'Friend' made a comment about my hair and I'm so fucking angry with her.

[LordOfTheThings]

I'm a year post chemo. My hair has grown back but it's nowhere near as thick as it was before I lost it but it's ok, I'm still here so I can live with it.

I keep it quite short (long pixie type cut), partly because it's still not grown as much as I would have liked and partly because it starts to look even thinner if I try to grow it longer.

Friend, and I use the term loosely as she's really a friend of a friend said 'I much preferred your hair before, why do you keep it so short now I'm not sure you suit it'. I, being a fucking mug, just kind of mumbled a stupid reply and walked off and I'm so cross with myself. I think I was so taken aback.

I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either. Maybe I'm just super sensitive but I'm SO upset. I want to message her and tell her I think she was out of order but not sure if I'm just being super touchy?

[momtoboys]

If she knew you had cancer and said that anyway she is an awful human being. And by the way, I'll bet your pixie cut looks fabulous!

[AngryWhompingWillow]

@LordOfTheThings YANBU. So fucking rude. Even if you HADN'T had cancer.

I'm so sorry you had to tolerate this shit.

I would give her a wide berth from now on. She is not a 'friend'

[momtoboys]

Even if she didnt know...why on earth would you say that to ANYONE! I am angered on your behalf now!

[Libraryghost]

There are 1 of 2 things going on here, either she has said something unbelievably thoughtless and is at home now banging her head against a wall and wishing she was dead or she really is an utter bitch. Your response depends on what place you think the comment came from. I try to never comment on anyone’s appearance unless it’s a positive comment because cancer or not it’s only going to make feel someone feel like shit. Best wishes op.

[KaptainKaveman]

How awful OP.

Who on earth are the 4% voting YABU?

[PlanDeRaccordement]

It’s a thoughtless thing she said. Barring any ASD, which tends to result in thoughtless blurt outs that come across as rude and blunt, she owes you an apology. Assuming you even want to stay friends. If you don’t, then don’t bother with a message to her and just distance yourself from her.

[ItWasAgathaAllAlong]

Flipping heck - my own hairdresser is in recovery from breast cancer, and she would be fuming to read this.

For a woman, hair is such an important part of their self-esteem. Any friend worth their salt would never have made such a comment, especially if they knew your medical history.

Sadly, she's no friend of your now, OP. But please, be blunt (rude!) in your response to her. A previous pp had it right - and I'm paraphrasing, but I think this was the essence of it: you'd rather be alive with short hair and no breasts(s) than dead. And just watch her back-peddle with embarrassment

Good luck OP. You're stronger than you know.

[Toomuchtodoo]

She's very rude.
Why is it when women get together they feel the need to comment on their friends' hair, clothes, weight?
I don't see men doing it.

OP stuff her!
I bet you felt you looked and felt fine until she said something.
Concentrate on That. Tough I know.

[amijustparanoidorjuststoned]

OP, I'm so sorry you had to experience this today, and I am so glad you are doing better.

I'd be happy to have my very large dog poo on this woman's doorstep if that would make you feel better. She is awful!

[RampantIvy]

@Changechangychange

I did prefer my hair before. I also preferred having breasts before and not feeling constantly worried about cancer coming back either

Text that to her. She is either monumentally stupid, or a malicious bitch, and I wouldn’t want to stay friends with her either way.

I also think you should send this ^^

I am outraged on your behalf. What an incredibly insensitive thing to say.

I am baffled by the 4% who think YABU, unless it is because you haven't sent this message yet.

[Sewaccidentprone]

What a bitch.

I try to live by ‘if you can’t find anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all’

[eekbumbler]

I'm a proper put foot in it woman, but this was just wrong.

My friend - a good friend had cancer and lost her breast in her late 20's. Went out for dinner whilst she was mid chemo- we had not seen each other for a few years before her diagnoses.

So me innocently says about her 'hair' - is that real? She gave me a death stare and said are you being serious? I said I meant is it made from real hair?! Then we both laughed cos she knows I'm a twat who cannot word anything properly.

But this is just insensitive.

[aiwblam]

She’s an evil bully. It’s jaw dropping how many of these people we have among us. So terrible. I wouldn’t tackle her about it, it can’t end well.

[JoeyDeacon]

I had a similar comment post-chemo - that I’d always had lovely thick hair & now it was wispy & thin like my friend’s hair, so now I knew what it was like for her! People just don’t think. Your friend is an arse!

[QueenBee52]

Seeing your update OP..

She is a poisonous nasty witch and I would end all association with her .., honestly after everything you have gone through .. you know better than most that life is too precious to tolerate space for Scum ..,

surround yourself with people worthy of your precious time 🌸💕

[dottydodah]

WTF! Who on earth says this. Does she actually know how ill you have been? I would message her and tell her what you have told us! She is a rude and unfeeling bitch!

[ranoutofquinoaandprosecco]

for you. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. I've been there as well. I'm now at the not giving a toss stage!

[gingerbiscuits]

@Hungry675tf

No you're definitely not being over sensitive. She was being awful. I am raging for you

I'd text her something like what you've said to be honest. She doesn't care about your feelings so why on earth should you give a shit about hers. I'd also tell any mutual friends what she said in case she tries to control the narrative of the fallout.

100% agree! She was beyond insensitive & deserves some backlash! 😡 xxx

[Iusedtobesoooomuchfun]

Oh what a bitch.

Take the positive from it...

You have more intelligence and empathy then her.

Congratulations on beating it

[Squidthing]

Message her and let her know. She probably didn't think much of it but she needs to know she's hurt you and hopefully she'll think twice before commenting on someone's appearance in future.

[NotInGuatemalaNowDrRopata]

Mrs Hamlet summed it up perfectly in the first reply: she's a bitch. In fact she's a major bitch of epic proportions. Hugs to you

[Livinghereinallentown]

Vile woman. To know what you’ve been through and say something like that is just awful. I would absolutely tell her.
Hope your recovery is going well. Don’t let this derail you. 💐

[SquirryTheSquirrel]

Oops, wrong thread, I will ask for it to be deleted. Sorry

[whatsthataboutthen]

I have been in exactly the same position as you OP, also after chemo for breast cancer. People say the most ridiculous things.

You are correct in that it comes back differently, the shape of the hair follicle changes during chemo but it should change back and then it'll grow back.

In my case it grew back quite grey due to the shock of chemo drugs etc.

I'll never forget bravely posting my image when I was almost finished treatment, after 15 long months and during which i had lost all my hair including eyebrows and eyelashes. My head hair was starting to come back, and it was grey. Posted on FB with an image of me hooked up to my last chemo to say "nearly there, I am nearly there, not looking my best but I'm alive."

So called "friend" posted in reply on FB: "looking quite grey there, getting old now?"

I was 39.

And so bloody pissed off with her.

A year later the cancer came back and I was in intensive care for six weeks. Left hospital middle of December.

The same "friend" complained that I hadn't printed out any photos of my children to include in her Christmas card that year .."where are my photos of the children? Not sending their Christmas presents til I get them."

Never spoke to her again.