'm so fucking angry with her.

[LordOfTheThings]

I'm a year post chemo. My hair has grown back but it's nowhere near as thick as it was before I lost it but it's ok, I'm still here so I can live with it.

I keep it quite short (long pixie type cut), partly because it's still not grown as much as I would have liked and partly because it starts to look even thinner if I try to grow it longer.

Friend, and I use the term loosely as she's really a friend of a friend said 'I much preferred your hair before, why do you keep it so short now I'm not sure you suit it'. I, being a fucking mug, just kind of mumbled a stupid reply and walked off and I'm so cross with myself. I think I was so taken aback.

I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either. Maybe I'm just super sensitive but I'm SO upset. I want to message her and tell her I think she was out of order but not sure if I'm just being super touchy?

OP
I have not read the whole thread. But.
I have had breast cancer, my hair fell out during chemo and i have had a mastectomy.
I totally get where you are coming from.
Your "friend" is an insensitive idiot and I would really distance myself from her.

However in my experience having had cancer, many many people really have absolutely no idea whatsoever what it is like to have cancer and be treated for it, even if the evidence is right there staring in their face.
Take care x

@Espee of course, not the non-apology the OP received.

A 100% honest reply has the advantage of weeding out the nasty from the ill informed.
A nice person on getting an honest response from you would be grovelling apologetic and much more mindful in future.
A nasty person won’t.

Ah, well having read her response, she is both a dim bulb and a bit of a nasty fucker.
Was going to counsel benefit of doubt (we all say something plain stupid sometimes) but clearly the ship has sailed.

[quote Pottedpalm]@Espee of course, not the non-apology the OP received.[/quote]
So sorry I had not been aware of the further communication between the OP and the insensitive ex friend. She is a cow.

I can't imagine making that sort of comment to a friend under any circumstances. Why can't people just try to build each other up? My friend's hair is just growing back as she's in remission from cancer too and it's such a wonderful thing to see that I'd think it was beautiful even if it was growing out of her ears and nose rather than the top of her head!

Why is it that nasty bullies always resort to "don't be so SENSITIVE!" when called out? I guess it's less uncomfortable for them than admitting they are enormous cockwombles.

OP you are not being "sensitive" - SHE said something that is hurtful, tactless, inconsiderate, unnecessary and stupid. This fallout is all on her and it's got nothing to do with you.

Incidentally if this had happened in the workplace, at least where I work, she'd be looking at a written warning for bullying.

Congrats on being a year post-treatment OP! I know it's easier said than done but please try not to give this waste of space any more thought.

Why not text and say "Dear x, the reason my hair looks different is the effect of the chemotherapy I had for my cancer. LordoftheThings" (no kisses)

Good idea. Then forget her. I’m glad your treatment was successful. Now I hope you can enjoy life and don’t let stupid people take a moment of your attention.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

does she know you went through chemo?

if yes, she's a vile cunt

if no, then her comment is neither here nor there but I'd still be angry too.

gentle hugs, I hope bastard cancer has now fucked off and will never return. ❤

My thoughts also.

Maybe she didn’t know about the cancer. If so, still not a nice comment, but not so bad.

If she did know about the cancer, then that’s awful.

Sending you hugs (nine years on for me).

She’s really mean and honestly not worth your time anymore. Possibly a good thing you’ve found out now before she did something mean.
I’m sure it’s absolutely brilliant to have hair after having not had any and that you look great.

Omg what an absolute twat she is cancer or not it's not ok to comment on someone else's appearance without being asked unless it's to tell them they look fucking amazing!the fact she knew about the chemo and still made that comment just wow. I hope she is at home kicking herself like another poster said! Op normally I would just ignore as well but I think you should call her out on this a text similar to whats been said above short and to the point if she's an anyway decent person she will be mortified and maybe she will think twice before making insensitive personal comments again. Op well done and congrats on beating cancer. You are amazing wear your short hair with pride cos you are a super hero much love and respect to you. X

Some people are just not able to empathise. She sounds like a sociopath.

I wouldn’t dream of saying it a friend ‘I preferred your hair the other way etc’ even without having undergone treatment for cancer.

You’re right to use the term loosely.

Her comment was mean, you're not being childish!

No, that’s outrageous. I’d call her out straight away. It was rude and insensitive. Tell her that her insensitive comment really upset you - you’d love to have it back how it was, but this is what cancer does and it won’t grow longer. So she’ll have to lump it.

Sorry, just caught up. She’s managed to turn it back on you rather than properly apologise. Suggests she has zero empathy, so you’re right to stay away! All the best OP

She really is spectacularly insensitive, thoughtless and mean.
How on earth she could not have grovelled in apology after your message is beyond words.

When my sister's hair was growing back after chemo we all made super efforts with the compliments about how well it was growing, great colour and natural style etc. etc.

She obviously is not a pleasant person at all and of course you should give her a wide birth in future as who on earth wants to be friends with somebody with zero compassion and such meanness in them.

OP she's a very STRANGE, nasty person.
Probably as someone mentioned a sociopath.

You are NOT so sensitive. You have every right to feel hurt by her comment.

Well done OP for getting through everything so far. You have scaled mountains. She is a tiny rock on the road. Move past knowing she is 100% failing as a compassionate individual but that you are doing it so well.

A friend would be mortified that they'd been so insensitive, she sounds like she's suggesting you're the one with the problem. Cow.

Her reply is as cold as fuck. What an absolute self absorbed cow. If you do mention in passing to the mutual friend surely she's completely cleared you of any need to save her face.

I'd be bloody blunt "what about self absorbed bitch?"
" Oh no, she doesn't like my new look, so I'm saving her from having to see it now" .
She needs a box with mirrors on the inside so she can just see what she wants all day and noone else will be forced to engage with the unfeeling cow

I’d be very tempted to go back with…

“I don’t think you understand. I was doing you a favour by pointing out your INsensitivity, not my sensitivity. I’d suggest you avoid future embarrassment by keeping views on others personal appearance to yourself.”

Put her in her place!

THIS IS A THREAD FROM AUGUST WITH NO NEW UPDATE

OP messaged the 'friend' explaining her upset and got a curt response from the 'friend' along the lines of 'I didn't realise you were so sensitive'

OP now won't be seeing this lady again

The End.

Oh god this is exactly the kind of thing my autistic DD would say.

Wow, that reply though wtf.

Congratulations on your health and your lovely hair growing back, however short it may be at the moment.

I'd steer clear from now on of her as a person, she is unbelievably ignorant, rude and vile. Surround yourself with people who are actually human beings. You are not 'sensitive', she needs to take some social mannerism classes.

Did you send her the certificate?