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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
spooney21 · 09/08/2021 10:58

I would never not just split the bill. Can't be arsed with all that, but I can afford to pay it and if I couldn't I wouldn't go to that particular restaurant/ night out etc. I would also expect to pay towards the birthday persons meal.

Collaborate · 09/08/2021 10:58

HAven't read the while thread but you mention you had a few lemonades. These can add up.

I'd imagine "a few" to be at least 4, if not more. Often soft drinks are, in restaurants, around £4 or more each.

I'd imagine that it's quite possible your drinks cost as much as the wine per head.

If you then think that you had cheaper food so should pay less I'd say YABU and wouldn't want to invite you out again.

If however your lemonade was really cheap and the alcohol really expensive someone should have piped up that you need to contribute less, but it's tiresome having to do that.

Eviethyme · 09/08/2021 10:58

I myself would not have wanted to pay £20 towards someone else's meal I just find the entire thought mind boggling.

Eviethyme · 09/08/2021 10:59

@Collaborate it says in oneofher posts her entire lot came to £19. So that's half price of what they asked for.

Shelby10 · 09/08/2021 10:59

No way should someone not drinking help cover other people’s booze. I am a cocktail and wine drinker and ALWAYS make sure others don’t end up paying more for my drinks.

HoppingPavlova · 09/08/2021 10:59

It's always best to sort this out up front - what does everyone want, is everyone happy with that or go the other way etc. It really sours it when it's the discussion once the bill comes.

One group I'm with always agrees up front to split as after several meals all bills were roughly the same on split. Those who didn't split are the type (in this group) to have 3 course with main being a high end steak. I tend to go for a small serve/cheap main only but like cocktails and wine. Works out in the wash but we do always check up front in case maybe one of the no alcohol/large eaters is on a diet or something. If you don't know people or know it's not going to be even then just address it up front, not afterwards.

liveforsummer · 09/08/2021 11:00

No, I usually do have alcohol at a meal and I'm always mindful to sport out the bill with the ones who didn't drink in mind. They shouldn't be subsiding that. You definitely weren't unreasonable and you shouldn't need to state it before hand either

TooOldandTired · 09/08/2021 11:00

YANBU, I don't drink and my friends will always ask do I want to pay separately but I don't usually bother because there isn't that much difference as they don't drinks lots and I have a couple of cokes which cost the same as 1/2 a bottle of wine. They should have offered and certainly shouldn't be annoyed when you asked.
Having said that I'd love to know where you ate to get a meal and a few lemonades (which are normally £2-£3 each) for £19.

grafittiartist · 09/08/2021 11:00

My friends and I always put in for our own.
You were absolutely fine with what you did.
Why do other people think they can spend your money?!

CoronaPeroni · 09/08/2021 11:01

I've noticed some pubs and restaurants local to me are asking at the time of ordering if you want separate bills. Such a relief! I've been called tight so many times. And YET it's the others with the enormous cocktail bill who are tight! Not wanting to pay for what they consume is outrageous. But you can't tell them. Now if I'm out with a new mix of people I will breezily say at the beginning 'paying for ourselves?' and if there's any murmurings will clear the air with my reasons snd get on with having a good time.

MaMelon · 09/08/2021 11:01

@spooney21

I would never not just split the bill. Can't be arsed with all that, but I can afford to pay it and if I couldn't I wouldn't go to that particular restaurant/ night out etc. I would also expect to pay towards the birthday persons meal.
I imagine most of us can afford to pay too - we just don’t want to subsidise others meals and drinks choices.

This is the only scenario where you pay for others. If you go shopping with your friends you don’t split the costs of the goods you’re purchasing, you all pay for your own.

pictish · 09/08/2021 11:02

“No offence was intended. If I had paid a sixth, it would have doubled my own bill because I was on soft drinks. I’m surprIsed it’s an issue.”

No apology but polite.

FatCatThinCat · 09/08/2021 11:02

YANBU

If they were real friends I would just split the bill, but people who are only acquaintances, no way am I funding their drinking.

Bellarime · 09/08/2021 11:02

No but you should have said you weren't splitting at the beginning

Why should not saying this at the beginning make the slightest bit of difference? People should be prepared to pay for what they’ve eaten and drank

MsTSwift · 09/08/2021 11:03

I am usually keen to split bill as less faff but absolutely not if someone not drinking that’s not on.

Fieldsofstars · 09/08/2021 11:03

I’d simply reply:

Your text message is eye opening. I’m really not sorry that your friends each had to pay £4 more for their meals just because I refused to split a bill that would have left me spending double what I actually consumed. After all, they did choose their own food and drinks and presumably can read the cost of the items on the menu themselves.
What I am sorry for is being your friend. You haven’t even so much as thanked me for your gift.
Don’t worry, I won’t bother again.

Killahangilion · 09/08/2021 11:04

YANBU.

Splitting the bill allows cheeky fuckers to eat and drink to excess at other people’s expense.

The fact that non of the other diners gave a tip speaks volumes and gives undeniable proof that the OP wasn’t the tight one in this group.

I wonder how many of those berating the OP for not splitting the bill have already earnt a reputation as a Cheeky Fucker amongst their friends and colleagues??

AlexandraQueen · 09/08/2021 11:04

Not unreasonable at all. There's usually one or two drivers or non drinkers when we go out so we tend to round the bill and do a drinkers contribution and non drinkers contribution. So in your example all the drinkers would pay £40 and the non drinkers would contribute £20.

Waspsarearseholes · 09/08/2021 11:04

It's literally no different from saying to the OP, I'm going to the bar to get a cocktail for myself, you owe me £3 for it.
People are so desperate not to appear tight or impolite by suggesting they pay for their own items when in reality it's the people who expect others to subsidise their meal and drinks that are the tight and impolite ones.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 09/08/2021 11:05

I certainly wouldn’t mind being considerate to those who can’t afford it. I would much rather my friend came to the meal than avoided it due to costs. But to announce it once the bill arrived was a bit naff. Chalk it up to experience and next time let your host know you’ll be paying separately before ordering, and not splitting the bill.

Fieldsofstars · 09/08/2021 11:05

The bloody entitlement of them though. Being annoyed op wouldn’t split the bill and they had to spend an extra £4 each but fully don’t understand op would have had to spend an extra £21 for them to not do that?

Cheeky bastards honestly.

mrstea301 · 09/08/2021 11:06

I think you were entirely right, considering your share came out to less than half!

It's funny as my friends and I rarely split the bill, but when we do we always point out who's not been drinking etc so that they don't pay over the odds. It's a shame - sounds like your friends have been trying to take advantage a bit. You could have paid your share and they could have split the remainder if they wanted!

Fieldsofstars · 09/08/2021 11:06

Please don’t talk to your ‘friend’ anymore either op. You deserve better.

CremeEggThief · 09/08/2021 11:06

I probably would have gone along with the bossy friend, for an easy life, but YANBU. She is bang out of order though, calling you out.

smartiecake · 09/08/2021 11:07

They are CF for suggesting you pay for their booze?
You were completely right OP and I would always do the same. They are wrong