Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Friend' made a comment about my hair and I'm so fucking angry with her.

310 replies

LordOfTheThings · 09/08/2021 13:41

I'm a year post chemo. My hair has grown back but it's nowhere near as thick as it was before I lost it but it's ok, I'm still here so I can live with it.

I keep it quite short (long pixie type cut), partly because it's still not grown as much as I would have liked and partly because it starts to look even thinner if I try to grow it longer.

Friend, and I use the term loosely as she's really a friend of a friend said 'I much preferred your hair before, why do you keep it so short now I'm not sure you suit it'. I, being a fucking mug, just kind of mumbled a stupid reply and walked off and I'm so cross with myself. I think I was so taken aback.

I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either. Maybe I'm just super sensitive but I'm SO upset. I want to message her and tell her I think she was out of order but not sure if I'm just being super touchy?

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/08/2021 17:32

@LordOfTheThings

I'm just finishing the lovely calligraphy on the "Congratulations, you are a fucking cunt" certificate for her and will pop it in the mail soon.

SunshineCake · 10/08/2021 17:36

@MrsHamlet

Not much of a friend if her hair status even makes your thought process Perhaps if you'd read any of my other comments you'd have understood the context. Losing her hair was the thing she was most afraid of. I couldn't care less about her hair FOR me.
I've only just read our interaction and it did read differently to me the second time. Apologies.
tobedtoMNandfart · 10/08/2021 17:36

Well I'm raging at that response. She basically said "I'm not sorry. If you have a problem with what I said it's your fault".

Birminghambloke · 10/08/2021 17:39

That response is very insulting. Everyone knows that “I’m sorry you felt that way” is a non apology. That and the reference to being sensitive puts it entirely you. Ok, a person’s reaction is their reaction, but no understanding at all as to why you might be a bit more sensitive. She’s awful. A “I’m sorry my comment upset you. Please know that wasn’t my intention” would be a little better. Better still reference to not thinking and thanking for drawing to attention so don’t repeat etc.

MrsHamlet · 10/08/2021 17:40

I refer you to my first comment: she is a bitch. Appalling comment and appalling response.
Definitely someone you can do without in your life.

CallmeHendricks · 10/08/2021 17:41

Wow! That was her response after you told her you were upset?!
If there was any doubt before, then that has removed it.
What an absolute bitch! Keep clear.
And Thanks for you.

Cornwallnewbie · 10/08/2021 17:41

When I read your post yesterday I thought she was just one of those people who doesn’t think and hadn’t made the connection between you hair and your illness. But that’s an awful reply. She’s no loss to you!

Vates · 10/08/2021 17:42

Cow to the extreme! Ditch her. Give your attention, time and energy to yourself and those that show they care and are thoughtful, kind, etc. She's a grade A knob head!

RubyGoat · 10/08/2021 17:48

What an absolute prize bitch. I'd block her & not speak to her again. And if anyone actually asks, I'd quietly tell them why. I used to be really shy, polite & diplomatic, even if other people weren't. After many years of illness I have no fucks left to give.

ChequerBoard · 10/08/2021 17:49

Just read the update. She is just not worth your time OP. Drop her and if anyone asks why, tell them the reason.

It's unforgivable, frankly.

momtoboys · 10/08/2021 17:51

@LordOfTheThings

Well I thought I'd update all you lovely lot.

I did message her last night and just said that I'd been a bit taken aback by her comment as I'd found it insensitive and hurtful, particularly as she knew my situation.

She read it last night but didn't respond til this afternoon with 'I'm sorry you felt that way, I didn't realise you were so sensitive about it'. I'm not responding because, quite frankly, I just can't.

I didn't tell our mutual friend because she's quite lovely and it's not her problem, I don't want her to feel in the middle of it. I just won't spend any more time in the other woman's company and if the reason why comes up, I'll tell her then I suppose.

I cannot believe what an awful human this person is. Don't give her another minute of your time. Not one minute.
Graphista · 10/08/2021 17:55

Nasty fucking bitch! If I were you I'd be telling her to stay the hell away from you from now on!

Block her on everything and tell connecting friend exactly why. Not because she needs to do anything but so she knows not to have the two of you meeting her at same time etc

I hate non apology crap! I mostly get it from customer service type people and I pull them up on it EVERY time. Worst offenders? Fucking dwp!

