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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
StoppinBy · 10/08/2021 04:05

sew discustin

Plumtree391 · 10/08/2021 04:09

@coolgirldancing

I've been more than patient, but this "forum" is pathetic. I'm not reading through pages and pages of you're shit, but none of you was there, none of you knows what actually happened. You all think your so clever but you need to get a life. Get out a bit, stop sitting on your phone's or whatever. I hope your all proud of yourself. Discusting
None of us was there. Should be 'were'.

None of knows what actually happened. Please do enlighten us.

your so clever? You are, not 'your'.

'You' need to get a life - just one?

...sitting on your phone's.... Phone's what?

...your all proud of * yourself. 'Your' should be 'you are' or 'you're' and yourself should be 'yourselves'.

Discusting, needs translation.

You need to go back to school, whoever you are.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 10/08/2021 04:45

tbf @Plumtree391 our BG is correct with her none of us was. None is short for not one so was is right. I suspect it was accidentally correct though! lol

SamiReed1 · 10/08/2021 04:56

@50ShadesOfCatholic

tbf *@Plumtree391* our BG is correct with her none of us was. None is short for not one so was is right. I suspect it was accidentally correct though! lol
Then the sentence would be not one of us were there. Were is still the correct word. Was in not right in either example.
SamiReed1 · 10/08/2021 04:56

*is not

Lotsalotsagiggles · 10/08/2021 05:05

When I suggest to split the bill, I aways take i to account someone's that not drinking and knock some of theres

It's only polite

Sometimes if I'm not drinking I say? Oh it doesn't matter happy to
Cover some of birthday girls
Drinks but generally it's just nice to be given the option? Rather than dictated to rush you are paying or other people's alcohol

50ShadesOfCatholic · 10/08/2021 05:32

@SamiReed1

*is not
Was is correct 👌
sandgrown · 10/08/2021 05:40

You were right OP. Just lately I have been on a tight budget . So I can go out and meet my friends I don’t drink alcohol and I drive to save on taxis . My friends themselves make sure I don’t pay a full share and often buy my drinks as a thank you for driving them. Your friends are cheeky OP.

melj1213 · 10/08/2021 06:03

[quote SamiReed1]@melj1213 "G) Just the one life between us all? Should we split it equally?"

bwahaha I almost choked on the sandwich I was eating when I read that. Genuinely laughing hard. That is gold! Smile[/quote]
You're welcome Grin

BarbaraofSeville · 10/08/2021 06:05

@coolgirldancing

I've been more than patient, but this "forum" is pathetic. I'm not reading through pages and pages of you're shit, but none of you was there, none of you knows what actually happened. You all think your so clever but you need to get a life. Get out a bit, stop sitting on your phone's or whatever. I hope your all proud of yourself. Discusting
Nah, that's not BG or one of her crew of CFs. It's just someone pretending to be, the exaggerated illiteracy is a dead giveaway.
Praxis · 10/08/2021 06:11

I don't drink, and if it was a casual night out then I would pay a different amount, but when it's a birthday you are contributing to the birthday person's evening not just covering yourself and it would have been more polite to split. If it was a group of friends you knew and you really didn't want to split then you could message the organiser and say, 'do you mind if I pay separately on the night as I'm not drinking' and they would of course say yes (unless they're a knob). It was however, rude to message you the next day.

YoBeaches · 10/08/2021 06:31

You were absolutely in the right. Friend organising the bill would have known you weren't drinking and should have suggested you only pay your own. Thats common polite behaviour these days.

Why on earth they're mad that you didn't spend £20 on their drinks is beyond me. The fact that friend isn't supporting you and is calling out 'everyone was unhappy' is bullying. I'd be ditching her straight off.

ParistoLondon · 10/08/2021 06:35

Agreed.

ParistoLondon · 10/08/2021 06:37

Oops, forgot to tag. Blush but I agree with the PP who said there's no way this is Birthday Girl. Hmm

AngelDelightUk · 10/08/2021 06:41

Tell us your side then @coolgirldancing if you’re the birthday girl

LetsJustSeeShallWe · 10/08/2021 06:44

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. It winds me up when people expect you to split the bill when they've had alcohol, starters & desserts etc where it might rack up a bit of a cost and I've had something small. Equally I never let someone split with me if my cost comes to a lot more. I don't expect anyone to cover my cost.

Also, i know some people have said to mention it beforehand - but I don't think you need to say beforehand that you're not splitting because why should you?
Would it change the amount of alcohol people buy because you're letting them know beforehand that you're not paying for it?

