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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
Lolatt · 09/08/2021 22:50

I’m sorry but I would never do this!

Boredmotherofone · 09/08/2021 22:53

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

The manipulative little so & so!!! Yeah you've dodged a bullet there LTF! - Leave the friend Gin
MiladyBerserko · 09/08/2021 22:56

I guess she isn't your friend anymore OP. It's pretty poor form of them. The only excuse I can muster is that people have got out if the habit of bill splitting during Covid.

To be honest, I think the biggest offence is them complaining about tightness but not leaving a tip.

Terhou · 09/08/2021 22:58

I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night

They just wanted a good night subsidised by you? Oh, that's all right then, I can't think what there was to object to in that. //sarcasm mode.

FunTimes2020 · 09/08/2021 23:02

Your friend sounds bloody awful, OP. Get rid!

Thewarrenerswife · 09/08/2021 23:02

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

Well I hope the birthday girl reads every comment… all thirty plus pages.

The commenters may be anonymous to you, but the over whelming gist is that you are a shit mate, who expects a friend to subsidise your spongy buddies to the tune of £20. If you were a decent friend, you would have spoken up and said, ‘actually we should probably pay our own, as [ insert name of your friend who is not a charity ] hasn’t been drinking.’
Then if your friends says ‘no it’s fine to split the bill’, the go ahead. But assuming someone wants to spend their hard earned money on people she doesn’t really know that well, in the name of your birthday is really uncouth. To then send her a shitty message, we’ll I’m not surprised she posted in here…. You’ve made her question her own sanity. Turns out you’re the loon.

Sorry OP, you deserve better friends.

MrsJuliaGulia · 09/08/2021 23:06

In my circle bills are always split. I’m not a big drinker so I get stung every time. The thing is we are all high earners are married to high earners so we (I) can afford it but it still irks me. I imagine if I started asking to pay separately because I didn’t drink, I might get a reputation as being a bit tight.

All of that said, YANBU. I’m sad you had to leave your own thread because the birthday girl has probably had a further go at you about the thread.

Mustreadabook · 09/08/2021 23:17

I don't like people to suggest split the bill when I have had an expensive meal or expensive alcohol, because then I feel bad for consuming something expensive that I was quite happy to pay for.

llm24 · 09/08/2021 23:19

nothing to apologise for no way would i pay £20 more for my dinner

The other girls are bang out of order in my opinion, why should you subsidise their drinks

I can’t get my head round why people would disagree with you I really don’t

DeRigueurMortis · 09/08/2021 23:22

@CrotchetyQuaver

YANBU I can remember going out as a large group years ago, maybe 16 of us? The wine bottles were always finished before they got to us, the others kept ordering more but all gone by the time it reached our end of the tables some people clearly had a great night, but not us. The final bill was huge because of the amount of wine drunk by others. It was split equally and we and a few others at our end really begrudged subsidising the borderline outrageous wine consumption. We never made that mistake again! They are the unreasonable ones!

Goodness you've reminded me of a night out DH and I once had.

3 couples (one close friends, the other our friends were aquatinted, but not close with them - we'd not met them before. Can't remember the details but think they were in the locality on holiday). The non close friend H ordered a bottle of white wine for himself and wife and the rest of us chose a red to share. The white was substantially more expensive.

As there were 4 of us drinking red we later ordered another bottle.

When the bill came he suggested we "split" but said it was only fair his share should discount the 3rd bottle of wine (we'd all had the same food - think £x for 2 courses/£x for 3 course type pricing and we'd all eaten the same number of courses).

Fine. Let's pay for what we consumed then.

He was most grumpy when his attempt to discount his bill by £20 resulted in him paying £25 more than an equal split because he was solely responsible for paying for a £45 bottle of white that he'd ordered.

In essence he'd wanted us to double sub his wine by "splitting his" and discounting ours.

montysma1 · 09/08/2021 23:24

Do you tip £21?

TopBlogger · 09/08/2021 23:26

Funny how often the people that want others to be generous by splitting the bill in their favour, are often the ones too tight to leave a tip Hmm

llm24 · 09/08/2021 23:34

exactly @TopBlogger exactly and there ones who
order the dearest food the menu

EarthSight · 09/08/2021 23:34

Hope the birthday girl reads this -

It was your birthday, but next time you're out for a meal, don't go crazy on the alcohol just because you're splitting it in a group. Allow for the fact that some people might be eating or drinking cheaper things in order to save money, for one thing. The reason why they're going without is to help their budget, not so they can subside everyone else's expensive meals or alcohol which would make their efforts or sacrifice a bit pointless.

The fact that you texted her afterwards like this makes you look like a petulant child, and most likely you would not be happy at all if the shoe were on the other foot. You took the piss and paid for it.

Bonheurdupasse · 09/08/2021 23:35

Birthday Girl

You are a User.

Erwhatno · 09/08/2021 23:46

the only tight people here are birthday girl and user friends’

Birminghambloke · 09/08/2021 23:49

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

Just reply with ??????
Meltinthemiddle · 09/08/2021 23:49

They are the ones being unreasonable. When I've been out with friends if one of us hasn't drunk etc or not had the same number of courses then we would always take this into account when splitting the bill with them paying alot less and all of us just rounding it up for a tip.

NigellaAwesome · 09/08/2021 23:56

@BMW6

BG and her freeloading pals are terrible cunts.
Grin
Totallydefeated · 10/08/2021 00:01

Oh god, Birthday Girl has seen the thread, read the comments and instead of burning with shame, has had the tin-eared temerity to belly-ache at OP for daring to ask for reassurance.

You couldn’t make it up. Classy!

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2021 00:01

Yanbu.

We split the bill generally but we're mindful of someone is drinking soft drinks to split food say 6 ways and the alcohol per person.

QueenBee52 · 10/08/2021 00:05

@SleepingStandingUp

Yanbu.

We split the bill generally but we're mindful of someone is drinking soft drinks to split food say 6 ways and the alcohol per person.

just adds complication ..😕

just let her pay for her own non alcoholic meal 😳

reader12 · 10/08/2021 00:10

It’s weird of them to be weird about this. OP did nothing wrong and birthday girl is a drama seeker.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2021 00:13

Not massively Queen. If we've shared bottles of wine or all been on cocktails it's split evenly except the sober person. Even of theres two hitting it hard, three having a few and one on tap water, its easy enough to sort. But then we've gone out for meals through the years when every penny counted and people simply couldn't have afforded an extra £20 so mindfulness os well practised

Lalliella · 10/08/2021 00:27

YADNBU. I much prefer to pay for what I’ve had. I like a drink or 3 and I often order an expensive meal (I like seafood which can be pricey), and if I pay for my own I don’t have to worry about feeling guilty about others subbing me. Makes for a much more relaxing experience. There’s no way non-drinkers should pay for drinkers, it’s totally unfair.