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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
Borderingmadness · 09/08/2021 21:58

Its a birthday meal, a special occasion! maybe next time you'll be drinking and someone else wont be?

Say the meal was £20 and your lemonades were £6? Your falling out over £14......

Swings and roundabouts but i guess for me it would be how close i am to these friends as to if i want to piss them off?

Rainbowsew · 09/08/2021 21:59

Well birthday girl if you're reading this...

It's bad form for your friends to be arsey with op over what was essentially double her costs!! How do you know what the budget she has is?

Also it is REALLY bad form to have mentioned it to her afterwards, (and you've probably all been gossiping about her behind her back which is much worse than an anonymous forum) so really any friendship that has been ruined is down to you doing that.

Looks like the op will be better off without you all...

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 09/08/2021 22:00

Ask you 'friends' to contribute £20 each towards your shopping this week since they are all about paying for other people's food for them.

doudouchouchou · 09/08/2021 22:02

What on earth am
I reading!!!

Anyone who would make a fuss about this is not your friend.

@notonyournelleee I would be grateful that your friend has shown her true colours now. I cannot imagine taking the hump over this... it's just petty and bizarre.

And Best Friend... give your heid a shake!

myrtleWilson · 09/08/2021 22:07

Have you actually read the OP's posts @BorderlineHappy?

chaosrabbitland · 09/08/2021 22:07

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

omg god op ! . well what can you do . nowt . so no point worrying about it now , if she hadnt had the crass to send you the message , you wouldnt have posted on here to start with , she just pissed because now she knows actually she was in the wrong , and it sounds like they did have a good night until they had to pay for their own alcohol instead of you contributing to it
myrtleWilson · 09/08/2021 22:07

@Borderingmadness not @BorderlineHappy - sorry!

BMW6 · 09/08/2021 22:07

BG and her freeloading pals are terrible cunts.

Anystarinthesky · 09/08/2021 22:12

@Borderingmadness

Its a birthday meal, a special occasion! maybe next time you'll be drinking and someone else wont be?

Say the meal was £20 and your lemonades were £6? Your falling out over £14......

Swings and roundabouts but i guess for me it would be how close i am to these friends as to if i want to piss them off?

This is what the OP said.

'The £19 included all my soft drinks. I put down £25 to provide a tip.'

OP, Birthday Girl and her spongetastic friends really don't have a clue.

They don't sound worth bothering with.

Dreamstate · 09/08/2021 22:14

@Borderingmadness

Its a birthday meal, a special occasion! maybe next time you'll be drinking and someone else wont be?

Say the meal was £20 and your lemonades were £6? Your falling out over £14......

Swings and roundabouts but i guess for me it would be how close i am to these friends as to if i want to piss them off?

Op made it clear the £q9 was her food and drink and she our down £25 which imalso covered the tip.

Why should she fork out £40 an extra £21 of what she spent on food and drink

Not everyone is made of money, its not for anyone to tell anyone else how much money they should spend.

End of the day, friends turning up and spending time with you is more precious than money and whether they split the bill or not.

I've been on plenty of nights out where some one doesn't want to be included in a general split of the bill and rhats fine, I sont know their personal financial situation nor is it my business. So long as they cover what they ate and drank there is no issue.

Twillow · 09/08/2021 22:19

YANBU

RampantIvy · 09/08/2021 22:20

@Borderingmadness

Its a birthday meal, a special occasion! maybe next time you'll be drinking and someone else wont be?

Say the meal was £20 and your lemonades were £6? Your falling out over £14......

Swings and roundabouts but i guess for me it would be how close i am to these friends as to if i want to piss them off?

Would you really pay double for your meal to fund other people's drinking? Really? Hmm

Not everyone can afford to do this. You obviously can.

With hindsoght what the OP should have said was "I'm not drinking tonight. Would anyone mind if I just pay for myself?"

Starsky82 · 09/08/2021 22:21

If this is actually an issue then I’m not sure you can call these people your friends. Splitting a bill when everyone’s had around the same makes sense, I don’t see why you should pay have to pay extra or why anyone would even expect you to.

KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2021 22:21

It's the CFs saying that, because they would then probably drink less, knowing some other poor sod wasn't going to pay towards it.

Actually it is the opposite. If you state at the beginning of the meal you will be paying for your own items, the cf's think twice about ordering more expensive items they don't want to pay for as the bill might not be split at all.