Childrenofthestones · 10/08/2021 06:51

They are being arseholes and you need new friends.😊

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/08/2021 06:51

I agree with you @SamiReed1.

None can be either singular or plural. Although it can mean not one of you, it can also mean not any of you - thus necessitating being treated as a plural. There aren't strict rules around whether it's singular or plural, but generally it's treated as a singular if what comes after is clearly only a singular item.

None of you was there sounds awkward to the ear. I'd also argue that the reference is not to a singular crowd of people, but to all of us individually, making it need a plural. None of you were there definitely sounds preferable.

notacooldad · 10/08/2021 06:51

One thing to point out though to everyone going on about not drinking alcohol therefore should be paying less is that, as gallong as it sounds, sometimes there isnt a lot of difference in price.

Recent examples are a blackcurrent and soda in a restaurant a few weeks a go was £5.25. In the same place a pint of lager was £4.20.
One night my friend was outraged at paying £4.75 for a pineapple and lemonade and £3.70 for a pint of cider.

My view about splitting is that I happy do it if it is a small group that I know well. It usually ends up swings and roundabouts over time but in a larger party, especially if there are people I dont know ( friends of friends) I like to go solo with my bill.

LadyWithLapdog · 10/08/2021 06:56

OP, for the sake of a tenner you’ve lost yourself a friend. It may have been cheeky to expect splitting the bill but getting a reputation for being tight isn’t good either. I have been in the situation of having to budget very strictly before, I do get where you’re coming from. But it’s the price of friendship and smooth running of things.

MaMelon · 10/08/2021 06:58

No - for the sake of £20 the CF has lost a friend and her grabby behaviour has been picked up by a newspaper. Oh well, she’ll learn how the smooth running of things works - don’t expect others to subsidise your menu choices.

NorthernWhiteRhino · 10/08/2021 07:05

I think there were manners issues on both sides here to be honest.

As it was a birthday meal, I would have worked on the basis (regardless of what I had consumed) that it would be split either evenly (or more likely) the group would decide that the birthday girl should not pay and the bill is divided equally between the rest.

Having an acute awareness of what you have consumed in contrast to what others have consumed sucks the joy out of the occasion. It sends the message that you didn't really want to be there and were silently judging what everyone was ordering.

On occasions where there is an 'obvious' discrepancy between one person and the rest of the group - then the rest of the group should ideally suggest that person pays less. But on a birthday or celebration dinner I am not sure - its not about what you consume it is about celebrating a friend or an occasion. The behaviour sharpens the focus onto 'cold hard cash' which diminishes this sense of celebration.

Sending the text was also very bad manners though. I would have happily agreed you pay less but to be honest, if I was planning another event where I wanted to people to relax and indulge a little I would think twice about inviting you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/08/2021 07:07

I’ve been caught out like this where the bill has been equally split 5 ways when I have not drunk any alcohol at all. This married couple and their other male friend were friends of my then boyfriend (I had not met any of them before that day) drank three bottles of wine between the three of them along with them each having a pre dinner drink and a coffee with brandy whilst bf had a couple of glasses and I had none. At the end of the meal they proposed a straight five way split, I said why and only paid my share. The husband then had a word with my boyfriend subsequently about my refusal to sub their drinking. This also happened long before contactless cards was a thing.

This particular couple also got their credit card out to pay for the entire meal after the money was put on the table, she of this pair used a sweeping arm movement to grab the cash. I had no idea till then that some people acted like this.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 10/08/2021 07:14

'OP, for the sake of a tenner you’ve lost yourself a friend. It may have been cheeky to expect splitting the bill but getting a reputation for being tight isn’t good either.'

So weird to identify the tightness as being at the OP's end: she covered her bill and left a tip, ffs. Splitting the bill would have caused her to cover a proportion of everyone else's bill so they were the ones attempting to pay for less food and drink than they'd had and not tipping; the very height of tightness. Why is that still eluding people?

And her friend is dogshit, btw. Why mourn that loss?

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 10/08/2021 07:19

'Having an acute awareness of what you have consumed in contrast to what others have consumed sucks the joy out of the occasion'

I doubt she needed an abacus and some rough paper to get an 'acute awareness' of what she'd had. It was probably something along the lines of: (main course) £13 + (three lemonades @ £2:00 ea) £6 = £19. Wouldn't have needed an acute awareness to conclude that's, er, quite a lot less than forty quid. I've never had joy sucked out of a meal out by a friend taking about 0.7 seconds to tot that kind of bill up in their head.

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