Perhaps one last message

"I'm not "over sensitive" I was appropriately offended by your nasty, offensive and insulting comment AND your pathetic lack of apology afterwards. I sincerely hope you are never in my position with someone saying similar to you"

Original poster
LordOfTheThings · 10/08/2021 18:02

I'm just finishing the lovely calligraphy on the "Congratulations, you are a fucking cunt" certificate for her and will pop it in the mail soon.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 10/08/2021 18:07

@LordOfTheThings

I'm just finishing the lovely calligraphy on the "Congratulations, you are a fucking cunt" certificate for her and will pop it in the mail soon.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba 🤣🤣🤣

I love Mumsnet 🤣

IdblowJonSnow · 10/08/2021 18:09

Hey op. Read your update and the old classic 'I'm sorry YOU feel that way' is a very narcissistic response. I'm sorry she's been such a cow - you're honestly better off without this 'friend' in your life. Flowers

Haywirecity · 10/08/2021 18:16

I'm a bit of a foot in my mouth person so I'm always up for giving people a second chance to rectify, but really, even I can't find a way to dig her out of that hole.

I love the way you were so dignified in what you said, honestly, it just makes her look even worse. Space, like 2 fucking planets away, is definitely the best option.

pocoyoyoyo · 10/08/2021 18:18

I'm astounded at her response, yeah she's a bitch 🤦‍♀️

CoraPirbright · 10/08/2021 18:20

I actually gasped out loud when I read your update. If being generous, you could have put her initial comment to you down to her being a bit of a thoughtless moron. However her non-apology makes it clear that she is....well, I am not sure utter bitch really even comes anywhere close to covering it. She is EVIL.

Sending someone a link to one of these threads is rarely a good idea...however in this case........

Daleksatemyshed · 10/08/2021 18:23

I'm sorry Op, what sort of a friend comments negatively on such a sensitive subject. I'm four years out of cancer treatment and my hair was a wreck for the first year or so, my DM pointed out that I had a bald spot but she had Dementia so I had to let it go! Your so called friend presumably is just being a shitbag.

NotMyCat · 10/08/2021 18:24

I didn't realise you were so sensitive over it?!
Fuck me Angry I would have exploded but I am not the most reasonable
My response would have probably been "sensitive?! I've had fucking cancer you dimwit, and you're as sensitive as a steamroller"

The only acceptable things are
"Your hair looks lovely"
General conversation about styles/colour

AuntMasha · 10/08/2021 18:34

Well, there’s an example of a non-apology from this nasty piece of work, plus a spot of victim-blaming using the OP’s sensitivity as a springboard. What. An. Utter. Wankstain. She. Is.

QueenBee52 · 10/08/2021 18:42

what is clear from your original post to your update is this...

This person DOES NOT LIKE YOU.. and enjoys putting you down.. relishes it in fact...

Take this opportunity to rid yourself of this vermin 🌸

RestingStitchFace · 10/08/2021 19:01

What a thoughtless, insensitive cow!

You've been given a second chance at life. Don't waste a second of it on such a 'friend', I'm sure there are far nicer people in your life who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Sincerely wishing you good health and happiness.

Ellie56 · 10/08/2021 19:03

@LordOfTheThings

Well I thought I'd update all you lovely lot.

I did message her last night and just said that I'd been a bit taken aback by her comment as I'd found it insensitive and hurtful, particularly as she knew my situation.

She read it last night but didn't respond til this afternoon with 'I'm sorry you felt that way, I didn't realise you were so sensitive about it'. I'm not responding because, quite frankly, I just can't.

I didn't tell our mutual friend because she's quite lovely and it's not her problem, I don't want her to feel in the middle of it. I just won't spend any more time in the other woman's company and if the reason why comes up, I'll tell her then I suppose.

I think you should respond with, "And I didn't realise you were such an insensitive monumental twat."
Luxplus · 10/08/2021 19:08

What a horrible person. She clearly no nothing about being a friend and manners.
Dds class mate passed away during summer break from cancer, got diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away within 7 weeks, cancer sucks.. ppl like your so called friend really need to educate themselves..
Flowers to you and your recovery