RampantIvy · 09/08/2021 22:21

And the OP's meal and drinks came to £19 in total

TheRebelle · 09/08/2021 22:22

@Choccorocco

I’m going to go against the flow here. Either you mention it as you sit down, or you don’t create a fuss, on someone’s birthday, about it being split, when the billi is presented. Where are your manners? Of course it’s going to create an issue if you only mention it at that point! Of course the birthday girl was embarrassed! That said, the others should of course have played it differently and smoothed over the problem. U.K. reallyiprised that no one offered to pay for the birthday girl too! Honestly, mention it at the start of a meal next time if you don’t know the people. I don’t believe they wanted you to subsidise their drinks. I think they just didn’t want the awkwardness of a bill problem. I hope things work out with your friend. But tragic to lose a friend over £19.
What planet do you live on? Why is it bad manners to only want to pay for what you’ve consumed, why would it cause an issue at all? It’s not rocket science to think well I had a steak and chips at £23.95 and 4 beers at £4.80 each so I need to pay £45, you don’t need to add it up to the penny.

To me it’s a bigger issue to expect others to subsidise your food and alcohol and spring it on them at the end of the meal, that’s bad manners.

NotMiranda · 09/08/2021 22:25

I'm always the maths person in my friendship group. We have a couple who don't drink, a couple with very small appetites who rarely order main courses, and a couple who are on very tight budgets and simply can't afford to pay more than they owe, so I do a quick mental tally of roughly what seems fair and nobody has ever challenged it (I suspect because that would involve THEM doing the maths. I think splitting bills unevenly, unless everyone has had a bit of everything, is absolutely the way to go.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 09/08/2021 22:29

YANBU OP.

Hey birthday girl if you’re still reading this, you and your CF friends are completely out of order.

Pay for your own meals and drinks, and don’t expect to be subsidised! You ordered it, you ate/drank it, you pay for it. And you tip for it, not expect someone else to.

Frankly if this is real OP has had a lucky awakening. They are not friends, they’re users.

Comedycook · 09/08/2021 22:31

I have a friend who will order a starter, main, dessert, side dishes, wine and whiskey at the end of the meal. I don't drink and am on a budget. I have a main and a soft drink. We each made a choice...I won't subsidise hers and she doesn't expect me to. I wouldn't quibble over a couple of quid but if there's a large disparity, that's different

imnotsure1 · 09/08/2021 22:32

I'm really chilled out about this type of thing and will pay slightly over my actual bill just to keep things simple because I can afford to. However, expecting someone to pay double what they actually owe is massively cheeky. I think you're better off without this friends op.

RobynRedhead · 09/08/2021 22:34

@Borderingmadness

Its a birthday meal, a special occasion! maybe next time you'll be drinking and someone else wont be?

Say the meal was £20 and your lemonades were £6? Your falling out over £14......

Swings and roundabouts but i guess for me it would be how close i am to these friends as to if i want to piss them off?

If your friends would be pissed off because you won't subsidise their drinking, they're not really friends are they
Boredmotherofone · 09/08/2021 22:36

Sorry I haven't RTFT but I'm raging on your behalf after your OP! What on earth are they upset(?!) with you for??? Paying for what you consumed and no paying for other people's drinks?! How very dare you?!?! HmmConfused

YADNBU!!! Sounds like she was hoping for/relying on a decent discount ie: she ordered something lavish, relying on the fact that she'd be ultimately sharing the cost with everyone else and therefore not really paying for it! CF!!!

CrotchetyQuaver · 09/08/2021 22:40

YANBU
I can remember going out as a large group years ago, maybe 16 of us? The wine bottles were always finished before they got to us, the others kept ordering more but all gone by the time it reached our end of the tables some people clearly had a great night, but not us. The final bill was huge because of the amount of wine drunk by others. It was split equally and we and a few others at our end really begrudged subsidising the borderline outrageous wine consumption. We never made that mistake again!

They are the unreasonable ones!

Galaxyfiend · 09/08/2021 22:43

I can’t believe the birthday girl is annoyed that you’ve posted on here, you haven’t slagged her off at all or anything, just explained what happened the other night. Why would she be annoyed about that?! But then also, why was she so annoyed about you not splitting the bill that she had to text you about it a xoul of days later and not thank you for her present?!

She sounds like an arsehole who can’t accept when she’s at fault. You were not being unreasonable OP in not wanting to split the bill. I’m a drinker but if I’m out with a non drinker then I would never ask them to split, I would always pay more to cover the alcohol. Especially if I’d had a few!

It’s sad if she’s willing to throw a friendship away for the sake of a few quid, but if she is, she could never have been that into you anyway so it’s really no loss.

DdraigGoch · 09/08/2021 22:44

@notonyournelleee

Should also add that none of them left a tip either! Just me
No surprise there
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